I'm An Equal Opportunity Playa/ E.O.P.

I was chattin it up with my best bud through online correspondence. Ya know good ole email. Unfortunately, we can't talk retina to retina because he is sailing the ocean blue protecting our seaways from enemies both near and far. What a man, what a man, what a man, what a MIGHTY good man!! Ahem. Sorry. To protect his privacy (and to save a tongue lashing later on) I won't use his real name. Let's just call him...Reggie. I relayed to Reg that I had come in contact with a new victim..I mean gentleman. I described to my com padre that the relationship that I had with this new guy was far from serious but closer to casual. Sigh. True to male form, he assumed that me and this new brother were tearing up headboards and becoming stockholders with the Trojan Brand Condoms Company.


Damn. How does he know me so well? But just like a child who's been caught with their hand in the cookie jar...I denied that laid back aspect of my new found fling. Reg then asked how I was feeling about this newbie. I politely informed him that I really felt..nothing. Kinda like looking at a blank piece of paper. I mean, this guy just doesn't move me except in the boudoir. I mean he has the skills of a professional porn star. I'm talking real here. When he puts his fries with my shake,(vigorously shaking my head) I lose all sense of time and space. I instructed my partner in crime that if my new friend didn't have a gold medal in the pole vault competition, than I would have given him his pink slip already. In other words, HIS PURPOSE IS MERELY TO QUENCH MY SEXUAL APPETITE AND THIRST AT MY DISPOSAL.

I mean, is that so terrible? Is this like asking someone to sacrifice their first born? Reggie thought so. His response was scathing. Harsh. To say I was shocked and throwed is the understatement of the year. He told me that a man's ultimate purpose in life is not to be used. He than began questioning our own interconnection. He asked me to tell him what my intentions were for him. Oh my Becky. Where in the cosmos is this all stemming from? Ok. Since I consider myself a Henney with no coke kind of chick, I gotta mention this. Sigh. Reg and I had an intimate encounter of the best kind about a month and a half ago. It only happened once. Things got kinda freakish for a minute after that. But shoot, I thought we were back on the good foot. I told him that he would always be my best friend no matter what. I made it known that I do like to sample more than one flavor of ice cream at a time. Ironically, he has chosen to walk down the same path. I mean he loudly proclaims from the rooftops that he loves being a bachelor. I don't condemn him for his lifestyle choice. Why should he poo poo on mine?