She Won't Let Me Out!!

I am a sexy, vibrant 38.y.o. tigress caught in a 9 y.o. girl's psyche. I go from a thundering "I am woman, hear me roar," to a whining & whimpering "Mom, what should I do?" Pathetic? You bet it is! Nauseating? Just like taking 11 jello shots & then chasin' it with 2 chilli dogs & a lukewarm can of Natural Light (outwardly shuddering). Why do I allow her to have so much control over my decisions & dilemmas? Now I know how Akon felt when he kept croonin':
"They won't let me out..they won't let me out..I'm locked up!"


It was one of those lazy, laid back, kids-are-in-school kind of days. My mom & I were casually chillin' & conversatin' about my current choice of..shall we say..chocolate. She thought that my sweetmeat of the week was a military master named Jeff. At this point, the best course of action would've been to zip it (my mouth), lock it, & put it into my pocket, but not me. I sometimes talk so much, it's as if my mouth is runnin' on a treadmill.


I cheerfully informed her that there was someone else that was occupying the corners of my mind. Once she guessed who it was, things took a seismatic shift in the crust of our interconnection. She ranted & raged about how I was making a dastardly decision. My mamacita pressed and pleaded about how my new boo boo & I would probably end up having our own Shakesperian tragedy rivaling that of Bobby & Whitney.


Honestly Mom. Does just about every convo between us have to turn into our own personal daytime drama? Sigh. With each word that is being exchanged, it is becoming clearer & clearer that she doesn't know as much about me as she thinks she does. This is the type of stallion my matriarch would like to see me lasso in:

Napoleon Dynamite Pictures, Images and Photos

Mmm. As tempting and tasty as this tender morsel might seem, I think I'll pass. This might normally be the type that would grab my attention:

50 Cent Pictures, Images and Photos

My current companion is actually a tall glass of gentleman with a side twist of thugliciousness. My momma just can't seem to wrap her mind around this mind-boggling concept. How could her precious progeny possibly be linked up with this imposing image of muscle mass & endless rivers of indigo ink sprayed & tatted all over his canvas? Yes, yes I know. My madre only wants me to have top shelf like the Hill Harpers & the Cornel West's of the world. BREAKING NEWS FLASH: IT MORE THAN LIKELY WILL NEVER HAPPEN.


More than anything I wish that she understood that my choices involving men are not a personal body slam to her intellect or integrity. It's simply about a matter of..choice and preference. I often pray that my decision does not put a wedge in between the door of our special alliance. Yet I realize that I am no longer a child who needs to actively seek her mommy's applause & approval. If I could adaquately explain this to her in song & verse here's what I would say:
I'm sorry Momma
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But tonite I'm cleanin' out my closet
Eminem "Cleanin' Out My Closet" lyrics


  1. Traci Lavette said...:

    Hey Tiff...Glad to see you writing again!!!!

    I'm so sorry that you are having to go through that with Mama. The thing is, I really feel in their hearts they want the best for us, but don't realize that the type of guy they want, may not (almost never) be the one that catches our eye. Or should I say, he won't be able to hold our attention for too long. Like you said, it doesn't go against anything she taught you, it's about choices and what makes you feel good. Personally, I'm in your boat of "gentleman with a side twist of thugliciousness", but my current deviates so far from that and guess what??? My Mama LOVES him. I am just not used to the guy without a little street in him. But luckily for you, it's just your Mom on you about it. I've had my brothers at me with the "you have to start making better choices now because you are a mother" type of ish. I just have to ask them "okay, so really? you think that I'm gonna bring a Nino Brown in my son's midst? Give me more credit than that". I think they would all be happy if we just went ahead and let them decide who THAT GUY was going to be. Then they would NEVER be far from the bizness and I just can't have that!

    I know with my Mama, she has made it very clear that she didn't like some of the guys I've dated, but she was always cordial when they came around. With this one, she is constantly telling me "you know this is my favorite, right?" I won't lie, sometimes it makes me so sick to hear it. But it is what it is, I guess.

    I hope it gets better for your gurl. When is the wedding anyway?

  1. @Traci
    At least your mom is happy with your current choice. Lol. My mom is SO distressed about me and my fiancee being together, that I don't even talk to her about him in ANY way, shape, form, or fashion. She sometimes will try to ask me questions about him, but I remain tight lipped so that we can continue to get along. It's sad really. My mom is one of my best friends but I can't even share in this happiness with her. Consequently, I'm slowing coming to grips with it though. As far as the wedding, there isn't going to be one. We both decided that we don't want or need the expense that comes with having one. We're just gonna elope!! Lol..When is ur wedding?

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