"Man"-datory Vs. Voluntary: Which Should It Be??

It was hot. I'm talkin' scramble-an-egg-on-the-sidewalk-kind of scorcher. Perspiring and sticky male bodies pounding the pavement while showin' off their best moves at the neighborhood b-ball court. The ladies standin' around tryin' to look fiercly fab while it feels like our skin is gettin' licked by the flames of Dante's Inferno. It was summer and I was takin' a much needed break from my quick paced college routine. I'm slowly casin' my surroundings WHEN I SEE HIM.


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He looks...he's like...like a chocolate tornado thunderin' down the court. He does a fake, turns around and does a slam dunk so hard it makes my teeth chatter. I ask my cuzzo who this Michael Jordan wannabe was. Next thing I realize is that she is up at the fence tellin' this guy that I was feelin' him LIKE THAT!! No, she didn't!! Yeah, actually she really did. Anywhooters, dude comes to my grandma's house that night and asks if what he had heard earlier was true. I broke it down for him. Let him know that I was only there for the summer and I already had a man. He smiled and said "we'll see." After months of bein' inseparable, the season of summertime was quickly comin' to a close. It was time to get back to reality. HOWEVER, not before findin' out that...

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Ok. Let's fast foward 16 years past all the humilation I allowed him to put me through. We now share 2 beautiful children just 1 year and 4 days apart. In all of these years, he never paid one red dime of support. He somehow managed to stay one step ahead of "the man" and would quit his job before they were able to start garnishing his checks. He now has a passionate love affair with the penal system. What a great guy, huh? Despite my scathin' sarcasm, this situation actually poses a moral dilemma in the deep caverns of my psyche. I think that


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This was somethin' that me and my mom sometimes didn't see eye to eye on. She would always tell me that regardless of how a man FELT, he should be held financially responsible for goin' half on makin' his baby. In earlier years, I took what I like to call the bleedin' heart stance. Simply put, this just meant that a man (or woman) shouldn't have to be FORCED by our state govermental agencies to pay for his children if he felt like he didn't have it in his heart to. Over the years as my kids have gotten older, I came to realize that although this mindset may seem somewhat NOBLE, it just wasn't PRACTICAL.



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I've come to the conclusion that this definitely could end up bein' my fate...

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as it could be for quite a staggerin' amount of women as well as even some men. Should men or women be FORCED to pay child support or should it be optional? Do you think makin' it "man"-datory creates unnecessary ill feelings between the absent parent and the custodial parent? What about between the absent parent and the child? I've spoken my piece. Now, I'm passin the mic

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to YOU...
















8 comments:

  1. Blog Queen said...:

    Absolutely brilliant post and written so well...Gurl, you got skillz. But in answer to your question...yes it should be man-datory. For those who won't step up and take care of their responsibilities...hell yes. In a perfect world, parents would pay willingly and probably offer a lot more than the court decides. However, this isn't a perfect world. So, to those who piss in the wind at what their priorities should be....Make Them PAY!!!...BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

  1. Traci Lavette said...:

    Okay, so this one is a sore subject for me. I do think they should be financially accountable for their children. They did help make them. I used to look at it like a case-by-case situation and make determinations from there. What I mean by that is depending on the circumstances of the pregnancy, the answer of "man-datory vs. voluntary" would depend. Let's take my case...for years I let this MoFo off the hook because I felt that since the pregnancy was an "accident", and since I made a personal decision to have my baby, then the responsibility should be mine. I felt that since we used protection, the condom failed, he was honest about not wanting anymore kids when I told him, that the responsibility was mine. But, when I saw this ni**a poppin up with other kids along the way, I figured that he was now "ready". Long story short, I have still never pursued him for child support. I think a major part of me feels that he is not good for my son and that if he begins to pay child support, then he is going to think he is owed visitation. I want him nowhere near my son. This is something that I have battled with for quite some time with still no resolve.

    Anyway, this is NOT about me LOL! I do feel that in your case, he should be made to pay for his child and can we say BACK PAY! But will you ever get it though? That's the BIG question. It sickens me sometimes when I hear about how these men are out here living and not taking care of their kids. It's unfair when you think about it because in most cases, these kids have unconditional love for those fools regardless.

    If you want to start a movement, I'm down gurl!

    Ttyl,

  1. @BQ
    Hey gurl!!! Thanks SO much for your glowing compliment!! I really, really appreciate it!! I've actually thrown up my hands with the child support. That statement doesn't mean that I've given up, it just merely means that..I don't sweat it. I filled out the necessary paperwork as teh state required and I just let God handle the rest...He's taken excellent care of me and the kids...

  1. @Trace
    Even though some may not understand your position regarding your son' father, I certainly do. It was a dilemma that I struggled with for a while. His dad led an unsavory type lifestyle and I didn't want my son nowhere near or around his dad. After much thinking I decided to press forward with the support order and haven't looked back since...

  1. Traci Lavette said...:

    I think I need to push forward too. My baby is 11 now and the thing is that I have never wanted my baby to feel rejection and it seems like I opened the door to that when I decided (on several occasions, at his urgence) to let him see my baby. It was one of those BS comments on his part: "just because I said I didn't want anymore kids, didn't mean I wasn't going to be a man and take care of mine". WTF. 11 years and a scooter later, that dude hasn't done a damn thing! But...like I said, he has had other kids since then and not to mention, his latest took the trip to San Quentin to marry his dumb ass! He reached out when he was locked up b/c he was so "afraid" of what God had planned for him with him neglecting his child. So, I'm supposed to help him redeem himself. Right! I did open up a child support case sometime ago when I was still in college but the system out her in Cali is so much different from other states...

  1. Wow..she went to San Quen to marry him??!! Ok, well...I know that you have you son's best interest at heart and that's what's important...

  1. downlow said...:

    Don't let him off the hook. Yes, it should be mandatory. It is in the child's best interest to be supported by both parents.

    Well written post, and please keep your head up. I don't see you as that skeleton on the bench--you would need a body double to sit that out for you while you're raising your beautiful kids.

    Then again, women are multi-taskers, aren't we?

    Katlynne LaSalle aka ms. downlow
    mydownlowlife.blogspot.com

  1. @down low
    Thanks for stoppin' by!! Glad u enjoyed the post and YES we women are multi-taskers indeed!! Gurl, we have to be with all that we have to do in a day!! Lol..

 
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