What Kind of Flim Flam Mess was This??!!

Ah, love. Sweet, sweet naive amore. The next time I let my man pick a movie I need to be flogged with some cowhide and a couple of rusty nails. We had been planning to go to the movies all week. Well, when the weekend finally reared its head, I had a serious cinematic cravin' for a movin' picture masterpiece along with some serious popcorn chompin' and soda slurpin'. Keep in mind that Mon-Thurs. we had been discussing all the various possibilities of what we would be feastin' our eyes on in that dark theatre.



Based on the fact that I knew that he was a horror/thriller fan, I had a sneakin' suspicion that he was gonna wanna tangle with either Saw VI or Paranormal Activity. I think I could have handled a psychotic- mind twisted fiend(Saw VI) a lot easier than some type of supernatural entity that basically felt like he was payin' the rent and all the utilities so that he could have free reign to terrorize and torture (Paranormal Activity).


IN DIRE NEED OF A STRAIT JACKET AND ANTI PSYCHOTIC MEDS***


TIME FOR A PRIEST AND SOME HOLY WATER****

Of course he was in the mood for some dastardly demon dwellin' so we ended up makin' our pilgrimage to see Paranormal Activity. Now I have to say that I really wasn't up to seein' this freaky flick. It really didn't matter how many rave reviews it received. You see, I am an individual who believes that Satan and his minions are indeed very real. The idea of an evil presence lurkin' and loomin' in someone's humble abode just didn't sit well with me. Yet, I'm a soldier. I felt like if my better half wanted to check it out, then I would just swallow very hard for about the first 15 minutes before the movie started and I would be cool.




All I can say is...my suga' shack ended up bein' more scared than me!!! Life sho' is grand, isn't it?This was poetic justice in its highest form. Even though there were some scenes in the movie that made my heart do a pole vault into my throat, it really wasn't what I would consider to be scary. As a matter of fact, I really thought that it was seriously overrated. Hmmph. What was with all the hype?

Ok..now the fact that this demonic presence's shadow could be seen on their bedroom door(as seen above) was really kind of a creep-a-zoid moment.

Chile', I Need A BREAK!!

Man, can I just say that....I MISSED YOU GUYS!!! Come give me some luvvie!! (Openin' my arms)





(Wipin' my teary eyes)..Alrite y'all I'm good now. For those who keep up with my bloggie boo, you know that there's usually somethin' dreadfully or deliciously dramatic goin' down regardin' yours truly. Well, lately, it's been no different. My 16 y.o. daughter (who suffers from serious emotional and mental health issues) has now been returned home which has been quite eventful. During the first few weeks, it seemed like everyone was gettin' along just peachy. Painfully, I have learned that everything is not always what it seems.



Allow me to paint you a picture. Last Friday night, my DVR and I were gettin' reacquainted as I caught up on missed episodes of the marvelously masterful Criminal Minds (one of all my all time faves). All of a sudden, my darlin' daughter comes thunderin' downstairs like Hurricane Irene interruptin' my peace and solitude. She tells me that my four y.o. has injuries that she didn't have on her before.



Aww...here we go again. I looked at my lil' mama and sure enough, she had marks on her that weren't there a couple of hours ago. Right then I already knew who the guilty party was. Nah, it wasn't our family dog cuz..we don't have one. It was my teenaged terror of a son who was responsible. I tried to prepare myself for the showdown cuz I knew it would be one.



While I was going up the steps towards the object of the confrontation, it felt like I was walkin' the Green Mile. I really didn't want or NEED any more drama. True to his regular form, my oldest son denied inflicting those bruises. I was beyond angry and aggravated because I knew he was lyin'. My oldest daughter is yellin' and screamin' callin' him all kinds of names that you might hear on some after hours adult premium channel. My 4 y.o. is givin' her lungs a serious workout in the next room. My older son is warnin' my daughter to close her trap, but she's her momma's child, so she refuses.



Question. How many of you have had the privilege of seein' a fan fly through the air like some kind of deranged, mechanical superhero? Let me tell you. It is indeed a sight to behold. My daughter decided that the best place for this fan was upside my son's head so she threw it at him.


It hit its' mark and he lunged at her very quickly. I jumped on my son because he starts throwin' bows anywhere he can find an open space on her body. He was gettin' harder and more difficult to control. He was in a blind rage and based on size I'm like a Happy Meal to his Super Size combo. My 10 y.o. downstairs is panickin' cuz he hears all the fumblin' and tumblin' goin' on. If my son didn't turn her loose, I knew that he could inflict serious injury or worse. The Lord must have heard me pleadin' and beggin'cuz finally my son let go of her but not before callin' her a few choice words of his own.



As I'm sure you can imagine, this incident took about 3 more years off my life. Whew (wipin' my forehead). As a former psych major, I had to sit down and try to figure out the method behind this..madness. Both of them hold deep rooted resentment against the other. He feels like whenever she's in the house, she always adds an element of negativity and a slice of deep dish drama. She despises her bro cuz she sees him as nothin' better than a good old fashioned schoolyard bully who picks on minions that are weaker than him. Do you see why I'm tryin' to make a run for the border to the land where the ocean waves openly kiss golden shores and tropical drinks are the norm and served round the clock?



Honey, what is a mother to DO??!!

What Really Makes Her Think That She's So Different??

It was just another ordinary, run of the mill kind of day. The kids were slavin' their afternoon away at school. My biological best friend (my mom) and I were havin' a long- distance gossip gatherin' all courtsey of AT&T & Verizon. As I was about to ask her one of my many probin'questions, her voice tone suddenly changed from amused to outraged. She asked me if I had heard the latest melodrama involving the evangelistic empress herself Juanita Bynum. Now, this was already an unusual turn of events. I normally pride myself on bein' hip when it comes to knowin' the skinny on a celeb. Yet this bit of news threw me for a loop.


She began to tell me the sordid story of rage and anger that transpired between Juanita and her hubby Bishop Thomas Weeks III. I must admit that I was stunned and disappointed. It was bad enough that he was havin' delusions of grandeur and took on the role of Muhammad Ali. However, the fact that he put his hands to her in a PUBLIC place was just over the top. The judge should have issued Bishop's Weeks'punishment to go a couple of rounds with Mike since he obviosuly had such high aspirations to be a world championship boxer.


Ok. Put your finger on the fast forward button to about a week or so ago. Sweatin'. Shakin'. I'm feenin'for my celeb crack fix. Tremblin', I make a break for the nearest gossip site. No, no. Tired of hearin' 'bout Lil Wayne and his many baby momma's drama. Nah, I need somethin' like....Wait a minute. This has GOT to be some kind of sick, cosmic joke. When I saw these two...

I just HAD to find out what in the blue moon was REALLY goin' on. Turns out that Mr. Wally Wifebeater and this beautiful breath of fresh air (Prophetess Christina Glenn) are gettin' hitched come October. Oh, I didn't tell you? They cordially sent us an evite...Let's take a look, shall we?

Question. Does Christina reside on our fair planet that we call Earth? If so, how could she NOT have heard about what happened between Juanita and her brand new foul, fightin' fiancee? Was she not able to view the aftermath?



Confession #90. My soon to be ex hubby liked to take out his many frustrations and insecurities out on me. Physically. I got the opportunity to finally see what my phone tasted like when he gave me a smooth backhand to my mouthpiece usin' my phone to do it with. Man, my soup coolers (lips) looked like somethin'off a documentary called Collagen Injections Gone Horribly Wrong.

Clueless Christina better wake up and hear those po' po' sirens. Why would she even put herself in this type of position? She should be afraid to hook up with this man on ANY type level, let alone as her husband. Sometimes we as women act just like we ain't got the good sense God blessed us with. Some of us always thinkin' that we're gonna be the exception to the rule. Honey, quit keepin' your eyes wide shut!!

I guess the possibility of a man tap dancin' upside her noggin is somewhat appealing. I just don't get it.This woman is obviously a knock out. She loves God. She has her own ministry. Perhaps she should ask the Lord to prophesy to her about whether or not she should tie the knot with this man.

Does This Automatically Make A Woman or Man More Attractive?

"Don't think that light skin is in...chocolate ain't never went nowhere..."

Can you guess which celebrity hip hop star made this captivatin' comment?

Was it "Mr.Milli" himself?



Nope...try again.

Could it have been...Houston's own Lil' Flip?



If you picked him... sorry, game over.

Give up? It was none other than.... (drum roll)

Snoop (Mr. Great Dane himself)



I'm sure you're probably curious as to what even made him make this statement. Well, he was actually making this quote in reference to his beautiful, ebony-rich daughter, Cori. I think that it's heart warming that he tried to affirm that his lil'' girl is precious regardless of her complexion. But would someone such as Halle's lil' heartbreaker


be considered more pleasing to the eye because of her lighter tint? Confession #86. I have sometimes been guilty of this crime myself (holdin' my head down). However,my color struck condition played a factor in the dating scene. When it came down to gettin' to know a dude, I would NOT spend my precious time with anyone that wasn't the color of Kingford's charcoal. Gentlemen that were of the lighter persuasion were of no interest. I mean, I wouldn't even give these guys a chance.



I had often been questioned by my compadres in crime as to what my logic was behind this way of thinking. Honestly, I really couldn't give them a straight answer. Well, I could, but...I felt like my answer might in fact be controversial. You see, I just felt like dark skinned don's were just more striking. More..mysterious if you will. The brighter skinned gentlemen that I often came in contact with came off as exceedingly arrogant, loudmouthed buffoons.



In my era, it was always "light is right" or "light, bright and close to white." Personally though, I preferred my berry to be blacker so that the juice would be sweeter. Why? Was that because I was rebellin' against society's definition of what 'true beauty 'was or was it just a personal choice? Hmm. Perhaps a smidgen of both. As I matured into this journey that we call womanhood, I realized something. Beauty is indeed colorblind. Do you find men and women of a lighter tone more attractive than say their darker counterparts? When at the mall or some other social function,do you often find yourself cooin' at the lighter skinned baby as oppossed to one of a darker color? The floor is open ladies and gents..


Step on up to that mike and tell me how you feel...

For your viewin' pleasure I have compiled my own personal Celebrities of Color collage.Enjoy...


In the "Lusciously Lighter" category we have...









Next, we have darkly delicious...

Can A Man Be TOO Honest?!

Boredom was my first, middle and last name on this particular Saturday. To break the montony of my yawn fest, I decided to check my messeages on Spacehate. I'm sorry. MySpace. Anyhooters, there was a note from a long, lost shall we say...acquaintance. I was kinda curious as to what he could possibly want because we had a pluck your eyeballs out- knock down-drag out fight last time we spoke.



His message was casual. Yet he left his new # and asked me to call if I felt like it. Hmm. I waited about 2 days. What can I say? I just HAD to know what he wanted. I sent him a text just to feel out the situation. He replied back and we played textual tag for a minute. He then asked if I could call him so we could talk. I agreed. Just to break the ice more, I decided to ask him him some questions that would help me get a better feel as to what type of man I was dealin' with.

I gave him this scenario. What would you do if your best friend's girl tried to come on to you? How would you handle that? Would you tell him? Now, I gotta admit. I'm a pretty jaded individual. Based on my personal life events, nothing too much that happens nowadays surprises me. Yet his response left me bankrupt for words. Here's what he said. "If she was hot I would sleep with her and then tell my boy she wasn't sh*t."

Huh?? Was this dude for real? Is the word loyalty not listed as an entry in his personal dictionary of life? I asked him how he could betray his BEST FRIEND like that. His response was that guys basically stab each other in the back all the time. Get them before they get you was his convoluted logic. I was utterly disgusted. I think he knew I was because he replied by saying "hey, I'm just keepin' it real." I guess this is the part where he was expectin' some props or perhaps a standin' ovation.

Fortunately, the catastrophic call came to a screechin' halt not too long after his riveting revelation. Should he have been celebrated for the fact that he didn't hold back? Is there such a thing as bein' TOO real?

Booty Calls are Just One Click Away...

I couldn't believe my eyes. I read the email. I reread it again. A gentleman that I went to college with had sent me an open invitation to join him on a website referred to as OBC. Do these three lil' letters ring any bells? Let me spell it out. Literally.
O-ONLINE
B-BOOTY
C-CALL



Can't say that I was exactly flattered to receive this type of correspondence. Of course this email was quickly sent to my heapin' trash pile, internet style. Eventually though,curiousity just about strangled this cat so I had no choice but to investigate this matter just a lil' further.



Once I got to the website, it asks a series of about 15 short and to the point questions. It asked for physical descriptions from my height right down to my eye color. Next,I uploaded my profile pic. Once I made verification through my email, I was all set for my new booty quest!! The site is definitely user friendly. That's a plus, right? I noticed on the home page that it is divided up into 3 unique sections.

The first category is:

This is where it says how many folks are feenin' for the booty. YOUR booty. You can also retrieve any messages someone may have left. Lastly, you can get a peep as to who's been checkin' you out with profile views. Sound interesting yet?
Okay. Next, there is the:



or what the website calls the "Random Booty" section. Are you in the mood for a lil' danger and intrigue? If so, here is the section where the computer picks someone for you based on your zip code. I guess you could say that its kinda like virtual Russian roulette. Feelin' that soft and sexy tingle yet?
Lastly,




You guessed it.The Quick Search section. This is where you plug your zip code into the computer. Next, you tell the computer how many miles you want it to search out. The range is anywhere from 5-1,000 miles out!! Damn. You could jump in your ride and really go the distance for some skin slappin, bed bangin' booty action.



I bet you're all ready, set and excited to roll, huh? Wellll..pump your brakes for a sec. As with most things in life, this site has stipulations. Bottom line: you got to pay to play. Here's how it works. There are 2 different membership levels:

• Bronze-basic, bare bones. If you should happen to see someone who is lookin' kinda tasty, too bad. You can't send them a message unless this individual sends YOU one FIRST. The most that you could accomplish is to add them to your "booty" list. Consequently if you want to get noticed, then make sure your profile pic is lookin' right, know what I'm sayin?

• Gold-"Membership has its' privileges". At this level is where you're gonna start diggin in your pockets or pocketbook. Payments can be made on a monthly, quarterly, or yearly basis. The trick is to pay for more time upfront so that you will receive a discount over the long haul. At this level, you can send messages, intiate IM'ing, and a host of other things.

Tiffany's Tidbits of Truth: By no means am I condoning OR condemning this website. You are capable and consenting adults. If you decide to give it a try, have fun but PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!