Digital cable is the best thang to hit our home since the introduction of reality tv!! What in the name of mac n cheese and pork and beans would we do without it? Since I'm a single mamacita, takin' care of four lil churritos keeps my toes tappin' on a constant basis. I don't always have time to plant my posterior in a comfy chair to catch my latest shows. Who cares? I pay a lil' extra dinero to have the DVR (Digital Video Recorder). I can record my programs and check 'em out when I get some breathin' room. I'm really feelin' this modern technology y'all!!
My matriarchal mate has gotten bit by the bug too. Unfortunately, some of her channels decided to take a vacation so she couldn't tune in!! Bad news Bucky!! No prob. I just jumped on the telly and contacted Time Warner. Of course they were eager as buck tooth beavers to fix the issue cuz we have a high end cable package!! An appointment was set for two days later. The sooner the better cuz mi madre couldn't see her nightly news which was slowly turnin' her into a grumpy granny!! Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long before this cable cat rang our doorbell.
I answer the door and am greeted by a creamy colored carmel brotha with a smile as wide as the Pacific. He makes a beeline directly for my mom's room where the trouble is. Now for a brief intro. My mother is one of those ladies who can strike up a convo with a serial killer and make him feel like he's one of her long , lost cousins. Cable man Carl(not his real name) was no exception. She started off askin' him how he liked the job. Gleefully, he revealed that since he was a contractor, it gave him more flexibility. I decided to shake a lil' spice on this convo by askin' if any of his female customers ever tried to get him to..let's just say...personally change their channels. The temperature of this tantalizing talkfest quickly went up a couple of degrees.
He told us of his cable man capers involvin' women, nude pics, and cell phones. Despite all this attention from the lovely ladies, Carl claims he remains as faithful as the family dog. Impressive. Did I believe him? The jury is still out on that one. As he was workin' on his 2nd glass of white grape juice, my momma went in for the kill. She invited him to her place of worship. He politely declined. Aww man. Now he started tryin' to impress us by actin' like Paul the Preacher by quoting all these Scriptures he had learned.
During the course of the conversation, he found out that my mom is an evangelist. I'm assuming that because he was married, he felt completely comfortable asking her this next question. What he inquired of her was something that made me cover my mouth and want to run from the room like my hair was on fire. I mean, this guy didn't know the definition of shame. He asked what kinds of sexy positions could a man and woman get down with without our Heavenly Father rainin' down fire and brimstone.
Dude..seriously? I mean, this guy showed us that he was a straight with no chaser type of man, but I'm sayin'. Could he not have talked to his pastor PRIVATELY about his lil' daunting dilemma? Sheesh. Once I was able to pick up my face off the floor and put all my teeth back in, Carl had finally finished fixin' the cable. As he was turnin' to walk out the bedroom door, he turned around and decided to drop some more wickedly witty wisdom on me. He told me that I needed to stop breakin' men's hearts and their bank accounts by waitin' for that special ONE. I ask you. How could ANYONE refuse such sound advice from their neighborhood cable guy?
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