Sigh. Mundane Monday's. It was just a blah, ho-hum kinda day. I decided that the perfect remedy for this snore-tatsic day was a lil' deep fried entertainment via internet style. I fired up the laptop and the star search was on!! While surfin' the gnarley waves on the world wide web, I caught a pounder that knocked my boogie board from underneath me and caused me to wipe out!! Take a gander at this precious gem to the far left:
Thinkin' she might be a motorcycle mami for Harley Davidson or perhaps the newest starlet to head up the reality series LA Ink? Hmm. Not quite. For those who don't make it a point of keepin' up with Hollywood's hottest, let me give you an instantaneous intro. This is the chick( Michelle McGee) that was...shall we say.."choppin' it up" with Mizz Sandy Bullock's horny hubby, a Mr. Jesse James.
Mmhmm. Unfortunately, sticky situations like this one have become quite common and customary in La-La land. Yet, it's what this cheatin' chica said about relationships that really made me sit up and take notice:
"All men cheat.Women need to accept that."
At first I'm thinkin' that Mizz Motor-Mouth McGee deserved a buttery-black-hand-side BITCH SLAP for makin' such a mindless and moronic statement. Yet, I decided to digress for a sec. Could Michelle's mantra indeed be THE transcendental truth that we as ladies need to accept regardin' relationships with the men in our lives? Have we as women failed to understand our men's needs by allowin' them to tap into the primal part of their personalities?
Since I consider myself to be somewhat of a thinker, I decided to investigate this matter a tad further. I mean statistically speakin', what are the numbers sayin' about our testerone -fueled tigers? In most studies the statistics were somewhat skewed. Yet the general average said that about 50-60% of married men step out on their better half while women come in at about roughly 45-55%. Shoot, I guess ladies are pimps too!!
Question. Why cheat? If you're wifey or boo is no longer igniting that fire the way they used to or you want to be like Luda said and have ho*s in different area codes, why not just live the swingin' single life? You could do as many women or men as your bedsprings will hold and not really have to explain yourself to anyone. Why say that you will be committed to that one clueless chico or chica? Then, as soon as their back is turned, the chase is back on!!
I don't know how anybody else feels about it, but I REFUSE to accept that statement as my way of thinkin' about men and their cheatin' hearts. It is my personal belief that despite these staggerin' statistics, that there ARE indeed some men who are able to keep it real AND at home. Unfortunately, the men who allow their snakes to be charmed by someone other than their woman, are the bad apples who can spoil the whole bunch.
To all my double-crossin' don's and diva's I have a special dedication for you today. Check it out:
Men beware!! We women can usually tell when things ain't quite right:
I was tired... Burned out... Busted and disgusted... Weary and worn out From this brotha' hollerin' 'bout How I was a REAL woman.. Mhmm...yeah, ok... How I was so, so thick with it.. Talkin' bout how he wanted to take me out... How he wanted to rain on me so that I would no longer feel the drought of bein' lonely and listless... Kingless and manless... Jealous and heartless... So..so.. Promises were made and exchanged and then Dates were arranged and then at the last minute changed..
But just when the moon was 'bout ready to change places with the sun Here he comes callin' me... Sayin' that he wants to see me.. How deeply sorry that he left me hangin' Just so that he could go bangin' the bedsprings of some other unsuspectin' broad...
I breathe...
I exhale...
No, his black tail didn't
Just try to disrespect my intellect
By rejectin' and neglectin' the fact that I am supposed to be
His Cleopatra...
His Rachel Ray seasonin' and tenderizin' that meat...
His Janet-Jack-Me while sweatin' and soilin' them pretty white Egyptian cotton sheets...
But he didn't appreciate me bein' his bedmate, his cellmate, his soul mate, his helpmate... Man, I couldn't wait for the winds to change and backdate to the love we once had But it's too bad...that day never came... I was done with the games and tryin' to take the blame for actions and circumstances That HE created.. Felt like love was WAY overrated and I hated myself for gettin' caught up and out in another afternoon episode of "The Young and the Loveless"...
Yet I digress cuz when I met you with all the finesse that you possess It made me double back..do a triple take... I mean, what other man could keep me up until daybreak tellin' me that my heartaches and pain would be a thing of the past... Can I finally start singin' like Etta "At last my love has come along..." "...I belong to you" like Rome sings is the anthem that I want you to bring everytime We're baskin' in each other's beauty and energy... Please don't walk away for if you do My feet may follow but my heart will become untrue...
**SIDEBAR: I MADE REFERENCES TO TWO VERY TALENTED ARTISTS: MS ETTA JAMES & ROME. LET YOUR EARS TAKE YOU ON A MUSICAL JOURNEY. ENJOY.
To go or NOT to go. This was the question dancin' along the corners of my mind on this particular Thursday mornin'. Should I make this darin' drive down to the Sunshine State with two surly teenagers and two overly rambunctious kiddos? My common sense and voice of reason were screamin' and hollerin' for me to rethink this option. But what could I do? My biological best friend (my momma) needed me like an alcoholic needs their sponsor. Why is that you may ask? Let me explain. See, one of her cuzzo's who just also happened to be her best friend received her wings and went to live with our Heavenly Father in Glory. I knew she was takin' it pretty hard.
My madre was in the process of flyin' the friendly skies on down there to Florida where the homegoin' services were bein' held. Meanwhile, I back in here in the land of the Texas two step and barbeques, was stuck in a dilemma. Man, that was gonna be a 24 hour drive. Plus, my finances were so tight that you would think I had a girdle fastened around my dinero!! I sucked in a watery, shaky breath and contacted my bank to check my ever shrinkin' bank account.
Well, wonders never cease!! I ended up havin' more cushion for the pushin' than I expected so this trip was on and poppin' baby!! Yes, this get-a-away was gonna drain my account so dry that it looked like the Sahara Desert but so what? Indeed, we would have to feast on PB&J sandwiches for the rest of the month but I didn't care. My best friend needed me. Some eight hours later, my rat pack and I loaded up the truck and hit the dusty trail!!
Needless to say that once we reached our destination, the sacrifice was all well worth it. Keep in mind that she had NO idea that we were comin'. My mom was so, so shocked and surprised. She cried, laughed, guffawed out loud and lifted holy hands ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!!! Hey! It takes a real display of talent to express so many different emotions at one time!! A couple of days later while I was casually loungin' at my grandfather's, I received a phone call. To my surprise, it was one of my favorite childhood bullies. He had heard from my cuz that I was down there for the funeral and he just wanted to say hey. At that very moment a very strange and surreal feelin'came over me. I asked him to drop by and visit. WHAT??!!
He came about 20 minutes later. I stepped outside expectin' to see the same skinny, kinda scrawny dude who was always goin' out of his way to be a donkey's behind every time he saw me. Honey, what I actually SAW was an endless river of carmel creamed skin that was beautifully inked with an array of the sexiest tats that I think that I had ever feasted my eyes on. I thought that I would never stop lookin' up at this dude. I mean, he's like the Empire State building tall! Just....breathtakin'. I gotta be real. I was only expectin' to talk to him maybe about 15-20 minutes. It wasn't like we were best of friends growin' up or anything.
As he and I began to chat it up, your girl learned some very..shall we say..interestin' information.
He told me that the reason that he was always so mean to me was because he was secretly crushin'! Are you serious??!! I never would have guessed that one!! Anywhooters, we continued to catch each other up on what was goin' on in each others' lives. I mean, let's face it. The last time that we interacted was about 15 years prior. Here's the part that really had me shook. I was really startin' to feel this gentleman. He was very easy on the eyes. I won't deny that. Yet, it was his stimulation of my cerebral cavity that really had me goin'. Was it really possible? I mean, the guy who I had once wished would step out in front of a movin' train was turnin' on my light switch in ways that I didn't think was possible.
We were both so drawn that we ended up spendin' the ENTIRE night together. Literally. I mean the sun was makin' it's way over the horizon by the time we pulled oursleves away from each other. Now, don't be shakin' your head and waggin' your finger!! I didn't let him tap it or wax it. We just spent the entire night talkin'. Ok. Maybe a few stolen kisses here and there but he did NOT get my panties as a souvenir or trophy. Lol.
It's been a lil' over a month. Things are goin' fantastically well considerin' that we're close to 2,000 miles apart. We talk and text every day as if we live in the same city. Logically, it all makes very little sense. We hadn't stayed in touch after all these years. We just met up with each other again one night and have bonded as tight as the glue on a weave. Incredible. He and I will be meeting up again come this summer and we're both thrilled beyond belief. The interconnection that we share defies my human understandin'. Don't worry. I haven't completely lost my head. We're takin' things as they come. But this time, I intend to grab life by the horns and just ride it out and..enjoy.
