I Gots To Tell It!!

Sometimes I feel like I'm moonwalking through my own life. Anybody else feel me? There are other days when it feels like I'm walkin' through sewage sludge mixed in with hot molasses and a squirt of Krazy Glue. Deep sigh. I love my kids. There's no mistake about that. But sometimes...sometimes, this parenting gig is the PITS!! Pass me the classifieds!! I want a new job!! There are days when I want to concoct myself a nice Vicodin/Prozac/whiskey cocktail and take a flyin' leap into a crocodile infested lagoon.



I'm not gonna blow a hole in you ear by tellin' you 'bout each one of my kids and their struggles. Nah, not today. (Sidebar:Check out my blogs entitled "Will She Ever Come Back?" and "What You Gonna Do When They Come For You?" and it will help you get to know my other young ones.) Right now, my tunnel vision is focused on the 4 y.o. baby of my squad. My lil' banana cream pie. My pint size Sweet Tarts. My....hey..is anyone else feelin' kinda snacky right now? Sorry(clearin' my throat). She's wonderfully and amazingly...autistic.Ok. I said it. AUTISTIC. Wanna know what's that's like? I have to still hang out in the baby aisle at Wally World to make sure that her Pampers stock is on point. There are times when we as a family can't go hang out at the mall or sit down and grab a bite to eat because at any given moment, she may give a blood curdling scream that sounds like some sort of mating call that you would hear on Animal Planet.





For those of you who may not know exactly what autism really is, please allow me to give you a 3 second explanation. Basically, it's a brain disorder that hinders social interaction and communication with others. They usually are also characterized by the fact that they will REPEATEDLY do the same things over and over. For example, my daughter has no speech. Instead, she makes the same sounds or noises one after the other. Several times in a row. Day in. Day out. She doesn't understand how toys work or what she's supposed to do with them. Like an infant, just about everything makes a beeline directly to her mouth. She sometimes eats her own poop which is a REAL showstopper.

I often wonder what goes on inside of her cerebral cavity. Is she silently screaming the way I often do? I LONG for my baby to be normal. To be able to play with other kids and not have them stare at her like she's an experiment in a Petri dish. To have her siblings understand her handicap and embrace her in the package in which she was originally wrapped in. But in all fairness, am I able to lovingly accept her flaws and all? Do me a solid y'all. The next time you're in a grocery store or shopping center and you see a parent tryin' to handle an out of control youngster, don't automatically assume that the child is just a lil' bad azz who needs to be whooped. Perhaps the baby has some serious problems or issues that you have no knowledge of. Give the parent a HUGE Kool Aid smile. Trust me. They could probably use it.