Look, I KNOW that's it pretty early in the day....but umm...would anyone object to me havin' a lil' mornin' 'intoxicant'?
I needs me a lil' liquid courage right about now (throwin' back an imaginary shot glass).
Ahhhh, that's good.
Well, what you waitin' on? Sit on down so I can tell you what happened!!
Woke up feelin' mighty proud of myself. I mean, hey. I actually woke up before my annoyin' alarm clock started blastin' off!
Son got off to summer school ok.
Well, I figured I had a few minutes to kill before my lil' cherub let her presence be known.
Sooo...I kicked back and started catchin' up on my Law & Order: LA episodes.
About 20 minutes later, I could tell that my daughter was up and ready to start her day.
I began my trek up the steps.
Sniff-sniff.
Oh no.
Oh Lawd, please no.
My steps start slowin' down.
I'm catchin' a serious case of the screwface.
DAMN.
I round the corner and...
WHY??!! What did I do wrong?
I bet it's cuz I didn't go to church yesterday.
I look in her room.
WHAT IN THE BLUE F*C*??!!
It looked like a herd of elephants took a crap on her floor and started square dancin' throughout her space AND our family room.
Oh, did I forget to mention that we have OFF WHITE CARPET??!!
Man....I... (breathin' through the side of my mouth)
Let me just 'splain' somethin' real quick.
My little girl has autism.
She's six years young and..
She's not potty trained and..well..
Guess the designated poopy-picker-upper better get to work before my whole house starts smellin' like the San Diego Zoo.
I swear on my Grandma Van's false teeth, that it don't even look like Resolve gone be able to get these stains out.
Heavy sigh.
When you gotta go.