Umm, yeah. See, I was...Wow. Ummm...yeah. Question. Is there anyone else wonderin' why Bey is suddenly lookin' like Casper The Friendly Ghost?
I mean, she's lookin' like she's rollin' with Edward and his crew from Twilight.
What in the name of fajitas and fish cakes is really goin' on here? Does she feel like she needs a skin bleaching scheme to try and stay on top? Was she not light-bright, and close-to white enough before? I don't know. Does somebody need to get in contact with Papa Knowles? I mean, even her hair has her lookin' like Fun -In The Sun Barbie. Bey Bey baby, this is NOT a good look. Quit while ya ahead 'fo ya start lookin' like:
Raising teenagers is about as much fun as clippin' the toenails off a rhino. I'm sorry. Allow me to digress. If you have perfect progenies like this:
then go out and have yourself a big ole' jelly jar full of sweet tea and CELEBRATE!!! Chile' that's AWESOME news!!
However, this is more of what my reality cast and crew looks like:
Case in point. My puberty-stricken 12 y.o.son. He is givin' me AND the students and staff at his school a MASSIVE migraine. You know your munchkin is a menance when the principal has you on speed dial. Hmmph. Ya betta ask somebody. I've tried givin' him an" attitude adjustment":
My bank account is in therapy cuz it's sufferin' from depression!!
Things just can't stay this way, so...
I'm makin' some new moves..
Lookin' for new employment endeavors...
Relocating my fam to the home of palm trees and sunny skies...
Did I forget to mention that..
Even though my piggy bank might be in intensive care right now, I realize that this is just a temporary hiccup. I still intend to take life by the chin, look in its face and say:
March 30, 2011. This day has been appropriately named "Wild And Wacked Out Wednesday." There were no end of the world predictions for that day. There were no midnight colored cats that were hangin' around our front door. Friday the 13th had come and gone. Little did we know that our lives were about to take on a cataclysmic change on such a seemingly..normal day.Started off ok. The kiddos went skippin' off to school. I stayed here at home carrying on my domestic duties. The day was goin' just fine and dandy.
4:30 P.M. Me and my lovable lil' angels had just finished stuffin' our stomachs with a delectable din din. A few minutes later, my darlin' daughter said that she needed to bend my ear for a few minutes. Oh Lawd. What now? For those of you that don't know, my tumultous teen queen puts the "d" in drama, ok? To say that I wasn't really lookin' forward to this parental powwow would be an understatement. Sigh. I took a few deep breaths and prepared myself for the unknown. She started tellin' me her ideas about leavin' the nest. Ya know, movin' out.
Now, don't get a sista wrong. I'm all for the youngins comin' into ther own AT THE RIGHT TIME. How-be-ever, my teen queen is still in high school. Bad timing. As the convo continued forward, it began to take a somewhat..different turn. She began to reveal to me that she wanted to be cozily cohabited with one of her gal pals and some "mystery" friend. Hmm. Kids think they so daggone slick, don't they? As I dug a lil' deeper, I uncovered the fact that this other "person" was a dude. We're not just talkin' some pimple-poppin', awkward-actin-gangly and goofy type teenage boy. Haha. Life just wouldn't be so simple. Let's just say that this guy is old enough where he could take me to our hole-in the wall-bar and buy me as many mango maragritas as I can drink!!
Whoa, whoa. Slow down Mustang Sally. She knew that she wasn't even allowed to be talkin' on the telly with this man (cuz he's too OLD). Now, she's flappin' her lips to say that they're gonna be SCHMOOZIN' AND SHACKIN' TOGETHER??!! WHAT??!! Once I was able to start breathing normally again, I calmly told her that that wasn't gonna happen. It had been made very clear to her before that if she wanted to continue to be taken care of AS A CHILD, then she was gonna have to put that relationship on the back burner.
Next thing I know, she's on the phone tellin' someone that she's about to bounce. Did I hear her right? Chile please. Chaos and confusion follow soon after. The handsets start ringin' off the hook. My mom calls askin' me questions that I really can't answer. My young woman is upstairs flingin' open dresser drawers and savagely stuffin' all her belongings in whatever bags she can find. It's slowly startin' to sink in. THIS GIRL IS LEAVIN' HOME TO LIVE WITH SOME RANDOM GUY THAT SHE MET WHILE INTERACTIN' ON THE INTERNET. Incredible.
Let me ask ya somethin'? Did you honestly believe that this daytime dilemma ended right here? My 18 y.o. not-goin' to high -school-anymore- daughter is now gonna be a ....
Man, these kids waste no time. She has about as much business with a baby as my 12 y.o. son. You see, even though she may be CHRONOLOGICALLY 18, her mind functions like that of a 12 or 13 y.o. child. The thing that REALLY had me about to pluck my eyelashes out one by one is the fact that she is bipolar. As a result of her pregnancy, her doctor has had to take her off one of her meds. We don't know what kind of effect that will have on her moods and such. How about the baby? What if her or she gets this dastardly disorder? I'm tellin' ya, it's enough to make me wanna holla.
I never thought that I would hear myself utter these words, but....I MISS GIRLFRIENDS. I have to thank my daughter for turnin' me on to this sometimes sexy,-other times silly-sitcom. At first glance it just looked like alot of overzealous and overly ripened acting. Consequently, I decided to give it a chance. I gotta tell ya. My tv viewing experience has never been the same.
Today my conscience is havin' an intervention with my REAL wants and desires. For so long, I have tried to put on a good face and pretend that a man's..ummm...exterior doesn't really faze me. I would tell my sistagurls: "Oh, it doesn't really matter if the size of his thighs could feed the continent of Africa for a month," I would claim. "As long as a gentleman is nice and has some other redeemin' qualities, it's alright."Wellllll...I LIED. This may make me sound like a diva that I'm not tryin' to be, but... I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO THE LIKES OF THIS:
Stop givin' me that crooked sideeye!! I'm not sayin' that a "supersize" meal can't be tasty. I just guess it depends on exactly how hungry you are. My appetite just isn't quite that large. Some people (especially dudes) have accused me of bein' short sighted and stuck up. Why? It's simply a personal preference. It's not meant to offend.
I can remember when I tipped the scales at over 200 lbs. Even though I was labeled as a "nice person," I would often be depressed and dateless. Most men that I came in contact with just werent lookin' for a woman that had more "cushion for the pushin." It wasn't happenin.' The male species often is very straight up about what they like and DON'T like. What's wrong with me doin' the same thing? Even though a man may have more to love and is able to perform awe-inspirin' acrobats such as this:
I think I'll have to set my sights elsewhere. Don't get it twisted though. He doesn't have to be packin' like this:
I just have zero interest in hookin' up with a guy who looks like he has a swimmin' pool inside his belly.
I can remember when this show first hit the airwaves on Buffoon Entertainment TV(i.e. BET). I thought that the storyline was corny and had more holes than a corpse after a drive by. Yet my teen queen made it her bizness to bounce her buns in front of the boob tube every week to catch this dreadfully drab drama.
When I used to hear bits and small pieces of this show, I used to wonder why it seems like most predominantly African American shows lack any real substance and the tv sets look as fake a gold chain from the hairstore. The cast is a bunch of B and Z list actors tryin' to shine and keep their jobs by seriously overactin' their different roles. Wendy is the worst with it.
From The Steve Harvey Show to Two Can Play That Game, her actin' is just WAY too hood. Regardless, my daughter was a die hard fan and insisted that I watch it. I mean, she would continously watch the reruns so much that I would secretly delete them from our DVR lineup. (Hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep yoursanity). When BET started advertisin' the new episodes, I thought that I would have to shoot her with a tranquilizer gun to calm her butt down!! Everytime they showed the commerical:
She would get to hollerin' like she was catchin' the Holy Ghost. 'Bout scared me to death. Somehow, her excitement became contagious like the stomach flu. Wouldn't you know that I caught it? I decided to give it another try. Honey, when the premiere night rolled around we were actin' like plum fools up in here!! We went and got all these munchies from the store like we were preparin' for a hurricane. I was postin' it on FB. Wowzers. I was out there. Finally the moment we had been waitin' for was up on us. In all honesty, the episode wasn't that bad. It was a nice twist to see Meagan Good even if she was feedin' Malik's hungry behind ego (plus ole' girl could really use thework):
Unfortunately, the actin' is still as overdone as my aunt's meatloaf. Malik and Jason are more obnoxious then they ever were. Kelly is killin' me with her new so called Bad Girls Club image. Oh well. Rome wasn't built in a day.
