2 Much Drama For This Mama!!

Makes Me Wanna Holla!!!

2011-11-16T09:31:00.001-06:00

If you REALLY wanna know how I'm feelin' 'bout my son these days..well...jus' check out Mama Mufusa's mug in the above shot. Yup. Now if she would just put her hands in her hair and pull till her roots are screamin' for mercy, that would be more accurate.
Welcome to my world.
I have the pleasure and pain of havin' a 12 y.o. son.
Ya know.
Voice octaves go from Pee Wee Herman to Barry White within 6.3 seconds.
Clearsil has become a permanent fixture in his bathroom.
Tries to be slick by sneakin' my cell and watchin' steamy skin flicks all courtsey of Youtube.
Yes suh.
Good ole puberty.

Lookin' at my phone and seein' things in the browser like" hot lip hotties" is enough to make me wanna go runnin' in the middle of I-35 blindfolded with a shower cap and fuzzy slippers on.
Sadly though, that's only part of my daytime dilemma.
A couple of weeks ago I was seekin' and searchin' for some cold hard cash that I had left in my purse.
Hmm. Not there.
Well, that's weird.
I shook out all the old,wrinkled up tissues, out dated receipts, and clunky pennies from
my pocketbook thinkin' maybe I had just overlooked it somehow.
Still no George Washington's to be found.
Then, it hit me.

I knew my son took it. Man, I was so heated even my butt muscles was shakin'.
Here's what I knew. If I ASKED him if he took the $ he would swear on his video game collection that he hadn't seen it or messed with it.
I knew the issue had to be confronted.
Ya see, one of the things that my mom had always taught us was that if a person lies, they will sho' 'nuff steal.
I never wanted to believe that. Especially about my own kids.
However, I knew my seed was one of the biggest liars this side of the Rio Grande.
All that evening, I kept puttin' it off and puttin' it off.
Just didn't feel like talkin' 'bout nothin' else negative cuz it's ALWAYS somethin' with him, ya know?
Anywhooters, I knew that I couldn't delay the inevitable.
THE TIME HAD COME.

I told him that I knew that he took the money. At first he tried to deny it (big surprise there).
Eventually he revealed that the reason that he had "sticky fingers sydrome" is because he wanted to prove to the other kids that he wasn't a nice kid after all.
Wow. Seriously?
Although I am somewhat sympathetic towards the plight of preteens and them tryin' to get in where they fit in, this was still unacceptable.
I grounded him and took away privileges.
Hoenstly though, it really doesn't seem like it phased him cuz somedays he comes home from school with unaccounted for "gifts" that "some girl in the hallway" gave him.
AAARRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
WHAT WILL IT TAKE??!!!

Shocked And Surprised!!

2011-07-23T11:58:00.007-05:00

There I was.
Casually crusin' the internet interstate lookin' for tantalizing topics of discussion when I decided to make a pit stop here: http://blackgirlsareeasy.blogspot.com/

Couldn't believe what I was readin'.
Was this guy for real?
He took the subject of "steppin' out on your mate" to a brand new level.
Givin' us gurls a blow-by-blow(no pun intended) blueprint of how we can indeed have our cake and eat it too.

Y'all gonna have to 'scuse me but it's 'bout to get REAL funky up in here.
Check this out.
Cheatin' is WRONG.
PERIOD.

•I don't care if you're a NFL OR NBA baller.

•Doesn't matter if you can make an individual orgasmically combust from all the cash you may have in your bank accounts.

•It's irrelevant if you've got game good enough to make him or her " leave the one their with to start a new relationship with you."

•Don't care if you've got boobs big enough to end world hunger.

It just...AINT. RIGHT.

I'm about to take a hard left with this convo so hang on tight.
Any man who has big enough walnut sacs to call a woman out her name because she chooses to
"test drive" a different model car than the one she has sittin' at home, can politely kiss my San Andreas Fault line.
Now.
I ain't sayin' that ole' girl is livin' right.
But damn y'all.
What happened to equal opportunity?
Why she gotta be called skank?
Chickenhead?
Bitch?
How 'bout stankin' azz ho?
If a lady is all of these thangs, than what does that make a man who's gettin' down and dirty just like the sista' is?

WE GET IT ALREADY!!!

2011-07-20T08:05:00.003-05:00

Say hello to the new "Kim Kardashian" of the sports world.
Dang Serena!
Is she feelin' like she doesn't already get enough attention from rippin' and runnin' 'round that tennis court in those itty bitty skirts and thangs?
I'm sayin'.
This was supposed to be a reputable sports award ceremony.
Not the BET or Soul Train Awards.

Her stylist should have told her to tuck her tata's back in just a wee bit more.
The public doesn't need to be able to see if her areolas are the color of black coffee.
I'm surprised her nip-nips didn't spontaneously combust from all that fiery friction.
For real though.
There's nothin' wrong with a woman tryin' to look her best and break a few necks cuz she workin' it out.
But damn.
You can look sexy without lookin' like a slutburger with a side order of sleaze and skank.
Leave a lil' sumthin'-sumthin' to the imagination.

Thing is, Serena is a BEAST on the tennis court.
She actually has talent and skills that don't require that she flex her pelvic muscles and take xrays just to prove that her booty wan't manufactured in a factory.

All that boobage and booty wasn't even enough to keep him rooted and grounded:

Listen y'all.
'Rena can command attention for her tennis game alone.
She don't have to resort to lookin' like a high priced madame to be noticed.
The Lord already gave her somethin' to work with without her "cups" havin' to "run over."

Was I Wrong For This?

2011-07-18T14:29:00.003-05:00

Let's pop bottles and bring out that overly greasy box of Church's chicken y'all!
It's time to celebrate!
I'mma 'bout to jump the broom!!

Ok.
Maybe I'm not QUITE as excited as this brotha' but..you get the idea.
Alright guys. Here's the situation.
It was Friday.
Was about to get in my ride to run some much needed errands when I noticed something on my windshield.
No, not the remains of what a bird ate and dropped.
My inspection tag was as expired as a 10 day old loaf of bread at 7-11.
Dang.
Now I would have to act like a man with two warrants out on him and duck and dodge the po po in order to avoid gettin' a ticket.

Finally.
By hook and crook, I made it to our neighborhood body shop where the inspection would take place.
Like any good citizen I gathered all the needed materials to make this a success.
Driver's license.
Check.
Car insurance.
Yes suh.
Gettin' ready to step out the car when this tatted-up carmel chewy-deep-dimples-hunk of a man comes to my car door before I even could get out.
Now that's what I call service!!

Ok.
I know what you must be thinkin'.
But hey!
I'm engaged.. I ain't blind!!
So this honey hued homeboy asked me for all the necessary info.
Eagerly, I complied.
But ya know.
I had to play it icy cool.
C'mon now.
I was just droolin' INTERNALLY.
No biggie, right?
I simply was sightseein' and enjoyin' his ..magnificent mountains..and the rest of his..uh... luscious landscape...
Alrighty then.
He takes my car for a lil' spin while I went inside and listened to the owner complain about the sad state of affairs of the world.

About 15 minutes later, my car was officially legal again!!
I wasn't ridin' durty no mo'!!
Was walkin' out when Mr. Suave and Smooth slid back through the front door.
He asked me if I would allow him to pull my car around to the front so that I wouldn't have to walk to the back.
Was he SERIOUS??!
Does Diddy have dolphin teeth?
AB-SOL-FREAKIN-LUTELY!!
Next thing I knew I was in my ride about to push off when...
HE approached.
AGAIN.
Convo went something like this:
HIM:So are you gonna come back sometime?
Me: Uhh..yeah, the next time my car needs an inspection which is a year from now.

HIM: Well..I mean uhh..yeah (mild laughter)..but uhh...I mean maybe we can go out sometime..ya know?
Me: Blank stare.
HIM: I mean, uhh...maybe I can get your number or somethin'? You're not married, are you?
Me: (Side eye and smirk) Nope. Yourself?
HIM: Nah. I'm single. So, can I get your number?
Me:(Rapid eye blinking) Uhh...I'll take yours.
HIM: Yeah...alright.
(Hands me piece of paper.)
HIM: When you gone call?
ME: Ummm...(eyes lookin' upward) soon.

Welp. There it is.
I mean, was I wrong for givin' this guy the impression that I was open for bitness?
Shoot.
Men (in general) are the WORST.
They always keepin' at least ONE eye open.
Dudes get off the hook with it when they with they boys.
Oh Lawd.
Ain't no tellin' how many numbers OR pairs of Victoria's Secrets or Tawanda's Secrets or Kim's Secrets he might be comin' home with.
See, I believe in equal opportunity amongst the sexes.

If guys can do it..well...

Maybe It's Just Me But...

2011-07-15T09:03:00.004-05:00

Maybe what I'm about to say would be considered sacrilege.
Oh well.
I'll chant my Hail Mary's and light the prayer candles later.
But I just can't hold back no longer.
IDRIS ELBA'S ACTING IS AS FLAT AS A WARM, UNOPENED 3 LITER BOTTLE OF SPRITE.
There.
I said it.
Whether he's bein' the doting, dutiful dad:

Or the bad boy bank robber:

His performances are yawn worthy.
To me, he always acts the same no matter what kind of character he tries to portray.
He is marvelously mundane and mediocre.
Sorry Idris.

Wish I Was More Like Her..

2011-07-13T08:25:00.004-05:00

When my darlin' 18 year old-she child left home, I felt like Evander must've felt when Mike decided to have a snack and nibble on his ear.
Confused. Dazed. EXCRUCIATING PAIN.
She left home cuz she knew that she couldn't have her red velvet cake and eat it too.
Here was our issue.
She was involved with a dude that I felt was just too dang old.
I mean, what was wrong with her gettin' a lil high school homeboy?
After all, she was still a senior.
Not quite grown yet.

It was brought to my attention that she had been sneakin' behind my back and still choppin' it up with this man.
I'm sorry, but that just didn't sit well with me.
See, my parenting philosophy was real simple.
If she didn't like the ground rules that I had set up, well..
Let's put it this way.
It's my job to take care of KIDS, not kids tryin' to be GROWN.
Told her that she couldn't continue to eat, sleep and be taken care of if my guidelines couldn't be followed.
Guess I told her, huh?

Gotta be real and say that it didn't quite go the way that I thought it would.
She was supposed to be too SCARED to be out there in the big wide world.
Without the help and support of her mommy dearest.
Chile' please.
She ended up callin' her man, packed her stuff and got GHOST.
Man, my mind was movin' a million miles a second.
She did it.
SHE REALLY WALKED OUT OF HERE TO BE WITH HER BABY BOO.
Gave up everything that was familiar and somewhat safe to forge out into the unknown.

Ok.
What I'm about to say may sound mad crazy and off the wall.
Kinda like Hannibal Lecter or Charles Manson-crazy.
But today was my drinkin' day so here it goes.
I ADMIRED HER.
Felt like she was my heroine.
My girl didn't know what was waitin' for her once her feet hit the door.
She knew that when she left up out of here that it was gonna be a DONE DEAL.
Wasn't allowed to come back.
Yet, because she didn't want to take a gamble and lose a potential good thing, she took her chances and rolled out.
She didn't allow her fear to keep her from pursuing her passion.
HIM.

Coincidentally, I'm facin' a somewhat similar situation with my own Mom and my fiance.
Think she would rather see me with the likes of Napoleon Dynamite.
We're two best friends at a crossroads.
While the choice is obvious, it's not an easy one.
I love my Mom with every single fiber of my being.
But my fiance is the only man that I want to spend the rest of my life loving.
I'm taking a page out of my teen queen's book and going forth not knowing what lies ahead.
Like her, I'm willing to take the risk.

Smooth Sunday Sounds

2011-07-10T10:42:00.005-05:00

Teddy.

His lyrics go down like an icy cold glass of Chardonnay.

Velvety smooth.

His music is subtly sensual, but not graphically sexual.

What's a quiet storm without the thunder that Teddy's tunes bring down?

I Ain't Feelin' Her Right Now!

2011-07-08T17:25:00.011-05:00

I had alot of respect for her.
She can sing AND tickle the keys.
AT THE SAME TIME.
Her lyrics are movin' and upliftin'.
Plus, the fact that she is drop dead GAWJUS sho' doesn't hurt her none.

I feel like Alicia is before her time in terms of her sound.
Like she has an old soul.
She ain't singin' 'bout nobody droppin' they booty to da floor and makin' it quake.
When she comes out on stage to perform, you can't see if she has nipple rings or see her Tampax string danglin' from between her thighs.
The girl's style screams class.
Grace.
Respect.

Don't get me wrong.
She's still as pretty as a picture.
Can still tear a piano up.
It's her sense of MORALITY (or lack thereof) that's got my bikinis in a bunch.
Y'all already know what I'm talkin' bout.
Her and Swizz Tweets.
Oh my fault.
But doesn't he look strangely like some exotic bird species that you might find in the bushes of the Bahamas?
Let's face it.
Swizz had a wife.
A family.

Before this all went down, Swizz and Alicia had been workin' very closely together.
I get that.
But when she felt like her feelings were movin' out of the friends' zone and into the "please throw me down on the soundboard and sex me till my knees cramp up" zone she had a chance to check herself AND him.
Obviously, she didn't.
Can you imagine how Mashonda must have felt?
That's right.
Like a thong wedged in between the butt cheeks of a 450 lb woman.
Deserted AND betrayed.
I gotta say though.
Shonda handled it like a true champ.

I'm sure Alicia had plenty of dudes who would've given up they playa' status just for the CHANCE to even clean her toilet bowl.
What was wrong with gettin' with a man who was SINGLE??!!
Forgive me.
But I have zero tolerance for these type of home wreckin' shenanigans.
I mean, they didn't just have some torrid, passionate one year affair.
Alicia got knocked up.
That was heartbreakin'.
They didn't just elope and go runnin' off to a justice of the peace or even let Elvis marry them in Vegas.
These peeps had an elaborate Nefertiti-Nile River-Egyptian type themed wedding.

As a woman, I felt this one.
To me, this was a like givin' a woman a bitch slap wearin' brass knuckles.
HELLA PAINFUL.
In the wise words of Grant M. Bright:
"You reap what you sow. Life is like a boomerang. Our thoughts, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."

Alicia gurl, let's take a quiz.
Here's my first question to you:

Friday's Femme Fatale

2011-07-08T10:45:00.003-05:00

Soulful.
Sensual.
Smooth.
Sassy.
Jill Scott.
All the way REAL.
All the way LIVE.

Even though she works in the land of Hollywhore ('scuse me I meant Hollywood), I've never heard about her:
*Havin' sex tapes floatin' around on the net
*Messin' 'round with somebody else's man or husband
*Havin' someone conveniently "leak" nekkid or revealin' pics of her layin' on her bed with her finger stuck in her nether regions
Now, don't get me wrong.
I ain't sayin' that she isn't participatin' in any of these asinine activities.
She's just classy enough that we never really HEAR too much about her private life.

Her music isn't a bunch of feel good beats with mindless flow and lyrics.
It has substance.
Musically meaty.
She talks about topics and issues that I as a woman can relate to.
She ain't talkin 'bout sexin' a man out of all dey dough.
Not singin' 'bout goin' shoppin' with her gurls at stores where they ain't even HIRIN' black women let alone shoppin' there.
Nah.
Ms. Scott is on a whole 'nother level.

I'm not sayin' her music is rated PG.
She keeps it gully... but just in a sophisticated kind of way.
If you listen to some of the words in her songs, you can tell that Jill is probably a freak-a-leek.
Good for her.
Here's an example.
These are some the verses to one of her tunes called "Epiphany:"

Watching,
Watching as he took the holder off his shoulder
Fire in his eyes, hands gettin' bolder
...dug him for his bank account but really for his private
Damn about a mindset
Really wasn't into that
Needed me some pleasin' his jawn lookin' real fat
Started simple
Massaging on my temple
Pinching on my....

Honey, this girl puts sex in spoken word like I ain't neva heard before!
If you like those lyrics, this song can be found on this cd:

This Chick Needs Some Help!!

2011-07-07T18:47:00.005-05:00

Don't get it twisted.
I support my sistas, mmkay?
I don't make a practice of drinkin' tall, frosty glasses of Haterade.
I just tells it like I sees it.
Now,what I'm about to say may indeed get me some mean mugs and maybe even some smackin' and poppin' of the lips.
But I'm prepared cuz what I'm about to preach is GOSPEL.

Lisa Raye.
Beautiful?
Of course she is...no Stevie Wonder here.
But let's be real.
Her actin' skills are as stank as orangutan poop roasted over an open fire.
No matter what role she plays, she always plays it the SAME WAY.
HORRENDOUSLY HOOD.

Is it any wonder that most movies she ends up in look like a film student's homework project?
Ya know the ones.
The actors have like 5 minute pauses between each line.
Hairstyles lookin' like they came straight from the pages of Homemade Hoochie Hair.
The actin' styles are seriously overdone like Golden Corral's meatloaf.
Are you thinkin' that I have no appreciation for the various riveting roles that Lisa plays?
Haha.
Then check out this sad sack of shiznit:

If you don't want to see Clifton Powell's hershey squirt skid marks in his tidy whitey's, I wouldn't watch this one.
Nah. I'm serious.
Or how about this one:

WOW.
I haven't even seen this one in the $5.00 bin at Wally World.
See what I'm sayin?
She's got high class looks with low budget skills.
Somehow she wormed her way onto VH1's Single Ladies.

This is just my opinion as humble as it may be, but perhaps she should just stick to modelin'.

At least that way she doesn't have to open her mouth.

Movin' On...

2011-07-05T13:14:00.004-05:00

With each passing day I've come to realize a fundamental truth.
LIFE CHANGES.
Yes indeed.
I remember my first taste of what REAL freedom felt like.
Graduation Day baby!
Glidin' and slidin' down that aisle while the tassle on my cap kept whippin' and wavin' in my face.
My parents plottin' and plannin' how they was gonna "rechristen" all the rooms in the house once they child done finally hit the bricks.
Ok. Wait. (Needle scratchin' on the record).
Never mind. That visual almost made last night's din din resurface.
Anywhooters, I had everything all mapped out.

College.
Grad school.
PhD.
Marriage.
Open up my own marriage counseling practice.

I actually did get to college.
Partied a lil' bit. Studied more though.
Yes, I am a certfied geek (but a COOL one).
Enlightening experience.
Studied there for 2.5 years until...

Dropped out of school.
Moved me and my wee lil' one down to the home of gators and orange trees.
Lived with my boyfriend/baby daddy/buttwipe.
One year later.

Are you sick of me yet?
I dang sure am!!
Mom and Dad decided to call it quits.
She loads up the Lincoln and we move on down to the land of the two step and rodeos.
Welp. It's been 15 years.
I've endured 3 MORE young ones, several dead end jobs AND a marriage spurned from the boughs of HELL.
But I'm still here. With most of my sanity in tact.
I've since divorced and am engaged to wonderful man who embraces my weaknesses and doesn't EXPLOIT them.
My children and I are pilin' up the movin' truck and beatin' feet to the land of sunny skies and endless beaches.

Guess what?
Once I get to my destination, I'm goin' back to finish my education and become that counselor that I always dreamed about.
Am I scared?
Shakin' like a crack fiend tryin' to go cold turkey.
But ya know, I've decided to allow my fear to motivate me in the right direction.
No more lookin' back.
Full steam ahead.

Smooth Sunday Sounds

2011-07-03T09:55:00.003-05:00

I live in the land of cowboys, beef brisket and beans.
The main music choice around these parts is the likes of Faith Hill & Tim McGraw.
Forgive me for my bluntness, but..country music makes me want to do a flyin' leap off the Statue of Liberty.
With no parachute.
What I need is the soothing sounds of an alto sax mixin' and minglin' with the melodies of a electric guitar.
Mmmhmm.

My Perfect Recipe for Sunday Sounds:

Two Tablespoons of Fourplay

A couple cups of George Benson

Mix well with Jazzmasters and Pieces of a Dream

Sit back, relax and allow these sounds to musically marinate and permeate your senses!

Here's my Sunday Sound pick for today:

Friday's Femme Fatale

2011-07-01T07:30:00.003-05:00

They don't make 'em quite like this no mo'. Yes suh! Pam Grier was...THAT. WOMAN. Badly behaved. But she had reason to be.
They killed her man.
One time some thugs tried to take over her daddy's business. Y'all know Pam wasn't goin' for dat!!
She fought for truth.
Justice.
Who else you know that could wear a slinky and sexy dress, wield a double barreled shotgun, AND throw some karate kicks that would make even Bruce Lee envious?
Ya betta' know it!!
My girl Pam.

For all my blaxplotation buds out here in Blogsville, tonight startin' at 8, you can catch Pam packin' a powerful punch in:
Sheba Baby
Coffy
AND...
Foxy Brown!!!

So jump in ya jammies, pop some kettle corn, grab a glass goblet of grape Kool-Aid, and tune into TV-One!!
If for some reason, ya can't tune in at that time, then DVR IT!!

Could My Day Get Any BETTER??!!

2011-06-27T09:06:00.003-05:00

Look, I KNOW that's it pretty early in the day....but umm...would anyone object to me havin' a lil' mornin' 'intoxicant'?
I needs me a lil' liquid courage right about now (throwin' back an imaginary shot glass).
Ahhhh, that's good.
Well, what you waitin' on? Sit on down so I can tell you what happened!!
Woke up feelin' mighty proud of myself. I mean, hey. I actually woke up before my annoyin' alarm clock started blastin' off!
Son got off to summer school ok.
Well, I figured I had a few minutes to kill before my lil' cherub let her presence be known.
Sooo...I kicked back and started catchin' up on my Law & Order: LA episodes.

About 20 minutes later, I could tell that my daughter was up and ready to start her day.
I began my trek up the steps.
Sniff-sniff.
Oh no.
Oh Lawd, please no.
My steps start slowin' down.
I'm catchin' a serious case of the screwface.
DAMN.
I round the corner and...

WHY??!! What did I do wrong?
I bet it's cuz I didn't go to church yesterday.
I look in her room.
WHAT IN THE BLUE F*C*??!!
It looked like a herd of elephants took a crap on her floor and started square dancin' throughout her space AND our family room.
Oh, did I forget to mention that we have OFF WHITE CARPET??!!
Man....I... (breathin' through the side of my mouth)
Let me just 'splain' somethin' real quick.
My little girl has autism.
She's six years young and..
She's not potty trained and..well..
Guess the designated poopy-picker-upper better get to work before my whole house starts smellin' like the San Diego Zoo.
I swear on my Grandma Van's false teeth, that it don't even look like Resolve gone be able to get these stains out.
Heavy sigh.

I'm Just NOT Ready!!

2011-06-24T09:38:00.003-05:00

Am I bein' selfish?
Probably. Not interested in bein' politically correct today. Yeah, I might end up soundin' like a bad mamacita. But ya know what? I'm just gonna have to take that chance. Those with hearts and emotions with the constitution of warm jello, might quickly want to make their escape. Sigh. Come. Let me show you what's got my mind spinnin' and spiralin' out of control.

I'm gonna be a GRANDMA!!!! I DON'T WANNA! I DON'T WANNA!!(stompin' my feet.)
Yeah, yeah. I could be like this cool grammy in the picture who is able to perform amazing acrobatic feats. But....I'm.Just.Not.Ready. (No, I'm not ready to be a grandmother or to kick my leg up like that). Anywhooters, there are a couple of reasons why I'm feelin' like a grumpy gram gram.

My daughter is only 18.-She just graduated in May. C'mon now. My lil' mama is young. What's even more like a rabbit punch to the gut is that she got preggers on PURPOSE. Why would she take a chance on forfeiting her destiny? Silly girl.

Her maturity level rivals that of a 12-13 y.o. kid- I understand that she is now considered an adult. Legally. However, when it comes to being responsible and conducting herself like a grown up..well...let me give you an example.

11:30 PM. earlier this week.

Phone ringing.

Me: (irritated tone) Yes Nadia. How can I help you?

Nadia: Are you asleep?

Me: Yes! You know that I have to get your brother up early for summer school.

Nadia: Why are you asleep so early?

**Crickets chirping**

Me:Nadia...WHAT..DO..YOU..WANT??!! I'm sleepy and WANT TO GO TO BED!!

Nadia: But Mom, I wanted to talk to you about the Spongebob Squarepants Movie!

Me: (dead silence while blinking rapidly) Goodnight Nadia.

3. **She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder- Living with someone that suffers from this destructive disorder is like riding the Goliath roller coaster at Six Flags. Once you get on, you know you're gonna hit those deep, steep hills...just not sure WHEN its gonna happen. Her moods are strangely similiar. Up and down. A twist here. A 50 ft drop there. Its gotten so severe, that she's had to be hospitialized more times than I have fingers and toes. It's scary to see my daughter suffer like this. Imagine her tryin' to be accountable for an itty bitty one with this dark cloud loomin' over her. Frightening.

As a result of her pregnancy, her doctor has had to stop her from taking one of her meds. So far so good. You know, I didn't make the choices that have ultimately put her in this sad situation. Yet when you love someone, sometimes their struggles will become your own. Even though you didn't ask for it.

Grow Up Already!!

2011-06-23T10:56:00.010-05:00

I have a 17 year old son. He's tettering between the bridge of boyhood and the manhole of manhood. Arghh!! More often than not, he's testy, moody and brooding. His room often smells like overcooked onion stew with a side of toejam. Video games and our Netflix subscripton seem to be the only things that makes him want to rise and shine. When he finally does lumber out of his batcave, he is often whinin' and wearin' my nerves askin' why he has to get up so early. Excuse you. SINCE WHEN IS 11 IN THE DARN (Yes, I said DARN..this is serious..) MORNIN' CONSIDERED EARLY??

Just in case you didn't put two and two together my son is now a senior. SAT scores. Prom. College. I would think that my man-in-training would be excited and feelin' downright exhilarated. Think about it! Don't have to worry about Mom comin' in his domain uninvited. Girls. Gettin' to live in an apartment setting with a bunch of horny, clueless teenage dudes. Girls. LOTS.OF.GIRLS. Geez, ok. You get the idea. Wouldn't it seem like he would be ready to go slippin' and slidin' down that aisle to snatch up that diploma?

Well, he ain't!! Lawd knows I've tried to be a good mama to this boy. Offered to help him search for schools. Tried to help him find a job so that he can exercise his right to be more responsible and make a few extra buckaroonies while he's at it. Sigh. Why can't he get motivated? Why does he act like he's tryin' to walk around with lead Timberlands on?

Mama's Movie Review!!

2011-06-20T13:41:00.006-05:00

Question. Would you be willing to put your own life at risk to get the things you've always wanted? What kinds of things would you do to get fame and fortune? What if you could get just about any beautiful bambino or handsome hunk that your heart desired? Would ya do it? If your answer was "heck yeah, fa sho', prolly or maybe," than what ya waitin' on? Ya need to hit up Netflix or Redbox and check this flick out!

I had never seen or heard of this moving picture masterpiece. Consequently, when I saw that my main man Robert Deniro was in this one, I was DEFINITELY all in! This one is about a dude who's down on his luck. I mean, his woman told him sayanora. He lives in a dump that would make the projects look like Hollywood Hills. Pathetic. But then, in comes his guardian angel wearin' a black Brook Brothers suit. Here is where the thrill ride begins and never stops.

Shut Your Pothole!!

2011-06-16T10:34:00.007-05:00

Ever feel like your mouth is movin' at about 150 mph while your brain is strugglin' to catch up?
I have to say that I don't ALWAYS feel like Mrs. Mary Motormouth. Yet when I'm in the presence of my mama, I have more slips of the lip than a crooked politician. Sigh. Is it really a mystery as to why she ALWAYS has a sideways opinion about my choice of men and how my children are wreaking havoc?

I wish I could blame this pathetic perdicament on some sad, unsuspecting sap. Wouldn't that make my life so much more bearable? But today, I'm puttin' on my big girl briefs and ownin' up to my own flaw. I TELL MY MOM WAY MORE THAN SHE NEEDS TO KNOW. Say, do they make Immodium AD for "diarrhea of the mouth?" If so, I need to go to Wally World and stock up!!

If my daughter and I get into a girl fight, I tell my mom. When my son decided to run around the house wearin' scarves on his head and randomly beltin' out show tunes, I told my momma. (She then proceeded to break out the annointed oil and lay hands on him). How about the time my super sexy fiance made me mad enough to want to finely grind up some glass shards and coat his freshly fried tilipia with it? You'll never guess who I told? Go on, guess!! Congratulations!! If you said "my mother," you win the grand prize of $3.oo and some coupons to Little Caesar's! (Sorry, but this economic depression is affectin' my dividends).

Ya know what's so weird? I get totally ticked off when she gives me her two cents concerning my own personal daytime drama! Why in the name of wigs and weaves would I be gettin' hot for? It's my own darn fault!! If I could learn how to lasso my own lips, then my mom wouldn't offer her advice that I usually don't want to follow anyway!!

Please allow my sad situation to be a word to the wise. If you don't want people givin' out free advice regardin' your cheatin' man or dead end job, then ya might want to keep those tasty lil' tidbits to yourself!!

My Secret Garden...

2011-06-11T13:32:00.011-05:00

Surprisingly....yes. But..should all secrets be kept silent? What about if you're in a relationship with the man or woman of your dreams? Is it ok to keep some things hidden in our closet of "classified information?" What should be kept sacred and what should be spilled like the grape kool-aid on someone's kitchen table?

Ok. I have a man. Yay me!! (clappin' hands). I'm not talkin' 'bout a -call me-at 2:45 in- da mornin'-beat- da- stuffin'- up-and-then-leave type of dude. Nah uh. This here thang is SER-I-OUS. Ya know, when you stand in front of a preacher and promise that you'll stay faithful to your sweetie all while givin' them the crooked side? Mhmm. IT'S LIKE THAT. Anywhooters, we have a somewhat..unique arrangement. See, we made some resolute relationship regulations. Here it goes. When he opens my closet, he shouldn't see any of these ghoulish guys takin' up residence:

Get the idea? NO SKELETONS. NOTHING IS SUPPOSED TO BE HIDDEN. In other words, he wants us to tell it ALL. I admit, it SEEMS like a good idea. But...just how PRACTICAL is it? Blame it on my worldly ways, but some secrets should NEVER see the light of day.

I know this makes me seem like I'm some sort of she-monster or something. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's just..well...if I feel like my secret will be like a sucker punch to his emotions, feelings and his manhood then I ain't tellin'! Hey! Sometimes men need our protection too and don't even know it!

Interestingly enough, I've found that we as women often have diarrhea-of-the mouth-syndrome. Just givin'out WAY too much intel, ya feel me? Tellin' our guys who tried to touch our butts at Club Creep-N-Sleep last weekend. Lettin' him know how many guys have tried to holla whenever we wear our black freak'em dress with the killa heels. Enough already! Yet our male counterparts often pick and choose VERY CAREFULLY what kind of secrets they will tell.
I've decided to follow suit.

Now don't get me wrong. Some secrets SHOULD be and NEED to be revealed. I think everyone has to decide that for themselves.

Where's Will?

2011-05-30T09:03:00.003-05:00

I know he didn't get abducted by aliens. Well if he did, how come I didn't get the memo?. Yet, he seems to be missin' from that great big silver screen. My inquisitive inquiry for today is WHY?

Is it because he's too busy focusin' on gettin' Willow to keep on "whippin' her hair?

Wait, wait. Could it be because he's preppin' Jay Jay for his next movie or musical role?

I gotta say this. My cinematic experience has become somewhat mediocre and mundane since Will has started concentratin' more on his children's careers. Sigh.

I know this might sound just a teeny tiny bit mean but...why can't Jada just take the reigns concerin' the kiddos? It's not exactly like her career is on the cuttin' edge right now (shruggin' shoulders).

Woooooooowww. Jada, please leave the screamin' and singin' to Willow. Anyhooters, Willie Will. I need ya!! Come back!! I'm tired of lookin' at Idris with his lukewarm actin' skills. Give him a run for his money!!

Bey Bey, Are Ya Ok?

2011-05-26T12:19:00.002-05:00

Umm, yeah. See, I was...Wow. Ummm...yeah. Question. Is there anyone else wonderin' why Bey is suddenly lookin' like Casper The Friendly Ghost?

I mean, she's lookin' like she's rollin' with Edward and his crew from Twilight.

What in the name of fajitas and fish cakes is really goin' on here? Does she feel like she needs a skin bleaching scheme to try and stay on top? Was she not light-bright, and close-to white enough before? I don't know. Does somebody need to get in contact with Papa Knowles? I mean, even her hair has her lookin' like Fun -In The Sun Barbie.
Bey Bey baby, this is NOT a good look. Quit while ya ahead 'fo ya start lookin' like:

I'm just sayin'.

Pre-teen Pandemonium!!!

2011-05-25T09:14:00.003-05:00

Raising teenagers is about as much fun as clippin' the toenails off a rhino. I'm sorry. Allow me to digress. If you have perfect progenies like this:

then go out and have yourself a big ole' jelly jar full of sweet tea and CELEBRATE!!! Chile' that's AWESOME news!!

However, this is more of what my reality cast and crew looks like:

Case in point. My puberty-stricken 12 y.o.son. He is givin' me AND the students and staff at his school a MASSIVE migraine. You know your munchkin is a menance when the principal has you on speed dial. Hmmph. Ya betta ask somebody.
I've tried givin' him an" attitude adjustment":

We've had "time -out talk sessions such as this:

He's even been chattin' it up with a counselor:

But....NOTHING'S WORKING!!!!!! AARGH!!!!

I don't want this....

to be my son's fate. This momma is cryin' out:

Being Financially Challenged...

2011-05-24T11:54:00.003-05:00

REALLY SUCKS!!!!

My bank account is in therapy cuz it's sufferin' from depression!!

Things just can't stay this way, so...

I'm makin' some new moves..

Lookin' for new employment endeavors...

Relocating my fam to the home of palm trees and sunny skies...

Did I forget to mention that..

Even though my piggy bank might be in intensive care right now, I realize that this is just a temporary hiccup. I still intend to take life by the chin, look in its face and say:

When Is Enough Enough?

2011-05-19T21:00:00.012-05:00

March 30, 2011. This day has been appropriately named "Wild And Wacked Out Wednesday." There were no end of the world predictions for that day. There were no midnight colored cats that were hangin' around our front door. Friday the 13th had come and gone. Little did we know that our lives were about to take on a cataclysmic change on such a seemingly..normal day.Started off ok. The kiddos went skippin' off to school. I stayed here at home carrying on my domestic duties. The day was goin' just fine and dandy.

4:30 P.M. Me and my lovable lil' angels had just finished stuffin' our stomachs with a delectable din din. A few minutes later, my darlin' daughter said that she needed to bend my ear for a few minutes. Oh Lawd. What now? For those of you that don't know, my tumultous teen queen puts the "d" in drama, ok? To say that I wasn't really lookin' forward to this parental powwow would be an understatement. Sigh. I took a few deep breaths and prepared myself for the unknown. She started tellin' me her ideas about leavin' the nest. Ya know, movin' out.

Now, don't get a sista wrong. I'm all for the youngins comin' into ther own AT THE RIGHT TIME. How-be-ever, my teen queen is still in high school. Bad timing. As the convo continued forward, it began to take a somewhat..different turn. She began to reveal to me that she wanted to be cozily cohabited with one of her gal pals and some "mystery" friend. Hmm. Kids think they so daggone slick, don't they? As I dug a lil' deeper, I uncovered the fact that this other "person" was a dude. We're not just talkin' some pimple-poppin', awkward-actin-gangly and goofy type teenage boy. Haha. Life just wouldn't be so simple. Let's just say that this guy is old enough where he could take me to our hole-in the wall-bar and buy me as many mango maragritas as I can drink!!

Whoa, whoa. Slow down Mustang Sally. She knew that she wasn't even allowed to be talkin' on the telly with this man (cuz he's too OLD). Now, she's flappin' her lips to say that they're gonna be SCHMOOZIN' AND SHACKIN' TOGETHER??!! WHAT??!! Once I was able to start breathing normally again, I calmly told her that that wasn't gonna happen. It had been made very clear to her before that if she wanted to continue to be taken care of AS A CHILD, then she was gonna have to put that relationship on the back burner.

Next thing I know, she's on the phone tellin' someone that she's about to bounce. Did I hear her right? Chile please. Chaos and confusion follow soon after. The handsets start ringin' off the hook. My mom calls askin' me questions that I really can't answer. My young woman is upstairs flingin' open dresser drawers and savagely stuffin' all her belongings in whatever bags she can find. It's slowly startin' to sink in. THIS GIRL IS LEAVIN' HOME TO LIVE WITH SOME RANDOM GUY THAT SHE MET WHILE INTERACTIN' ON THE INTERNET. Incredible.

Let me ask ya somethin'? Did you honestly believe that this daytime dilemma ended right here? My 18 y.o. not-goin' to high -school-anymore- daughter is now gonna be a ....

Man, these kids waste no time. She has about as much business with a baby as my 12 y.o. son. You see, even though she may be CHRONOLOGICALLY 18, her mind functions like that of a 12 or 13 y.o. child. The thing that REALLY had me about to pluck my eyelashes out one by one is the fact that she is bipolar. As a result of her pregnancy, her doctor has had to take her off one of her meds. We don't know what kind of effect that will have on her moods and such. How about the baby? What if her or she gets this dastardly disorder? I'm tellin' ya, it's enough to make me wanna holla.

I.CAN'T.STOP.

2011-02-23T09:33:00.003-06:00

Help!!! I've got some SERIOUS issues!! I have a boyfriend. Ok. I'm not exactly bein' real. More like a fiance. Ya know. A soon to be hubby. 'Bout to share the same last name. I'm so excited that he is about to become a permanent fixture! I mean, I can actually say that I want to be with this carmelly, ooey-gooey, hunk of a man for the rest of my lil' life. If this is indeed the case, then why am I given' some dudes the impression that I am "open for business?"

Yahtzee!! What is the matter with me?? As if I don't already know. It's sick. It's twisted. I realize this. Yet...I can't seem to stop myself. Honestly, I'm not sure I really want to. Hey!! Don't point fingers!! Just hear me out, ok? Ya see, when I was a teeny bopper many moons ago, I was..shall we say...a bit on the heavy side. Forget that. I was FAT. My thighs rubbed together so hard, that it would spark a fire hot enough to roast marshmallows. Because of the flab factor, I didn't really catch the eye of too many guys.

Now, don't get me wrong. I was able to snag a few. However, I always felt like my bf's felt somethin' like this:

I often would watch my sistagurls get the catches of the day while I was stuck with the throwbacks. The sour stench of envy with the unmistakable odor of jealousy would often permeate my senses as I would watch them get one guy after another almost effortlessly. I wanted to be able to make a man dribble and drool and not just because of the food I may have cooked him!! It just..didnt..happen though.

Allow me to hit the fast forward button to present day. Since those dreaded days I have dropped about 65 pounds of unwanted flesh!! Yesss!! Finally!! Whew!! (wipin' my forehead). My theory proved to be correct. Since the dramatic descent of the numbers on the scale, the male species has definitely taken notice. In a good way. As a result of all this deliciously, delectable attention, I'm afraid that it's changed me somehow. I feel...ENPOWERED. SENSUAL. SEXY.BADDDDDD.

When a gentleman that I find to be..appealingly appetizin'..asks if I have a man, I always seem to just gloss right over that question. My brain is screamin,"Gurrrrl, u betta tell this brotha that you are betrothed to yet another!!" In most cases, the words just never seem to escape my lips. I'm sure my honey's heart would skip a couple a' beats if he knew the truth, but...I.CAN'T.STOP.

I'm surprised my cell hasn't caught fire from all the torrid textin' and steamy and stimulatin' calls from ones OTHER than my bouncin' baby boo. My bodacious behavior is both enticin' yet somewhat scary. It's like..it feeds my undernorished ego. Perhaps I'm just tryin' to make up for time that I feel like I've lost. This is my trusty therapist's therory (shoulder shrug). Hey. She very well could be on to somethin'. My mom has even offered to throw in her two cents by sayin' that maybe I should tell my beloved bye bye so I won't hurt him. Yeah, maybe. But...why can't I have my cake and eat it too??!

Why Are The Good Girls Gone?

2011-02-08T09:36:00.002-06:00

I never thought that I would hear myself utter these words, but....I MISS GIRLFRIENDS. I have to thank my daughter for turnin' me on to this sometimes sexy,-other times silly-sitcom. At first glance it just looked like alot of overzealous and overly ripened acting. Consequently, I decided to give it a chance. I gotta tell ya. My tv viewing experience has never been the same.

Miss you ladies..and you too William.

One for the road:

Big Boys Beware!!

2011-02-04T13:41:00.003-06:00

Today my conscience is havin' an intervention with my REAL wants and desires. For so long, I have tried to put on a good face and pretend that a man's..ummm...exterior doesn't really faze me. I would tell my sistagurls: "Oh, it doesn't really matter if the size of his thighs could feed the continent of Africa for a month," I would claim. "As long as a gentleman is nice and has some other redeemin' qualities, it's alright."Wellllll...I LIED. This may make me sound like a diva that I'm not tryin' to be, but...
I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO THE LIKES OF THIS:

Stop givin' me that crooked sideeye!! I'm not sayin' that a "supersize" meal can't be tasty. I just guess it depends on exactly how hungry you are. My appetite just isn't quite that large. Some people (especially dudes) have accused me of bein' short sighted and stuck up. Why? It's simply a personal preference. It's not meant to offend.

I can remember when I tipped the scales at over 200 lbs. Even though I was labeled as a "nice person," I would often be depressed and dateless. Most men that I came in contact with just werent lookin' for a woman that had more "cushion for the pushin." It wasn't happenin.' The male species often is very straight up about what they like and DON'T like. What's wrong with me doin' the same thing? Even though a man may have more to love and is able to perform awe-inspirin' acrobats such as this:

I think I'll have to set my sights elsewhere. Don't get it twisted though. He doesn't have to be packin' like this:

I just have zero interest in hookin' up with a guy who looks like he has a swimmin' pool inside his belly.

Get Your Game On!!

2011-02-01T09:55:00.004-06:00

I can remember when this show first hit the airwaves on Buffoon Entertainment TV(i.e. BET). I thought that the storyline was corny and had more holes than a corpse after a drive by. Yet my teen queen made it her bizness to bounce her buns in front of the boob tube every week to catch this dreadfully drab drama.

When I used to hear bits and small pieces of this show, I used to wonder why it seems like most predominantly African American shows lack any real substance and the tv sets look as fake a gold chain from the hairstore. The cast is a bunch of B and Z list actors tryin' to shine and keep their jobs by seriously overactin' their different roles.
Wendy is the worst with it.

From The Steve Harvey Show to Two Can Play That Game, her actin' is just WAY too hood. Regardless, my daughter was a die hard fan and insisted that I watch it. I mean, she would continously watch the reruns so much that I would secretly delete them from our DVR lineup. (Hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your sanity). When BET started advertisin' the new episodes, I thought that I would have to shoot her with a tranquilizer gun to calm her butt down!! Everytime they showed the commerical:

She would get to hollerin' like she was catchin' the Holy Ghost. 'Bout scared me to death. Somehow, her excitement became contagious like the stomach flu. Wouldn't you know that I caught it? I decided to give it another try. Honey, when the premiere night rolled around we were actin' like plum fools up in here!! We went and got all these munchies from the store like we were preparin' for a hurricane. I was postin' it on FB. Wowzers. I was out there. Finally the moment we had been waitin' for was up on us. In all honesty, the episode wasn't that bad. It was a nice twist to see Meagan Good even if she was feedin' Malik's hungry behind ego (plus ole' girl could really use the work):

Unfortunately, the actin' is still as overdone as my aunt's meatloaf. Malik and Jason are more obnoxious then they ever were. Kelly is killin' me with her new so called Bad Girls Club image. Oh well. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Trailer Trash Tv

2011-01-31T10:36:00.003-06:00

Just when you thought reality tv couldnt get any more rauchier, here come these slutburgers on a bun:

Bad Girls Club. The Two-Faced-Trick Troop. How 'bout Potty-Mouth Posse? A bunch of trashy chicks tryin' to cohabitate under one roof. Each one tryin' they HARDEST to be the most obscene and obnoxious. I hate to admit this, but I actually find myself tunin' in to watch this sick combination of Girls Gone Wild with a side order of soft porn.
Now I dig Sydney cuz her fire engine colored coiffure is the bizness:

On the real though, I think her 'do was meant to match her personality: Mz. Hot-In-the Pants!! Now I'm not some old maid or a prude. There is nothin' wrong with a woman bein' sensual and sexual AS LONG AS ITS IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT AND ITS DONE CORRECTLY. I mean, you could probably call 1800-CALL-A-HOE and she would have the most clients!!! I ain't lyin!!
Here. Have a peep:

Whoever is bold or brave enough to get with this gurl needs to check her mouth for open sores on her lips and cheeks(shudderin').

Basketball Booty Buddies

2011-01-30T13:50:00.003-06:00

Is anyone else out here in the blogosphere wonderin' the same thang I am? Now, I might step on a few acrylic toenails, but here goes my mouth. Sigh. WHY IN THE NAME OF WEAVES AND LIMA BEANS IS THIS SHOW CALLED BASKETBALL WIVES?? Basketball wifeys...maybe. Only 2 single, solitary chicks can actually sang that he didnt just put a ring on it, but made it official.

Ms. Shaq-a-crack in all her delicious divorceness(ok, I got that word from my ebonics dictionary)

(I think she looks cuter with longer locks) and

Jenny "Whiny-Boo" Williams:

The rest of the crew are basketball baby mamas or almost-made-it-didn't QUITE-get- to the altar-mamis:

Evilene (oops I'm sorry) I meant Evelyn:

Ms Royce "rolls-her-hips-like-a-snake" Reed:

(I'm sorry boo, but Grandma Pearl say she want her church shoes back) and Suzy "Too Tall" Ketchum:

So spill it. Who's your fav basketball wifey?

Slow Down "Special K"!!

2011-01-24T14:24:00.004-06:00

Wonder what her foot tastes like? It must be pretty tasty cuz she's usually got it stuck in her cavern that she calls a mouth!! Dang Kim!! You just hooked up with this dude Kris back around Turkey Day of last year. Now you twitterin' 'bout how you want yall's love child to look? Ain't this what sent Reggie runnin' and screamin' towards the football stands tryin' to get away from you? At least let the man name ya and claim ya first!! Clearly a blind man can see that this chica is dyin' of thirst. The only thang that will quench it is ia a NFL or NBA baller beverage, ok?
Nothin' like a nice chocolate cocktail with a tantalizin' twist of muscles, eh?

Or a mocha latte with a extra smidge of milk?

Kim sweetie. Let me give ya some sista gurl advice. Before you start picturin' how your baby gone have Gucci booties and how you and Kris gone be chucky cheesin' it up in the camera with your lil bundle of joy, close ya legs for a sec. You might have him slobberin' and foamin' at the mouth now, but beautiful women are just as common to him as hair stores in the hood. In other words..THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. Stop movin' so daggone fast. Pump your brakes. Pu ya car on cruise and just enjoy the ride for right now. If you want Kris to poof and be gone, just keep doin' lame brain jive mess like this.

FOR THRILL SEEKERS ONLY!!

2011-01-18T10:23:00.004-06:00

I'm a single mama with 4 kiddies, two of them bein' I-don't want-to-do-nothin-you-say-teenagers. Now, with this all star lineup one would think that I get enough every day conflict and combat to be an honorary member of Charlie's Angels. Yet sometimes, I don't want to be a PART of the action. I would much rather SEE IT. This is why when I saw this golden gem peekin' at me from the shelves of Wally World:

I knew I had to have it.Trust me, this motion picture masterpiece did NOT disappoint!! The Italian Stallion(Stallone) is the head honcho of a group of professional rough and tumble soldiers. They're gettin' paid by a somewhat mysterious stranger (Willis) to help bring down a devilish dictator in Latin America. Sylvester might be in his 60's now, but he's just as agile and active as the rest of his costars!!

I have to admit that I was surprised. I thought that with all the heavy hitters in this film there would be some serious ego issues among themselves. Yet, each of their roles blended together perfectly just like a mango blueberry smoothie. However, it's not some story about a bunch of mindless, muscled up dudes who are randomly shootin' grenades at everything that moves. This is a well thought out story line with a few twists and turns along the way. If you have a weak tummy, I wouldn't really recommend viewin' this one. It's downright graphic and grotesque at certain points.
Still not sure if this one is for you?
Take a look:

Betcha' Neva Had Cable Service Like THIS Before!!

2011-01-16T16:07:00.004-06:00

Digital cable is the best thang to hit our home since the introduction of reality tv!! What in the name of mac n cheese and pork and beans would we do without it? Since I'm a single mamacita, takin' care of four lil churritos keeps my toes tappin' on a constant basis. I don't always have time to plant my posterior in a comfy chair to catch my latest shows. Who cares? I pay a lil' extra dinero to have the DVR (Digital Video Recorder). I can record my programs and check 'em out when I get some breathin' room. I'm really feelin' this modern technology y'all!!

My matriarchal mate has gotten bit by the bug too. Unfortunately, some of her channels decided to take a vacation so she couldn't tune in!! Bad news Bucky!! No prob. I just jumped on the telly and contacted Time Warner. Of course they were eager as buck tooth beavers to fix the issue cuz we have a high end cable package!! An appointment was set for two days later. The sooner the better cuz mi madre couldn't see her nightly news which was slowly turnin' her into a grumpy granny!! Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long before this cable cat rang our doorbell.

I answer the door and am greeted by a creamy colored carmel brotha with a smile as wide as the Pacific. He makes a beeline directly for my mom's room where the trouble is. Now for a brief intro. My mother is one of those ladies who can strike up a convo with a serial killer and make him feel like he's one of her long , lost cousins. Cable man Carl(not his real name) was no exception. She started off askin' him how he liked the job. Gleefully, he revealed that since he was a contractor, it gave him more flexibility. I decided to shake a lil' spice on this convo by askin' if any of his female customers ever tried to get him to..let's just say...personally change their channels. The temperature of this tantalizing talkfest quickly went up a couple of degrees.

He told us of his cable man capers involvin' women, nude pics, and cell phones. Despite all this attention from the lovely ladies, Carl claims he remains as faithful as the family dog. Impressive. Did I believe him? The jury is still out on that one. As he was workin' on his 2nd glass of white grape juice, my momma went in for the kill. She invited him to her place of worship. He politely declined. Aww man. Now he started tryin' to impress us by actin' like Paul the Preacher by quoting all these Scriptures he had learned.

During the course of the conversation, he found out that my mom is an evangelist. I'm assuming that because he was married, he felt completely comfortable asking her this next question. What he inquired of her was something that made me cover my mouth and want to run from the room like my hair was on fire. I mean, this guy didn't know the definition of shame. He asked what kinds of sexy positions could a man and woman get down with without our Heavenly Father rainin' down fire and brimstone.

Dude..seriously? I mean, this guy showed us that he was a straight with no chaser type of man, but I'm sayin'. Could he not have talked to his pastor PRIVATELY about his lil' daunting dilemma? Sheesh. Once I was able to pick up my face off the floor and put all my teeth back in, Carl had finally finished fixin' the cable. As he was turnin' to walk out the bedroom door, he turned around and decided to drop some more wickedly witty wisdom on me. He told me that I needed to stop breakin' men's hearts and their bank accounts by waitin' for that special ONE. I ask you. How could ANYONE refuse such sound advice from their neighborhood cable guy?

She Won't Let Me Out!!

2010-10-12T12:13:00.003-05:00

I am a sexy, vibrant 38.y.o. tigress caught in a 9 y.o. girl's psyche. I go from a thundering "I am woman, hear me roar," to a whining & whimpering "Mom, what should I do?" Pathetic? You bet it is! Nauseating? Just like taking 11 jello shots & then chasin' it with 2 chilli dogs & a lukewarm can of Natural Light (outwardly shuddering). Why do I allow her to have so much control over my decisions & dilemmas? Now I know how Akon felt when he kept croonin':
"They won't let me out..they won't let me out..I'm locked up!"

It was one of those lazy, laid back, kids-are-in-school kind of days. My mom & I were casually chillin' & conversatin' about my current choice of..shall we say..chocolate. She thought that my sweetmeat of the week was a military master named Jeff. Welllllllllllll...no. At this point, the best course of action would've been to zip it (my mouth), lock it, & put it into my pocket, but not me. I sometimes talk so much, it's as if my mouth is runnin' on a treadmill.

I cheerfully informed her that there was someone else that was occupying the corners of my mind. Once she guessed who it was, things took a seismatic shift in the crust of our interconnection. She ranted & raged about how I was making a dastardly decision. My mamacita pressed and pleaded about how my new boo boo & I would probably end up having our own Shakesperian tragedy rivaling that of Bobby & Whitney.

Honestly Mom. Does just about every convo between us have to turn into our own personal daytime drama? Sigh. With each word that is being exchanged, it is becoming clearer & clearer that she doesn't know as much about me as she thinks she does. This is the type of stallion my matriarch would like to see me lasso in:

Mmm. As tempting and tasty as this tender morsel might seem, I think I'll pass. This might normally be the type that would grab my attention:

My current companion is actually a tall glass of gentleman with a side twist of thugliciousness. My momma just can't seem to wrap her mind around this mind-boggling concept. How could her precious progeny possibly be linked up with this imposing image of muscle mass & endless rivers of indigo ink sprayed & tatted all over his canvas? Yes, yes I know. My madre only wants me to have top shelf like the Hill Harpers & the Cornel West's of the world. BREAKING NEWS FLASH: IT MORE THAN LIKELY WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

More than anything I wish that she understood that my choices involving men are not a personal body slam to her intellect or integrity. It's simply about a matter of..choice and preference. I often pray that my decision does not put a wedge in between the door of our special alliance. Yet I realize that I am no longer a child who needs to actively seek her mommy's applause & approval. If I could adaquately explain this to her in song & verse here's what I would say:
I'm sorry Momma
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But tonite I'm cleanin' out my closet
Eminem "Cleanin' Out My Closet" lyrics

Is THIS What It Has Come Down To??!!

2010-05-18T19:13:00.007-05:00

Sigh. Mundane Monday's. It was just a blah, ho-hum kinda day. I decided that the perfect remedy for this snore-tatsic day was a lil' deep fried entertainment via internet style. I fired up the laptop and the star search was on!! While surfin' the gnarley waves on the world wide web, I caught a pounder that knocked my boogie board from underneath me and caused me to wipe out!! Take a gander at this precious gem to the far left:

Thinkin' she might be a motorcycle mami for Harley Davidson or perhaps the newest starlet to head up the reality series LA Ink? Hmm. Not quite. For those who don't make it a point of keepin' up with Hollywood's hottest, let me give you an instantaneous intro. This is the chick( Michelle McGee) that was...shall we say.."choppin' it up" with Mizz Sandy Bullock's horny hubby, a Mr. Jesse James.

Mmhmm. Unfortunately, sticky situations like this one have become quite common and customary in La-La land. Yet, it's what this cheatin' chica said about relationships that really made me sit up and take notice:

"All men cheat.Women need to accept that."

At first I'm thinkin' that Mizz Motor-Mouth McGee deserved a buttery-black-hand-side BITCH SLAP for makin' such a mindless and moronic statement. Yet, I decided to digress for a sec. Could Michelle's mantra indeed be THE transcendental truth that we as ladies need to accept regardin' relationships with the men in our lives? Have we as women failed to understand our men's needs by allowin' them to tap into the primal part of their personalities?

Since I consider myself to be somewhat of a thinker, I decided to investigate this matter a tad further. I mean statistically speakin', what are the numbers sayin' about our testerone -fueled tigers? In most studies the statistics were somewhat skewed. Yet the general average said that about 50-60% of married men step out on their better half while women come in at about roughly 45-55%. Shoot, I guess ladies are pimps too!!

Question. Why cheat? If you're wifey or boo is no longer igniting that fire the way they used to or you want to be like Luda said and have ho*s in different area codes, why not just live the swingin' single life? You could do as many women or men as your bedsprings will hold and not really have to explain yourself to anyone. Why say that you will be committed to that one clueless chico or chica? Then, as soon as their back is turned, the chase is back on!!

I don't know how anybody else feels about it, but I REFUSE to accept that statement as my way of thinkin' about men and their cheatin' hearts. It is my personal belief that despite these staggerin' statistics, that there ARE indeed some men who are able to keep it real AND at home. Unfortunately, the men who allow their snakes to be charmed by someone other than their woman, are the bad apples who can spoil the whole bunch.

To all my double-crossin' don's and diva's I have a special dedication for you today. Check it out:

Men beware!! We women can usually tell when things ain't quite right:

Then Came You...

2010-05-15T21:43:00.008-05:00

DEDICATED TO..WELL...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...

I was tired...
Burned out...
Busted and disgusted...
Weary and worn out
From this brotha' hollerin' 'bout
How I was a REAL woman..
Mhmm...yeah, ok...
How I was so, so thick with it..
Talkin' bout how he wanted to take me out...
How he wanted to rain on me so that I would no longer feel the drought of bein' lonely and listless...
Kingless and manless...
Jealous and heartless...
So..so..
Promises were made and exchanged and then
Dates were arranged and then at the last minute changed..

But just when the moon was 'bout ready to change places with the sun
Here he comes callin' me...
Sayin' that he wants to see me..
How deeply sorry that he left me hangin'
Just so that he could go bangin' the bedsprings of some other unsuspectin' broad...

I breathe...

I exhale...

No, his black tail didn't

Just try to disrespect my intellect

By rejectin' and neglectin' the fact that I am supposed to be

His Cleopatra...

His Rachel Ray seasonin' and tenderizin' that meat...

His Janet-Jack-Me while sweatin' and soilin' them pretty white Egyptian cotton sheets...

But he didn't appreciate me bein' his bedmate, his cellmate, his soul mate, his helpmate...
Man, I couldn't wait for the winds to change and backdate to the love we once had
But it's too bad...that day never came...
I was done with the games and tryin' to take the blame for actions and circumstances That HE created..
Felt like love was WAY overrated and I hated myself for gettin' caught up and out in another afternoon episode of "The Young and the Loveless"...

Yet I digress cuz when I met you with all the finesse that you possess
It made me double back..do a triple take...
I mean, what other man could keep me up until daybreak tellin' me that my heartaches and pain would be a thing of the past...
Can I finally start singin' like Etta "At last my love has come along..."
"...I belong to you" like Rome sings is the anthem that I want you to bring everytime
We're baskin' in each other's beauty and energy...
Please don't walk away for if you do
My feet may follow but my heart will become untrue...

**SIDEBAR: I MADE REFERENCES TO TWO VERY TALENTED ARTISTS:
MS ETTA JAMES & ROME. LET YOUR EARS TAKE YOU ON A MUSICAL JOURNEY. ENJOY.

Good Things Come In The Most Unexpected Packages!!

2010-05-12T13:21:00.011-05:00

To go or NOT to go. This was the question dancin' along the corners of my mind on this particular Thursday mornin'. Should I make this darin' drive down to the Sunshine State with two surly teenagers and two overly rambunctious kiddos? My common sense and voice of reason were screamin' and hollerin' for me to rethink this option. But what could I do? My biological best friend (my momma) needed me like an alcoholic needs their sponsor. Why is that you may ask? Let me explain. See, one of her cuzzo's who just also happened to be her best friend received her wings and went to live with our Heavenly Father in Glory. I knew she was takin' it pretty hard.

My madre was in the process of flyin' the friendly skies on down there to Florida where the homegoin' services were bein' held. Meanwhile, I back in here in the land of the Texas two step and barbeques, was stuck in a dilemma. Man, that was gonna be a 24 hour drive. Plus, my finances were so tight that you would think I had a girdle fastened around my dinero!! I sucked in a watery, shaky breath and contacted my bank to check my ever shrinkin' bank account.

Well, wonders never cease!! I ended up havin' more cushion for the pushin' than I expected so this trip was on and poppin' baby!! Yes, this get-a-away was gonna drain my account so dry that it looked like the Sahara Desert but so what? Indeed, we would have to feast on PB&J sandwiches for the rest of the month but I didn't care. My best friend needed me. Some eight hours later, my rat pack and I loaded up the truck and hit the dusty trail!!

Needless to say that once we reached our destination, the sacrifice was all well worth it. Keep in mind that she had NO idea that we were comin'. My mom was so, so shocked and surprised. She cried, laughed, guffawed out loud and lifted holy hands ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!!! Hey! It takes a real display of talent to express so many different emotions at one time!! A couple of days later while I was casually loungin' at my grandfather's, I received a phone call. To my surprise, it was one of my favorite childhood bullies. He had heard from my cuz that I was down there for the funeral and he just wanted to say hey. At that very moment a very strange and surreal feelin'came over me. I asked him to drop by and visit. WHAT??!!

He came about 20 minutes later. I stepped outside expectin' to see the same skinny, kinda scrawny dude who was always goin' out of his way to be a donkey's behind every time he saw me. Honey, what I actually SAW was an endless river of carmel creamed skin that was beautifully inked with an array of the sexiest tats that I think that I had ever feasted my eyes on. I thought that I would never stop lookin' up at this dude. I mean, he's like the Empire State building tall! Just....breathtakin'. I gotta be real. I was only expectin' to talk to him maybe about 15-20 minutes. It wasn't like we were best of friends growin' up or anything.

As he and I began to chat it up, your girl learned some very..shall we say..interestin' information.

He told me that the reason that he was always so mean to me was because he was secretly crushin'! Are you serious??!! I never would have guessed that one!! Anywhooters, we continued to catch each other up on what was goin' on in each others' lives. I mean, let's face it. The last time that we interacted was about 15 years prior. Here's the part that really had me shook. I was really startin' to feel this gentleman. He was very easy on the eyes. I won't deny that. Yet, it was his stimulation of my cerebral cavity that really had me goin'. Was it really possible? I mean, the guy who I had once wished would step out in front of a movin' train was turnin' on my light switch in ways that I didn't think was possible.

We were both so drawn that we ended up spendin' the ENTIRE night together. Literally. I mean the sun was makin' it's way over the horizon by the time we pulled oursleves away from each other. Now, don't be shakin' your head and waggin' your finger!! I didn't let him tap it or wax it. We just spent the entire night talkin'. Ok. Maybe a few stolen kisses here and there but he did NOT get my panties as a souvenir or trophy. Lol.

It's been a lil' over a month. Things are goin' fantastically well considerin' that we're close to 2,000 miles apart. We talk and text every day as if we live in the same city. Logically, it all makes very little sense. We hadn't stayed in touch after all these years. We just met up with each other again one night and have bonded as tight as the glue on a weave. Incredible. He and I will be meeting up again come this summer and we're both thrilled beyond belief. The interconnection that we share defies my human understandin'. Don't worry. I haven't completely lost my head. We're takin' things as they come. But this time, I intend to grab life by the horns and just ride it out and..enjoy.

WHO WOULD'VE THUNK IT??!!

2010-01-22T16:50:00.007-06:00

It's Saturday. My friend and I had spent that evening gettin' pampered. That's right. My nails were lookin' all shiny and glittery and smooth(these solar nails are the TRUTH y'all). I had just finished stuffin' my face with a double cow with cheese on a sesame seed bun with all the fixins. Plus, to top the night off, my compadre had suggested that we go have a few drinks and maybe shake a lil' jelly while you playin'. Now normally, I might have protested somewhat cuz me and my snookie would have been spendin' some quality time. But he was actin' like Senor Snothead, so I was all about hittin' the club and havin' a lil fun.

I hit the highway on a mission to hurry up and get home so I could see about my lil' mini me's and start gettin' ready for my girls night out. My 15 y.o. son decides to ring-ring my cellie to politely remind me that I owed him a trip to The Wonderful World of Wally. Yep, that's right. You guessed it. Walmart (sigh). No prob. I was gonna take care of my motherly responsibilities and then bid my cherished cherubs a very good night!!! I could already taste that Tanqueray and OJ baby!!

Once we hit those automatic doors at Wally's, we all split and went our separate ways. Nothing new. This was our basic routine. Me and my 2 daughter's hit the men's department while my 15 y.o. son went to go check out the latest anime trading cards. I was feelin' rather tickled and tingly cuz I had just found THE nicest men's fedora this side of the Lone Star State to top off my sexy and slick outfit for the night. Yet, my oldest son had suddenly gone MIA and we couldn't find him even with the most sophisticated GPS system. Where in the name of flies and french fries was he at??!!

Since impatience is my middle name, I decided that I was tired of waiting for my son to be like David Copperfield and just magically show up. I told my daughter that she and my son could meet me up front so that I could give Wally World my hard earned cash. Well, once the chummy and cordial cashier rang up our purchases, it was time to two step it on out of there. Finally!! We were on the way out the door when the store's sensor goes off. The gregarious greeter gently touched my son on the elbow and asked him to come back in. He walked towards me and said that the greeter said that she needed to see the receipt. WHAT??!! I was just about to hit up Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson on my cellie to scream racism when three very surly security guards asked me to follow them.

Ok. My skin is now prickly and runnin' a fever of about 104 degrees. My daughter is in the backround singin' Marvin Gaye's tune of What's Goin On. They take me and my male offspring into this tiny 4x6 area which obviously is their private batcave. All of a sudden I'm feelin' caged in like:

I was sweatin' like a pig in a slaughterhouse, but I noticed that my son was as icy and cool as an Eskimo in the Ice Capades. Hmm. The head honcho was askin' my seed if he knew why he was back there but my son was still pretendin' and playin' games. My heartbeat rate was somewhere between stress induced coma and sudden death because the realization of what my son did just came crashin' down on me like an avalanche on Mt Everest. The rent-a-cop continued on with his interrogation with my son. He still maintained his innocence. This dude had another trick up his sleeve. He pulled out a Walmart bag full of empty, toilet-dipped foil wrappers. The light began to slowly leave my son's eyes as he began to realize that he had been...BUSTED!!

Like a flash, my thievin' teen of son pulls out a stack of trading cards out of his jacket pocket almost as long as the Nile River. Just stick a fork in me and call me DONE, ok? The store manager who bore a very scary and striking resemblance to the Grim Reaper, informed me that they decided not to press charges. However, they were goin' to call our local police department and have them issue a criminal trespassing citation. What did that mean for Cassius the Cat Burgular? It meant that he would be forever banned from comin' in the store or bein' on the property PERIOD. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not quite done. He is no longer able to darken the doorway of ANY Walmart property (includin' Sam's Club) in any of our fair 50 states. They said if they see him again on the property he would be arrested on site.

This is the 2nd time that my son has been issued a criminal tresspassing citation. What really gives me pause is the fact that it visibly didnt seem to phase him AT ALL. He was extremely arrogant with me as well as with the store personnel. His conscience appears to be seared. I pray that he isn't a sociopath in trainin'. Chile', I'm here to tell you that tryin' to raise a man is no easy task!!!

What Kind of Flim Flam Mess was This??!!

2009-11-16T10:04:00.002-06:00

Ah, love. Sweet, sweet naive amore. The next time I let my man pick a movie I need to be flogged with some cowhide and a couple of rusty nails. We had been planning to go to the movies all week. Well, when the weekend finally reared its head, I had a serious cinematic cravin' for a movin' picture masterpiece along with some serious popcorn chompin' and soda slurpin'. Keep in mind that Mon-Thurs. we had been discussing all the various possibilities of what we would be feastin' our eyes on in that dark theatre.

Based on the fact that I knew that he was a horror/thriller fan, I had a sneakin' suspicion that he was gonna wanna tangle with either Saw VI or Paranormal Activity. I think I could have handled a psychotic- mind twisted fiend(Saw VI) a lot easier than some type of supernatural entity that basically felt like he was payin' the rent and all the utilities so that he could have free reign to terrorize and torture (Paranormal Activity).

IN DIRE NEED OF A STRAIT JACKET AND ANTI PSYCHOTIC MEDS***

TIME FOR A PRIEST AND SOME HOLY WATER****

Of course he was in the mood for some dastardly demon dwellin' so we ended up makin' our pilgrimage to see Paranormal Activity. Now I have to say that I really wasn't up to seein' this freaky flick. It really didn't matter how many rave reviews it received. You see, I am an individual who believes that Satan and his minions are indeed very real. The idea of an evil presence lurkin' and loomin' in someone's humble abode just didn't sit well with me. Yet, I'm a soldier. I felt like if my better half wanted to check it out, then I would just swallow very hard for about the first 15 minutes before the movie started and I would be cool.

All I can say is...my suga' shack ended up bein' more scared than me!!! Life sho' is grand, isn't it?This was poetic justice in its highest form. Even though there were some scenes in the movie that made my heart do a pole vault into my throat, it really wasn't what I would consider to be scary. As a matter of fact, I really thought that it was seriously overrated. Hmmph. What was with all the hype?

Ok..now the fact that this demonic presence's shadow could be seen on their bedroom door(as seen above) was really kind of a creep-a-zoid moment.

Why Did He Need To Show Me That???!!

2009-10-12T14:58:00.006-05:00

It's the weekend. I'm laid back ticklin' the keys on my laptop. My young bunch are gathered 'round the tv laughin' and actually gettin' along right nicely. This picture perfect moment is suddenly interrupted. My cell started chirpin' and was lit up like a Christmas tree. I groaned inwardly as I looked at the id. It was a text from a gentleman that I had met on one of the social networking sites that I am a card carrying member of.

He seemed to be cool so I decided to share a lil' of my time with him. Now, I'm a straight-shootin'- henney with no coke-type of chick. I let him know kindly but FIRMLY that I was not lookin' for a man to sweat out my hair or my sheets with. I'm at a real, icy cold point in my life and I just want to chill, ya know? At first, dude questioned my motives behind my dramatic decision. Later on, he told me he understood and respected what I was sayin'. Wow. What a man, huh?

We continued to chat by cell as we talked about our likes and dislikes. This guy eventually gets around to sayin' that he was lookin' for a relationship. A SERIOUS one. I told him congrats but I wasn't interested in the position. He asked why. Uhh..does that really matter? Why do some men just have to continually push the envelope? Anyhooters, the convo was gettin' a lil' dry with a side helping of dull. I decided to sprinkle a lil' spice on this snore fest.

I asked him to tell me what physical..shall we say... attributes of a woman that he found most attractive. His first response was the eyes. Yeah, ok. Now, he might've been tellin' the truth. Yet, for some odd reason though, I didn't believe it. Maybe he could tell that my lie detector was in full overdrive cuz he switched his answer up real quick. He then revealed that a woman' bodacious tata's are what make him drool and babble like a baby. Chester the Cheetah then asked me my preference. Hmm. A man's chest, arms, and back are what stoke the fires of my internal inferno.

He laughed and seemed surprised by my answer for some reason. His next move still makes me shake my head even now. The next message asked if I was sure that those were my fav parts of a man's anatomy. Ummm..yes. I should know what I like, right? In like 5 minutes I received a pic text. Hmm. I opened it up and I wanted to....

He then had the nerve..the audacity..the CAJONES to say "do you like what you see?"
WAS HE SERIOUS OR WAS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK, SADISTIC JOKE??!! I haven't seen that many rolls since Thanksgiving dinner last year. C'mon now!! What in the name of collard greens and iced tea would make him think even for one iota of a second that I would want to feast my eyes on THAT??!! What an arrogant, self-servin'-son of a ??!@@!# Did I ask him to send me ANY pics (let alone a pic that would make me throw up like I had seafood poisonin')?
Unfortunately, this isn't the first time that I have received unsolicited pics.

Why do some men INSIST on sendin' photos that you didn't ask for? I'm not a modelin' agent. I don't need to see your portfolio. Now, if a man looks somethin' like this:

I probably wouldn't trip too hard. Honestly, I might not trip at all. But when a gentleman is workin' wit' this:

then I'll pass on seein'him in the buff, know what I mean?

Chile', I Need A BREAK!!

2009-10-07T10:40:00.007-05:00

Man, can I just say that....I MISSED YOU GUYS!!! Come give me some luvvie!! (Openin' my arms)

(Wipin' my teary eyes)..Alrite y'all I'm good now. For those who keep up with my bloggie boo, you know that there's usually somethin' dreadfully or deliciously dramatic goin' down regardin' yours truly. Well, lately, it's been no different. My 16 y.o. daughter (who suffers from serious emotional and mental health issues) has now been returned home which has been quite eventful. During the first few weeks, it seemed like everyone was gettin' along just peachy. Painfully, I have learned that everything is not always what it seems.

Allow me to paint you a picture. Last Friday night, my DVR and I were gettin' reacquainted as I caught up on missed episodes of the marvelously masterful Criminal Minds (one of all my all time faves). All of a sudden, my darlin' daughter comes thunderin' downstairs like Hurricane Irene interruptin' my peace and solitude. She tells me that my four y.o. has injuries that she didn't have on her before.

Aww...here we go again. I looked at my lil' mama and sure enough, she had marks on her that weren't there a couple of hours ago. Right then I already knew who the guilty party was. Nah, it wasn't our family dog cuz..we don't have one. It was my teenaged terror of a son who was responsible. I tried to prepare myself for the showdown cuz I knew it would be one.

While I was going up the steps towards the object of the confrontation, it felt like I was walkin' the Green Mile. I really didn't want or NEED any more drama. True to his regular form, my oldest son denied inflicting those bruises. I was beyond angry and aggravated because I knew he was lyin'. My oldest daughter is yellin' and screamin' callin' him all kinds of names that you might hear on some after hours adult premium channel. My 4 y.o. is givin' her lungs a serious workout in the next room. My older son is warnin' my daughter to close her trap, but she's her momma's child, so she refuses.

Question. How many of you have had the privilege of seein' a fan fly through the air like some kind of deranged, mechanical superhero? Let me tell you. It is indeed a sight to behold. My daughter decided that the best place for this fan was upside my son's head so she threw it at him.

It hit its' mark and he lunged at her very quickly. I jumped on my son because he starts throwin' bows anywhere he can find an open space on her body. He was gettin' harder and more difficult to control. He was in a blind rage and based on size I'm like a Happy Meal to his Super Size combo. My 10 y.o. downstairs is panickin' cuz he hears all the fumblin' and tumblin' goin' on. If my son didn't turn her loose, I knew that he could inflict serious injury or worse. The Lord must have heard me pleadin' and beggin'cuz finally my son let go of her but not before callin' her a few choice words of his own.

As I'm sure you can imagine, this incident took about 3 more years off my life. Whew (wipin' my forehead). As a former psych major, I had to sit down and try to figure out the method behind this..madness. Both of them hold deep rooted resentment against the other. He feels like whenever she's in the house, she always adds an element of negativity and a slice of deep dish drama. She despises her bro cuz she sees him as nothin' better than a good old fashioned schoolyard bully who picks on minions that are weaker than him. Do you see why I'm tryin' to make a run for the border to the land where the ocean waves openly kiss golden shores and tropical drinks are the norm and served round the clock?

Honey, what is a mother to DO??!!

What Really Makes Her Think That She's So Different??

2009-09-07T17:57:00.004-05:00

It was just another ordinary, run of the mill kind of day. The kids were slavin' their afternoon away at school. My biological best friend (my mom) and I were havin' a long- distance gossip gatherin' all courtsey of AT&T & Verizon. As I was about to ask her one of my many probin'questions, her voice tone suddenly changed from amused to outraged. She asked me if I had heard the latest melodrama involving the evangelistic empress herself Juanita Bynum. Now, this was already an unusual turn of events. I normally pride myself on bein' hip when it comes to knowin' the skinny on a celeb. Yet this bit of news threw me for a loop.

She began to tell me the sordid story of rage and anger that transpired between Juanita and her hubby Bishop Thomas Weeks III. I must admit that I was stunned and disappointed. It was bad enough that he was havin' delusions of grandeur and took on the role of Muhammad Ali. However, the fact that he put his hands to her in a PUBLIC place was just over the top. The judge should have issued Bishop's Weeks'punishment to go a couple of rounds with Mike since he obviosuly had such high aspirations to be a world championship boxer.

Ok. Put your finger on the fast forward button to about a week or so ago. Sweatin'. Shakin'. I'm feenin'for my celeb crack fix. Tremblin', I make a break for the nearest gossip site. No, no. Tired of hearin' 'bout Lil Wayne and his many baby momma's drama. Nah, I need somethin' like....Wait a minute. This has GOT to be some kind of sick, cosmic joke. When I saw these two...

I just HAD to find out what in the blue moon was REALLY goin' on. Turns out that Mr. Wally Wifebeater and this beautiful breath of fresh air (Prophetess Christina Glenn) are gettin' hitched come October. Oh, I didn't tell you? They cordially sent us an evite...Let's take a look, shall we?

Question. Does Christina reside on our fair planet that we call Earth? If so, how could she NOT have heard about what happened between Juanita and her brand new foul, fightin' fiancee? Was she not able to view the aftermath?

Confession #90. My soon to be ex hubby liked to take out his many frustrations and insecurities out on me. Physically. I got the opportunity to finally see what my phone tasted like when he gave me a smooth backhand to my mouthpiece usin' my phone to do it with. Man, my soup coolers (lips) looked like somethin'off a documentary called Collagen Injections Gone Horribly Wrong.

Clueless Christina better wake up and hear those po' po' sirens. Why would she even put herself in this type of position? She should be afraid to hook up with this man on ANY type level, let alone as her husband. Sometimes we as women act just like we ain't got the good sense God blessed us with. Some of us always thinkin' that we're gonna be the exception to the rule. Honey, quit keepin' your eyes wide shut!!

I guess the possibility of a man tap dancin' upside her noggin is somewhat appealing. I just don't get it.This woman is obviously a knock out. She loves God. She has her own ministry. Perhaps she should ask the Lord to prophesy to her about whether or not she should tie the knot with this man.

Does This Automatically Make A Woman or Man More Attractive?

2009-08-29T11:17:00.004-05:00

"Don't think that light skin is in...chocolate ain't never went nowhere..."

Can you guess which celebrity hip hop star made this captivatin' comment?

Was it "Mr.Milli" himself?

Nope...try again.

Could it have been...Houston's own Lil' Flip?

If you picked him... sorry, game over.

Give up? It was none other than.... (drum roll)

Snoop (Mr. Great Dane himself)

I'm sure you're probably curious as to what even made him make this statement. Well, he was actually making this quote in reference to his beautiful, ebony-rich daughter, Cori. I think that it's heart warming that he tried to affirm that his lil'' girl is precious regardless of her complexion. But would someone such as Halle's lil' heartbreaker

be considered more pleasing to the eye because of her lighter tint? Confession #86. I have sometimes been guilty of this crime myself (holdin' my head down). However,my color struck condition played a factor in the dating scene. When it came down to gettin' to know a dude, I would NOT spend my precious time with anyone that wasn't the color of Kingford's charcoal. Gentlemen that were of the lighter persuasion were of no interest. I mean, I wouldn't even give these guys a chance.

I had often been questioned by my compadres in crime as to what my logic was behind this way of thinking. Honestly, I really couldn't give them a straight answer. Well, I could, but...I felt like my answer might in fact be controversial. You see, I just felt like dark skinned don's were just more striking. More..mysterious if you will. The brighter skinned gentlemen that I often came in contact with came off as exceedingly arrogant, loudmouthed buffoons.

In my era, it was always "light is right" or "light, bright and close to white." Personally though, I preferred my berry to be blacker so that the juice would be sweeter. Why? Was that because I was rebellin' against society's definition of what 'true beauty 'was or was it just a personal choice? Hmm. Perhaps a smidgen of both. As I matured into this journey that we call womanhood, I realized something. Beauty is indeed colorblind. Do you find men and women of a lighter tone more attractive than say their darker counterparts? When at the mall or some other social function,do you often find yourself cooin' at the lighter skinned baby as oppossed to one of a darker color? The floor is open ladies and gents..

Step on up to that mike and tell me how you feel...

For your viewin' pleasure I have compiled my own personal Celebrities of Color collage.Enjoy...

In the "Lusciously Lighter" category we have...

Next, we have darkly delicious...

Can A Man Be TOO Honest?!

2009-08-25T12:31:00.002-05:00

Boredom was my first, middle and last name on this particular Saturday. To break the montony of my yawn fest, I decided to check my messeages on Spacehate. I'm sorry. MySpace. Anyhooters, there was a note from a long, lost shall we say...acquaintance. I was kinda curious as to what he could possibly want because we had a pluck your eyeballs out- knock down-drag out fight last time we spoke.

His message was casual. Yet he left his new # and asked me to call if I felt like it. Hmm. I waited about 2 days. What can I say? I just HAD to know what he wanted. I sent him a text just to feel out the situation. He replied back and we played textual tag for a minute. He then asked if I could call him so we could talk. I agreed. Just to break the ice more, I decided to ask him him some questions that would help me get a better feel as to what type of man I was dealin' with.

I gave him this scenario. What would you do if your best friend's girl tried to come on to you? How would you handle that? Would you tell him? Now, I gotta admit. I'm a pretty jaded individual. Based on my personal life events, nothing too much that happens nowadays surprises me. Yet his response left me bankrupt for words. Here's what he said. "If she was hot I would sleep with her and then tell my boy she wasn't sh*t."

Huh?? Was this dude for real? Is the word loyalty not listed as an entry in his personal dictionary of life? I asked him how he could betray his BEST FRIEND like that. His response was that guys basically stab each other in the back all the time. Get them before they get you was his convoluted logic. I was utterly disgusted. I think he knew I was because he replied by saying "hey, I'm just keepin' it real." I guess this is the part where he was expectin' some props or perhaps a standin' ovation.

Fortunately, the catastrophic call came to a screechin' halt not too long after his riveting revelation. Should he have been celebrated for the fact that he didn't hold back? Is there such a thing as bein' TOO real?

Booty Calls are Just One Click Away...

2009-08-24T08:48:00.004-05:00

I couldn't believe my eyes. I read the email. I reread it again. A gentleman that I went to college with had sent me an open invitation to join him on a website referred to as OBC. Do these three lil' letters ring any bells? Let me spell it out. Literally.
O-ONLINE
B-BOOTY
C-CALL

Can't say that I was exactly flattered to receive this type of correspondence. Of course this email was quickly sent to my heapin' trash pile, internet style. Eventually though,curiousity just about strangled this cat so I had no choice but to investigate this matter just a lil' further.

Once I got to the website, it asks a series of about 15 short and to the point questions. It asked for physical descriptions from my height right down to my eye color. Next,I uploaded my profile pic. Once I made verification through my email, I was all set for my new booty quest!! The site is definitely user friendly. That's a plus, right? I noticed on the home page that it is divided up into 3 unique sections.

The first category is:

This is where it says how many folks are feenin' for the booty. YOUR booty. You can also retrieve any messages someone may have left. Lastly, you can get a peep as to who's been checkin' you out with profile views. Sound interesting yet?
Okay. Next, there is the:

or what the website calls the "Random Booty" section. Are you in the mood for a lil' danger and intrigue? If so, here is the section where the computer picks someone for you based on your zip code. I guess you could say that its kinda like virtual Russian roulette. Feelin' that soft and sexy tingle yet?
Lastly,

You guessed it.The Quick Search section. This is where you plug your zip code into the computer. Next, you tell the computer how many miles you want it to search out. The range is anywhere from 5-1,000 miles out!! Damn. You could jump in your ride and really go the distance for some skin slappin, bed bangin' booty action.

I bet you're all ready, set and excited to roll, huh? Wellll..pump your brakes for a sec. As with most things in life, this site has stipulations. Bottom line: you got to pay to play. Here's how it works. There are 2 different membership levels:

Bronze-basic, bare bones. If you should happen to see someone who is lookin' kinda tasty, too bad. You can't send them a message unless this individual sends YOU one FIRST. The most that you could accomplish is to add them to your "booty" list. Consequently if you want to get noticed, then make sure your profile pic is lookin' right, know what I'm sayin?

Gold-"Membership has its' privileges". At this level is where you're gonna start diggin in your pockets or pocketbook. Payments can be made on a monthly, quarterly, or yearly basis. The trick is to pay for more time upfront so that you will receive a discount over the long haul. At this level, you can send messages, intiate IM'ing, and a host of other things.

Tiffany's Tidbits of Truth: By no means am I condoning OR condemning this website. You are capable and consenting adults. If you decide to give it a try, have fun but PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!

Have These Stars Crossed The Line??

2009-08-24T08:06:00.003-05:00

"Like a virgin...touched for the very first time..."(even though I'm just about sure this wasn't the case for her)..

Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone or affectionately known as...Madonna. I always enjoyed her music. It was edgy served up with a side of sacrilege. Her melodious songs crossed boundaries both color-wise and morally.

I remember when she hit the stage in this get up and mouths dropped:

Her costume catastrophe might seem pretty tame based on today's rather loose standards. Yet back in the era of the 80's it was definitely racy. Her hips were on constant gyrate mode while she twisted and twirled the pointy edges of her torpedoed ta-ta's.
As time pressed foward, so did her boldness. She continued to push the envelope even further with her Erotica cd and her all about Sex book.

People were probably still drinkin' from that fountain (shudderin')

Madonna exploited her free sexuality to any and everybody who would listen. The concept of drawing the line was foreign to her. Even as she began to age, she still continued with her exhibitionist behavior as seen here with Miss Britney...

Miss Madonna is now at the milestone mark of 50. When is enough ENOUGH??!! She's still trying to recapture her youth as you can see in this pitiful, unphotoshopped pic...

Next on the homefront we have America's new public-relations princess...

She got her humble start as a strip...Aw man, I'm sorry. The politically correct term would be exotic dancer. Please forgive my ignorance. But like the Jefferson's theme song says, she's movin' on up!! I mean, she went from bein' this no name chick's main squeeze...

(Ol' girl's fade is pretty tight, huh? )

to bein' King Kanye's permanent arm piece...

She now has secured a modelin' contract with a very reputable agency. Most would say that she's on her "grind." Ok. I can't argue with that. But at what cost? What about her reputation and her image? I guess it just doesn't matter when you're ballin,' huh?

Should people launch their careers and keep them going by any means necessary? What types of limits should be set if any?

I need to hear from YOU!!

Does "Bam-Bam" Deserve A Second Chance??

2009-08-22T15:24:00.002-05:00

It was a media feeding frenzy. Could it be true?? Chris "Bam-Bam" Brown was accused of goin' upside the head of his wifey, hip hop's hottie Rihanna. At first, I wasn't sure if this was just part of the gossip grid or what. Yet when I caught a peek of her lookin' like her and Laila Ali had been goin' at it all day...

I realized that something unsavory and unsafe happened in that car that night. Did Rihanna deserve to get a smack down? Did she incite Chris's anger by things she might've said or done? Truth is, we probably will never know what REALLY took place. After all, she's got her version of the truth and he has his. Despite how men and women all over the country might have wanted to take him to a dark alley and deliver a sharp uppercut of their own, he had his day in court.

The halls of justice basically just swatted him on his bottom and told him not to do it again. From what I heard, that was ok with Rih Rih. The story was that she didn't really want him to be punished anyway.Could it be because she would no longer get to control Chris's...shall we say.. magic wand?

Is it because she was indeed feelin' guilty about the possibility of him havin' to do a bid?

The world may never know. Consequently since he has been given his punishment, he recently issued a public apology to her...

Awww...well who could stay mad at that face, right? Let me ask you something. Do you think his apology was sincere? Was it maybe just a public relations ploy to help rebuild his somewhat shattered image? Should Rihanna let him back in (if she hasn't already)?
What if he gets down on bended knee...will that help?

The Bewitching Hour Has Come!!!

2009-08-21T15:25:00.004-05:00

The waiting is OVER!!! The time has arrived!!

On Monday August 24, 2009 my beloved first hope, my beautiful 16 year old daughter will be returning HOME!!

My fam and I are absolutely THRILLED beyond words!!

It's on and poppin' now!!!

For all of my viewers who have been so supportive and commented on the blogs that I have inked about her on different occassions, please allow me to

pop this bottle in your honor...

"Man"-datory Vs. Voluntary: Which Should It Be??

2009-08-19T09:41:00.005-05:00

It was hot. I'm talkin' scramble-an-egg-on-the-sidewalk-kind of scorcher. Perspiring and sticky male bodies pounding the pavement while showin' off their best moves at the neighborhood b-ball court. The ladies standin' around tryin' to look fiercly fab while it feels like our skin is gettin' licked by the flames of Dante's Inferno. It was summer and I was takin' a much needed break from my quick paced college routine. I'm slowly casin' my surroundings WHEN I SEE HIM.

He looks...he's like...like a chocolate tornado thunderin' down the court. He does a fake, turns around and does a slam dunk so hard it makes my teeth chatter. I ask my cuzzo who this Michael Jordan wannabe was. Next thing I realize is that she is up at the fence tellin' this guy that I was feelin' him LIKE THAT!! No, she didn't!! Yeah, actually she really did. Anywhooters, dude comes to my grandma's house that night and asks if what he had heard earlier was true. I broke it down for him. Let him know that I was only there for the summer and I already had a man. He smiled and said "we'll see." After months of bein' inseparable, the season of summertime was quickly comin' to a close. It was time to get back to reality. HOWEVER, not before findin' out that...

Ok. Let's fast foward 16 years past all the humilation I allowed him to put me through. We now share 2 beautiful children just 1 year and 4 days apart. In all of these years, he never paid one red dime of support. He somehow managed to stay one step ahead of "the man" and would quit his job before they were able to start garnishing his checks. He now has a passionate love affair with the penal system. What a great guy, huh? Despite my scathin' sarcasm, this situation actually poses a moral dilemma in the deep caverns of my psyche. I think that

This was somethin' that me and my mom sometimes didn't see eye to eye on. She would always tell me that regardless of how a man FELT, he should be held financially responsible for goin' half on makin' his baby. In earlier years, I took what I like to call the bleedin' heart stance. Simply put, this just meant that a man (or woman) shouldn't have to be FORCED by our state govermental agencies to pay for his children if he felt like he didn't have it in his heart to. Over the years as my kids have gotten older, I came to realize that although this mindset may seem somewhat NOBLE, it just wasn't PRACTICAL.

I've come to the conclusion that this definitely could end up bein' my fate...

as it could be for quite a staggerin' amount of women as well as even some men. Should men or women be FORCED to pay child support or should it be optional? Do you think makin' it "man"-datory creates unnecessary ill feelings between the absent parent and the custodial parent? What about between the absent parent and the child? I've spoken my piece. Now, I'm passin the mic

to YOU...

Some Folks Just Don't Know When To HUSH!!!

2009-08-18T12:45:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I seriously wonder what kind of world we live in. There are more and more people just comin' out of the side of their necks and confessing to things that should be kept under lock and key. I was coastin' down the internet interstate when I crashed into this latest saga:

Miss Stefani Germanotta or better known as Lady Gaga, bore her soul by admitting that she has both male and female...ah...plumbing. I believe the politically correct term for this would be a hermaphrodite. She has freely admitted that she is "not ashamed" about havin' a "poon and a peener." By no means am I sayin' that she should hold down her head in shame about bein' different. Yet on the flip side, I don't feel as though it was necessary for her to put her private affairs on blast.

I am a firm believer that some issues should be kept quiet and taken to the grave. Why did she feel like this was something she HAD to reveal? Does she have no decency and pride? I really felt like this was some information that I didn't NEED or WANT to know. In my eyes, I don't see her as some radical pioneer for the rights of hermaphrodites all across the land. I don't admire her for her honesty. I don't look up to her for her boldness. Just because she's in the public eye, doesn't mean all her private info needs to be shared with the whole world.

She calls herself "Lady"? I think some people use this term a bit too loosely.

Why Won't They Stop??!!

2009-08-17T09:55:00.002-05:00

About 2 months ago I made a life changing decision. Many didn't understand my choice, but it really didn't matter. I knew that this was one step I had to take. I decided.....I needed a break from the male species. No, that doesn't mean that I'm gonna start battin' for the same team. I just simply needed a hiatus from all the nonsense that can take place within a relationship between a man and a woman.

Since I've decided to take on this new mission, I must say that my life seems to be runnin' alot smoother. Yet, wouldn't you know that as soon as I decided that I needed breathin' room for a while, guys have been comin' out from everywhere tryin' to get on the good foot. I tell them that I'm really not interested. Let me paint you a picture. Ever have the simple pleasure of tryin' to smash a cockroach? You lift your leg about 10 feet in the air before bringin' down your full weight on these lil' pests and it doesn't even seem to phase them? They may bob and weave like a boxer that just got hit with an uppercut but they still keep it movin'.

Case in point. I'm enjoyin' another entertainin' eposide of Cheaters. I suddenly hear my Moments In Love ringtone. Slightly irritated, I check my id. I don't recognize the number but I answer it anyway. I didn't recognize the voice at first. Turns out, it was one of my old friends from yesteryear. He was wantin' to restablish old connections and ignite old flames. Sorry Dr. Spock. I've since moved on and no longer desire to be involved (intial foot stomp on roach). He sends me a text asking what that means. I told him that he needs to take my number on an expedition and lose it. I don't wish to talk anymore (hittin' the roach with a stiletto since the foot didn't work). He still doesn't understand. Ok. This guy needs to go to the Emerald City, visit the Wizard and ask him for a BRAIN.

I TELL HIM THAT STARING AT PEELING PAINT ON THE WALL IS MORE STIMULATING THAN HOLDING A CONVO WITH HIM ON ANY DAY OF THE WEEK (using bug spray and shoe to kill this thing cuz it JUST WON'T DIE). Finally, I think he gets it. But he hits me back later that night and asks does that mean that he can NEVER call me again??!! I didn't even bother to answer.

Situation number #2. There was a gentleman who kept tryin' to contact me even though I wasnt't feelin' him like that. I thought he had crawled back under a rock and given up. Much to my dismay, I was incorrect. Picture it. I'm takin' a relaxin' drive in my car, listenin' to the oldies when my text message signal rings. Yeah (sigh), it's him. I asked him why he is still tryin' to get in touch with me when I made it very clear that I no longer wanted to talk to him. He said that he just wanted to check on me.

What IS it with these guys? I told him that I don't need him to check on me and I don't wish to talk to him ANYMORE. EVER. AGAIN. He texts me back and says " you know you are really kinda rude." Finally!! I asked him why would he continue to contact someone and they CLEARLY don't want to be bothered?? He said that he didn't know. Wow. These desperados just keep comin'. Will they please leave me the hell alone? Why is it when you tell them that you want to just chill they can't take NO for an answer??

I need YOUR input!!

Come Back Guys!!

2009-08-16T10:15:00.011-05:00

I love different kinds of music. However, my fav genre would have to be...

The tunes of today are..ok. Honestly, I don't really make a point of keepin' up with the new artists. Turth be told, I'm just an old school girl at heart.These are the sounds I have on blast when I'm crusin' in my car, cleanin' my crib or just..relaxin'. In my mind, these guys are irreplaceable. I wish they could come back!! They are missed!!

Who could forget these guys...

"Do you remember the 21st night of September?" Maurice, Phillip and the rest of the crew were HOTT!!

These gentlemen had a relatively short shelf life but they still were bangin' just the same...

This man...

started a new whole new musical revolution and this fantastic 3 man group known as...

Last but certainly not least...

One of my most fav groups of all time. Their music was so souful and meaningful. I heard that the title of this song wasn't true, but after hearin' them, I was convinced...

What is UP With This Dude??!!

2009-08-15T15:13:00.002-05:00

Classicly handsome face. The man has a body to die for. He's got a reputable career in the NFL. Wealthy. He could probably have just about any woman in the world that he wanted. Standing from the outside lookin' in, it looks like the man just about has it all. Yet, there is a burnin' question that smolders in in my conscience about Reg. WHAT'S WRONG WITH GETTIN' A WOMAN THAT LOOKS LIKE HE DOES??

First, we have Kim. She is indeed a beautiful woman. I will definitely cosign on that. Yet, her rise to stardom was based on a HOMEMADE PORNO. She capitalized on that and ran with it. If you ask me, I don't think she deserves to be epitomized or put on a pedestal for that. Other than her exotic looks and obvious assessts, it is beyond my understanding as to how a man could look at her as serious relationship material.What about the whole cliche about turnin' a ho into a housewife??!! I mean the whole world was able to see Ray J (of ALL people) beatin' her stuffin' up. I should respect her "swag" for that? Reggie not only hit it (and eventually quit it) but made her his woman for a while.

C'mon Mr. Bush, are you serious?? Are there not enough gorgeous, eye-catching, curvy sistas out in the showbiz world? Question. Would he wife a black chick if she had gone to such DRAMATIC lengths to gain notoriety and make a name for herself?

The jury's still out on that one.

Next, behind door number #2 we have...

Miss Carmen Ortega. Now, before Kim & Reg parted ways, I had never even heard of this chick. Now, she decides to come forward and toot her own horn about bein' with him when he already had a mamacita. She timed that ish PERFECTLY. She obviously is willin' to put her affair on blast just to cop a couple dollars. This female speciman is reportedly a model/video vixen. What's wrong with Reggie gettin' with a respectable actress or professional woman of some kind?
Again I ask, WHY NOT A BLACK WOMAN?? ARE THERE NOT ENOUGH??

What Y'all Gonna Do??

2009-08-14T15:35:00.002-05:00

IT'S THE WEEKEND Y'ALL!!!!
Fun. Rest. Friends. Fam. The time of the week when we can sleep late and not possibly lose our jobs once we wake up...

We as ladies can throw on our sexiest, slinkiest dress with the 3 inch strappy heels and break it down low at the club...

We can get together with our sistagurls and have a few drinks(maybe even a few hot wings while you playin')...

Hey..we can even get it on and poppin' with our boo boo baby (clearin' my throat)...

How about YOU?? What 'chu got on YOUR agenda this weekend??

Something I've Noticed About Our Blogsophere...

2009-08-13T14:53:00.003-05:00

Disclaimer: Let me make this real clear right up front. This particular post isn't meant to poo poo on anyone in particular. I'm merely discussing something rather interestin' that I have been observing. If I offend anyone in the process, I am truly and humbly apologetic.

I was feelin' restless. Bored. What to do, what to do? I know! I jumped on my Blogger bicycle and went coastin' on the cyber streets to see what I could get into. As I'm readin' through several posts, I was startin' to notice a familiar pattern. There were several authors who would create a special post about havin' 100 faithful followers or more. At first glance, I was celebratin'and doin' the stanky leg right along with them. It's quite an accomplishment. Yet, when I would read other stories that they had published, they would only receive anywhere from 4-15 comments tops.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not gulpin' down any of this:

I think it's fab to have so many fans IF they're givin' feedback on what you're writing. What's the point otherwise? I don't want to just aimlesly crusie through people's pages and then click to follow them if I know their blog topics really don't hold my interest. Consequently, some folks may not care whether they are gettin' comments or not.For them, it's all about a large nest of followers. For me, I appreciate hearing from people who genuinely hold an interest in what I'm talkin' bout.
To all my followers who have now become friends, c'mere and let me plant one on ya:

I appreciate y'all!!

For Old Time's Sake...

2009-08-12T13:30:00.002-05:00

1990. A time of new beginnings. I was a freshman at Lincoln U. Fresh faced and color struck by all the faces that looked so much like mine (hey, I went to a predominantly private white school). It was the weekend and I was at this hot and sweaty party. There was an ocean of bodies waving and gyrating to the pulsing sounds that were pouring out of the speakers. It was then that I heard the infamous and redundant chorus that sent both men and women in a frenzy. What is that you might ask? Lol. Come check it for yourself.

Do you memba' this one??

Bug-A Boo Times 2!!

2009-08-11T14:27:00.005-05:00

I met this guy. He was roughly about 6'2. In terms of his weight...well..let's just say he doesn't miss too many meals..fluffy if you will. Skin is beautiful..even tone..darker than a thousand starless nights. Urban dresser but not too thugged out. He's patriotic. Hey, I mean the guy is battling for our freedom and civil liberties in foreign territories. What a guy, huh?

We had a few dates. A couple of late night tete a^tetes. Yet mostly our short lived -fly by night-relationship really didn't stand a chance. I mean, this guy obviously was birthed and raised in the land of fruit and nuts. He would say and do things that just defied logic and good sense. Case in point: I was on my way to a meeting when my cell phone tinkered. Yeah, it was him. We talked about my 10 y.o. son's blind ambition to work offense on his pee wee football squad as opposed to defense. (I was just thrilled that they allowed my son to play cuz he didnt even know how to catch a football! Lol.) I don't know if it was the convo that was making him feel warm and fuzzy or what. But the next thing he asked almost made my car do a double back handspring in the middle of after school traffic.

He asked me to MARRY HIM!!!!!! What in the Nova Scotia is this dude thinking?? I mean, the silence was so thick you could FEEL it. You could hear a mouse pee pee on cotton. Ok. I had to manuever tactfully and carefully, right? I gently informed him that there was a higher likelyhood of Milli Vanilli making a comeback (and one of the members is deceased) then me becoming his Mrs. First off, I was and still am legally married. (My hubby and I are in divorce mode). Secondly, we hadn't known each other long enough! He asked that when he returned from his duty overseas that I would be divorced. Sorry Captain Kirk. I ain't makin' no promises today (or tomorrow for that matter).

Our interconnection just became more peculiar with each passing day. He asked me to call him after that meeting. Once the kiddos were nestled and all snug in their beds, I decided to ring him. He picked up the phone and told me that he never wanted to speak to me again and stop calling him!! (Dial tone).

Ooooooooooook. Yeah. That was a scene straight out of the Twilight Zone. Yet, being the cerebral mastermind that I profess to be (lol), I had a theory. See, there were certain backround noises that indicated that there was someone else present during this call. Mhmmm, that's right. ANOTHER WOMAN!!! (Audible gasp). Needless to say that this guy was outta here. Historical. I put this guy on the one way train to Sayonaraville. After this daubaucle, he had the cajones to keep trying to call me and get back. Sorry, but I don't chew my cabbage twice. This guy was relentless though. He just wouldn't stop calling and texting. Finally, one day I answered just to get some peace. He told me that he was about to head on over to desert land with his unit. Yeah, ok. You're telling me this because.......he said that he had a girlfriend and he just wanted to make sure that I wasn't mad. Wow. If this wasnt so pathetic, it would be comical. I congratulated him, wished him Godspeed and promptly ended the call. Whew. I'll never hear from him again, I thought. Now I don't have to tell my wireless provider to change my number.

Fast forward a couple of months. I'm on my boogie board surfing the world wide net when my cell starts ringing. When I check the screen I see a series of numbers that don't look familiar at all. I decided to pass on answering. Throughout the weeks this same set of numbers would appear. Eventually, curiousity just about killed this cat. I answered. BIG MISTAKE. It was Mr. Norman Bates in chocolate form. He said that he was calling to let me know that he had finally tied the knot with some unsuspecting victim. Really? He also wanted to make sure that I didn't hold any ill feelings towards him. Sigh. Why would I? I'm good. I informed him that all is well but I need him to back off and stop calling. A week or so later, he kept calling. Calling some more. Dang, he's working on your last nerve too, huh?

I knew I had to squash this somehow. On this fateful day, I was enjoying a quiet stroll through a local bookstore. My cell chirped. Annoyed, I looked at the id. Well, what do you know? Mr. Bug-a Boo is on line 2!!

I hit the talk button. He asked me why I hadn't been answering my phone. Is this guy for real?? I unleashed such a torrent of foul and disdainful language that even a sailor would have been embarrassed. A bookstore wouldn't have been my first choice to vent especially because the patrons were watching me as if I had just escaped from the asylum. Oh well, we do we must.Will I hear from him ever again?

Have Y'all Checked This One Out Yet?

2009-08-09T11:19:00.003-05:00

You take a trip to to your local movie rental outlet. Your heart is set on that cinematic masterpiece that you never got a chance to see at the theatre. Mentally, you start planning what type of edibles you will partake in while watching your flick. Before you know it you've reached your destination. You hit the door and make a beeline for the new release wall. There it is!!! You can see the DVD cover from here!! Everything starts moving in slow motion ( Chariots of Fire theme music). You gently nudge that unsuspecting couple to the side who can't make up their mind whether they want to see a chick flick or a slasher film. Your hand is already poised and ready to pick it up and put it under your arm. Yes!!! Yes!!! Finally, you...Wait a minute. What the flub -a-dub?? These covers say for display only!!!! NOOOOOOO!!! There must be some mistake. You eagerly push back all the covers looking for a DVD, somewhere, anywhere. No such luck. Damn it man!!! You really wanted to rent that movie. Now what? You 're about to leave the store feeling dejected. But wait grasshopper. All is not lost. Ever think to check the releases that might not have ever made it to the big screen? Now that might be worth checking out, huh?

Ever check this one out?

OK. As you can tell by reading the colorful movie poster, this photo drama has quite a few heavy weight actors and actresses.Plus, it even has a guest cameo by a beautiful African American actress that wasn't listed on the marquee. Even though I won't reveal her identity, I'll give you a hint. She's gal pals with Gabby Union. Alright now, let's get to the nitty gritty. This story is basically about the lives of several strangers that mystically become intertwined. Jessica Biel (Justin Timberlake's love slave) stars as a confused, lonely out of place exotic dancer who craves some serious love and attention from a male suitor. She tries to balance the woes of her daily grind with the responsibility of being a single mamacita. Since I'm one of the world's coolest chick-a- dees ever spawned, I'm gonna give you a quick sneaky peeky:

Jessie is workin it out, ain't she? Alrighty then. She then in turn makes contact with Ray Liotta (Memba' him from Good Fellas and Blow?). He's a do -gooder ex con who's trying to walk the straight and narrow. They have a chance encounter and so begins the twists and turns of their tumultuous interactions. Forest W. plays a tortured and martyred individual who no longer has the will to keep it going. He's concocted this bizarre strategy to help him get to the pearly gates quick, fast, and in a hurry. He will soon see that things sometimes don't work out the way one has planned. Hmm. Here come Lisa Kudrow(Phoebe from Friends). This babe has got some issues of her own. Yet, this dame wants her a chocolate fix and by Nelly she will get it!! Lol.

All in all the movie was..mmmm....so-so. There were some gut wrenching moments where I felt like taking a concrete bungee jump. Yet, what I did find appealing was there were some surprises that took me off guard. I must say this. If you just broke up with a significant other or you're looking for some other reason to have a pity party than grab you a pint of Ben & Jerry's and knock yourself out. BUT if you just got that promo at work or got that guy/girl to finally notice you and you're feeling elated like a fiend in a crack house, than maybe you should wait before feasting your eyes on this particular DVD.

HELP!! I'VE GOT A BLOG BLOCK!!

2009-08-06T19:34:00.003-05:00

Y'all GOTS to forgive me!! I've fallen off the wagon with my bloggin'!! I have a SERIOUS brain block right about now!! The reserve for my creative juices is bein' sucked bone dry by:

**School shoppin'

**Kids double dutchin' on my last nerves

**Contemplating my latest move for life enrichment

For those of you who have been supportive, I want y'all to know that:

STANLEY THE STALKER!!

2009-08-03T19:45:00.003-05:00

For you know quite well that the day of the Lord's return will come unexpectedly, like a thief in the night." (I Thessalonians 5:2). Anyone familiar with this passage? Wait, now wait!!! Don't go getting all glassy eyed on me thinking I'm about to go all Juanita Bynum on you!!! Lol.Relax guys. I put this biblical verse in to simply make a point. Paul (the author) was saying that one never knows when the 2ND coming of Christ will occur. It will more than likely happen at a time when we least expect it. The event will happen when we're really not even thinking about it which is what happened to me. Picture it. It was a dark and stormy night. (No, I'm not just trying to add drama to the moment. It REALLY was.) You could hear the rain pitter-pattering a sweet lullaby.The skies looked like Zeus and Hades were having a late night showdown. It was late. I was in a deep, comatose like sleep. Yeah. You know what I mean. The slobber is running a river from my mouth to the pillow. The covers are right under my nose. Ah. Sheer bliss, right? Oddly, this was the calm before the REAL storm.

I was awakened by my 16 y.o. daughter shaking my shoulder. You see earlier that night, she had asked if she could crash in my room. Well, since there wasn't a handsome, hunk of a man keeping my bed toasty I thought "why not?" Little did we know that my precious one had probably saved our lives by being in my room that night (shaking my head at the memory). I could tell that she was spooked. She said that she heard something downstairs. OK. Let me give you guys a one minute history. My daughter was diagnosed as being schizo-affective. She often sees and hears things that go bump in the night. When she told me that she heard something, I sat up so fast that I felt like I was experiencing vertigo.I was sure that she might have been imagining things. Yet sure enough, I heard something. The blinds somewhere downstairs were being moved.

I'm in panic/think mode. Sweat is starting to form under my armpits and neck. My daughter told me to call 911. I didn't want to overreact. Yet on the black hand side, I didn't want to downplay it either. After all, I know what I heard. At least I think I do. I gotta get on the good foot. QUICKLY. I told my teen queen to relax. I heard another sound in the kitchen area.Now what? Fortunately, my 4 y.o. was in the room with me already. Yet, my 2 boys were in their room. At first, I thought maybe my 15 y.o. stud muffin had gotten up for a late night bite. I explained to her that we would go check in the boys room and see what the deal was. We tiptoed over to the boys' domain and quietly opened the door. Lawd have mercy. My theory was now out the window. No late snacking for my oldest son. He was too busy sawing logs. I woke him and my other boy. I told them what was happening. My knight in shining armor(15 y.o. son) offered to save the day by going to check downstairs. I told him that I would rather have someone pull my toenails off with a rusty hedge clipper.No way was I gonna let him go down there. I knew time could be running out. We didn't know WHAT or WHO was lurking in those dark shadows downstairs.

I told my young ones my plan. My son told me that he would follow me downstairs. I didn't like it. He insisted. What a kid!!! With me in the lead, we slowly made our way down the steps. I looked in the kitchen. Guys, I was right and for the first time didn't want to be. MY WINDOW HAD BEEN OPENED AND THE SCREEN WAS RESTING COMFORTABLY ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR. CHCHCHCH....HAAAAAAAA...TTTTTTT...(for those of you who are clueless this is Jason's Vorhees' theme sound right before he amputates someone). OK. I don't want to become unglued, but I can't lie. I'm scared yall. I whispered to my son to turn back around. I don't know. I think we both broke the world's record for the 200 meter running back up that landing. It was official. (Shaky sigh). There was a stranger in my house!!!

By this time, my daughter had already grabbed my cell. She knew what time it was. I was the one acting like Sally Sausagehead. Trembling, I dialed the emergency hot line. You know, 911. Finally, right? The dispatcher asked me a variety of questions. I was trying to whisper and keep my kids quiet cuz I didn't want to startle whoever had decided to take up residence downstairs. She kept telling me that the boys in blue should be there in a minute. Man, they need to hurry up. Wait a minute. What is that sound? My daughter and I looked at each other at the same time. Her eyes were as big as quarters. My peepers were as big as asteroids, if you can imagine that. This person, or persons WERE COMING UP OUR STAIRS!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!! OMG!!!!!! Have mercy Lawd!!!

I'm almost in tears. I'm trying to whisper that the burglar is ascending to where we are. She says "I'm sorry ma'am, but can you speak a lil louder?"Of course. Not a prob. THERE COULD POSSIBLY BE A DERANGED LUNATIC IN OUR PRESENCE WHO WANTS TO USE OUR BODY PARTS TO FURTHER THE CAUSE OF SCIENCE!!! DID U HEAR THAT???!!! Creak. (I really need to put some WD-40 on those door hinges). The door is opening. We all have that frozen deer in headlights look. If I could just run over to the closet and grab my wrap around sandals with the 3 inch wooden heel, we might make it out of this, huh? The dispatcher is asking if I'm still there. I'm not sure for how much longer. This dude strolls in real smooth like we been homies for a minute. For a split second I thought he might have been an undercover officer. My daughter makes a plea to him for our lives. Now how could someone refuse that? Stanley Stalker is real cool though. He told her that he had no intentions on hurting anyone. He said that there was for a purpose for him being there. Really? Oh, I'm dying to hear this. (Not literally, OK?)

He said that he was out jogging and these two guys were chasing him. He ran into our home cuz he needed some place to hide. WOMP. WOMP. What I did next remains a mystery to me even now. I asked him his name. He told me. I asked him where he lived.He even gave me the street name. What is this, an interview? I walked up on Mr. Stalker and his breath knocked me back 2 decades. Holy Joe. The vodka smell was overpowering.I suddenly saw a flashlight underneath the door. He tells us NOT to open the bedroom door cuz it could be the two make believe guys that were chasing him. This just keeps getting more and more bizarre. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? WHERE IN THE BLUE MOON ARE THE COPS???? My fearless daughter ran over to the door and opened it. Well, what do you know? The fuzz FINALLY decided to make an appearance.

Stanley didn't try to put up a fight. He told the police the same cock-n-bull story he had told us. They looked at him like he was wearing a tutu and Tims. Finally, he was removed from the premises. Needless to say, none of us got any sleep that night. To this day, it remains unclear as to his REAL reasons for being in my house. He didn't try to steal anything. He didn't try to add us to his shrunken head collection. His story had more holes than Swiss cheese. WHAT WAS HE REALLY DOING HERE?

Could This Have POSSIBLY Been Avoided?

2009-07-31T16:10:00.002-05:00

Chilling. Macabre. Downright FRIGHTENING. This is the stuff that horror movies are made of. Gruesomely enough, this appalling abomination is very much the real thing. There are no overpaid actors or actresses listed on the marquee. The presence of an elaborate movie set is missing in action. Instead, what we find is this small but modest home:

I would like to cordially invite you to the House of Horrors. A woman brutalized and murdered her 3 week old son in this very residence. From what I have read, the crime scene was so ghastly and terrifying, that law enforcement couldn't find the words to SPEAK to one another. I mean, this was the kind of setting that would make a fully grown man drop to his knees, raise his hands heavenward and ask "why?"

I've decided to skip rehashing the hideous step by step details of this horrific homicide. The question that invades my thinking space is this. Could this scenario have been prevented? According to news reports,the mom of this slain newborn was suffering with schizophrenia. Her family said they were concerned because she hadn't been taking her meds as instructed.

It seems as though there were warning signs leading up to Ms. Sanchez's psychotic break. I'm not sure if people close to her just ignored the handwriting on the wall or they just genuinely didn't see it. Personally this is another newsworthy saga that has hit home with the force of 10 tractor trailers.

For those of you who don't know, I have a beautiful daughter who battles something very similiar. Back in Oct of 2007, she experienced an episode of severe madness and mania. I've never seen my little girl so violent and out of control. She did things that day that we didn't think were possible. We couldn't contain her.My local police department had to provide us with their assistance. My mom and my 3 y.o. daughter were almost MURDERED that very day.

Fortunately, my Heavenly Father spared our lives. But ya wanna know what REALLY stays on my mind? Exactly one week before this eerie incident took place, I told my daughter's therapist that her moods were becoming significantly darker and darker day by day. Her poems often spoke of death and destruction.Voices were plaguing her consistently. She had an obscene fascination with serial killers and replied that she aspired someday to be one herself. I BEGGED him to help us. I didn't know what else to do. Here was his repsonse. "Try to keep her and her 13 y.o. brother apart and maybe that might make things better for her."

Maybe I'm wrong for thinking this way. However, it is my honest and humblest opinion that if her counselor had taken my pleas for help more seriously, perhaps my family could have been spared that hellish ordeal. Could there have been a different ending for Ms. Sanchez and her loved ones if only someone had stood up and taken action? Would her little one still be alive and well?

Sorry Y'all!! But These Guys Are WAY Overrated!!

2009-07-30T19:28:00.005-05:00

I can't take it no mo'!!! I gots to go against the grain on this one. I may lose followers behind this...I may gain more.But..these fellas are NOT all of that plus a bag of salt and vinegar chips!!
Let me start with this gentleman first:

Mr. Idris Elba. Not a bad lookin' man. But CERTAINLY not monumentally gorgeous or jaw droppin'. His actin' skills are average at best. I certainly wasn't impressed with him in this flick:

But when I read showbiz mags or entertainment websites, women are just fallin' all over themselves talkin 'bout how fine he is. How his actin' prowess is close to Denzel's(rollin' my eyes and smackin' my lips).Puhleze!! As if!!

Next on my list:

Don't get me wrong. Common is just that..common. His lyrical skills are.. so so. Most times when he raps it sounds like his flow isn't quite matchin' up with the tempo of the music. I don't think he's incredibly handsome like a majority of the women in America do. Whenever I see him, I have a sudden cravin' for Milk Duds and I don't even like those things!! His actin' game really isn't that bad though. I did enjoy him in this one:

Smokin' Aces

Last but certainly not least:

I realize that I'm now REALLY stirrin' up a recipe for controversy. But..these are the things that intriguing blogs are made of, right? Ok. Women from all over the WORLD love his soft and airy looks and persona. Sorry. Not me. His music is consistently raved about. His style described as sweetly seductive. Perhaps. Yet in all honesty there were only 2 songs in his whole career that really moved me:

And this bedroom back breaker:

Alright fam. I wanna hear from you. In your most humblest opinions, who are some of the most overrated entertainers whether male or female? Don't be shame!! Speak on it!!

RING THE ALARM!!

2009-07-28T08:40:00.007-05:00

I have a confession to make(deep sigh). I'm not a football fan. Never have been and probably never will be. Yet when the untimely murder of this gentleman occurred:

It made me sit up and take notice. I mean, this was a story that you just couldn't run away from. It had intrigue, deception, lust and murder all rolled up into one drama filled enchillada. Even though I barely know the difference between a blitz and a first down, I still was saddened by the death of this retired NFL player affectionately known as "Air McNair."

I'm not here to quote and recite his impressive stats from his days gone by in the National Football League. I'm not here to wag my finger and shake my head about the fact that he was messin' around on the missus. Sorry. It's not my place to be his judge. Instead I would like to look at this from another angle. What might that be you ask? Simple. BE CAREFUL WHO YOU INVOLVE YOURSELF WITH.

Sahel Kazemi

Tragically,this was the young lady who decided to play God with Steve's life and than her own. I can safely say that I'm just about sure that he thought she would never do something so drastic and so PERMANENT. This saga of romance- turned -wrong put me in the frame of my own personal debaucle. You see, I'm currently married. Happily? No. In fact my hubby and I are beatin' down the door of divorce court.

My soon to be ex was very abusive. Verbally. Physically. He tried to renact WWF Smackdown by body slamming me when I was about 5 months pregnant. He then told me that if he EVER caught me cheating on him, that he would slice and dice my body parts up and feed them to a dog(wonder which dog he was talkin' bout' cuz we didn't have one). Real nice guy. I mean, being digested in the dark caverns of a canine's belly is probably what most women aspire to, right? All sarcasm and jokin' aside though, my soon-to-be-ex was quite a DANGEROUS man.

However, if I were to keep it real with myself (and you) most if not all of those painful scenarios could have been avoided. I mean, he didn't morph from upstanding guy to crazed woman beater all in in a couple of days. The signs were all there RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING. I just choose to overlook them. Rationalize them away. Please hear me. Don't walk around with your eyes wide shut. Learn how to listen to that lil' annoyin' voice in your noggin that just won't seem to shut up. Warnin' you that there's somethin' just not right about this beautiful yet insecure woman or man that you're datin'. This small voice is called INTUITION.

STOP. LOOK. PAY ATTENTION. The life you save may be your own.
Sorrowfully, it's too late for him:

Gratefully, you and I still have the opportunity to make sound decisions that will be beneficial and helpful to us as well as those we love. Wish I could say the same for Mrs. McNair and the rest of their fam.

Mystikal Is Indeed A Mystery

2009-07-27T09:45:00.004-05:00

Known for his trademark scowl. Recognized for bein' a labelmate on Master P's No Limit Records. Now, I have to admit. When he was wearin' the Chinese bob-braid style, it really wasn't a good look for him. AT ALL.

I'm thinkin' his stylist must have felt the same way cuz his crown and glory took on a whole new look(thankfully).

Even though Mystikal was definitely a thug I wouldn't mind lovin', I really never paid that much attention to him or his career until that fateful moment when I heard:

I thought the concept of this vid was so creative. I mean, they incorporated his hometown of New Orleans as the setting. The theme was a replica of the cinematic enigma Eyes Wide Shut. It was authentic from the Margi Gras eye masks to the old plantation mansion. Not to mention that Mr. Mystikal was one rough and tumble speciman of deep fried FINENESS.

Question.Why do some people handle success like a champ while others fail miserably? I mean, he was on the fast track. Then...like a runaway train on a derailed track his hip hop/rap career came to a screechin' halt. He and two of his personal bulldogs decided to humilate his hairstylist by forcin' her to perform..um..fellatio (yeah, that's a politically correct way of sayin' that) and other sexual acts. Their story was this chick allegedly stole $80,000 worth of checks. I suppose that this was their version of street justice.

It's reported that back in 2006 he went before the parole board and was politely DENIED. Looks like he might be servin' that full sentence of 6 years after all. Such a shame.

For Old Time's Sake..

2009-07-27T09:24:00.002-05:00

Confession #42. I was never a fan of house music. First got exposed to it when I was in college. Whenever the DJ would switch from hip hop to house, the DC/Marylandites would totally SWARM the dance floor and tear it up. For some reason unbeknowest to me, I could never really get into it that way. Yet this one track I would blast from the close quarters of my dorm room to the confines of my car. I still rock it like it just hit the airwaves last week.
Challenge:Betcha' can't sit still when you hear it.

Guy Groups Gone AWOL...

2009-07-22T15:59:00.005-05:00

Don't ask me why. But I really enjoy listenin' to male groups sing. Something about the way they harmonizie and romance woman with their sexy, soft spoken lyrics puts me into maximum overdrive (sounds of engine racing).I'm a "back in the day" type female when it comes to music. I like some of the new artists and groups. Yet the new stuff just doesn't move me in the same way. I prefer the old sounds. The music from days gone by.
These guys:

started my official guy group revolution. I remember when this cd hit the airwaves:

Man, Forever My Lady was my anthem. Not too long before this song dropped, I had my beautiful baby girl. What timing!! I was hoping and praying that her dad would dedicate these lyrics to me. Ya know, make it real romantic like. True to his fashion, he never did.What a creep-a-zoid. I think I'm still scarred behind that(sniffling).

This however, was the piece' de re'sistance:

I had the WHOLE CD on constant repeat. I mean, it was just that good.
Baby, IIIII
Would cry for youuuu toniiight..
Toniiiiight...
Oh, don't try to act like you don't know!!

Now these fellas here:

These guys could REALLY blow. Their front guy Sisqo (Mr. Thong Song himself) was a bit flamboyant, but he did an outstanding job tying their sound together. To me, the music community has suffered a great loss by not havin' these guys spittin' out hit after hit anymore.
Talk about bringin' back memories (shakin' my head)...My soon to be ex hubby played this particular one the night we first started talkin'..even though I now wish that he would go bungee jump off the Brooklyn Bridge without a bungee cord, this song still holds monumental significance:

My main men representin' it too:

Sensually seductive. Just more reason for me to jump on this guy group bandwagon. Promise and He Can't Love U were two of my all time faves.I was too cheap 2 actually buy the cd's, so I would just either wait for them to come on the radio or mooch it off my friends. Some fan, huh??

I love all y'all. I solemnly pinky swear that your songs will remain forever on repeat while in my car, kitchen, or bedroom. Especially the bedroom.

Sidebar:If I slept in this bed every night, I would SO not want to get out of it!!

Evie-E's Evolution

2009-07-22T10:01:00.005-05:00

I can remember when I first saw Eve. My initial thoughts were "butchy and hard." In my eyes, she was a sterotypical female rap artist who could cuss a dude under the table and found pleasure in dissin' other female counterparts. I gotta come real though. I was never a big hip hop/rap fan to begin with. I mean, I liked some of it, but I wasn't like a hard core groupie who could flow all the lyrics and kept my tv tuned to Rap City. Yet when I heard her speakin' on Love Is Blind it caused me to sit up and take notice.

I can't say that I felt like her lyrical flow was overly wicked or anything. I just was feelin' the subject matter in which she was rappin' about. Powerful and well spoken.

Fast forward a couple of years. I was flippin' through channels and this one particular vid caught my eye. I saw Eve perched up on a bike with the rest of the Ruff Ryders crew tryin' to get Gwen Steffani to take a ride with them. The video had me crackin' up so hard I though I would break a rib. The thing that I really took notice of was her appearance. She looked like..a woman. She was lettin' her hair grow out and had dyed it a fire engine red. Personally, I would never take such a bold step concerning my fashion. But I thought she wore it well.

One day I'm in my room and I hear this funky blend of tambourines and drums and this man hollerin' bout bein' Swizz Beats. I followed the sound and my daughter was watchin' the vid and shakin' her rump like she was gettin' paid to do it. Rightfully so. How anyone can sit still when they hear this one is beyond me. I had to do a double take cuz her voice was undeniable. However, when I saw HER I had a jaw droppin' moment. Honey, Eve had done a 360!! Now, she looked COMPLETELY feminine. I was impressed. She had toned down her makeup. Was wearin' heels and everythang. She looked fab. Keep doin' you gurl.

Wanna watch Eve shake her "Tambourine?" Swizz hooked her up on this joint. Wouldn't you agree?

This Guy Really Surprised Me!!

2009-07-22T08:54:00.004-05:00

Confession#65- I lOVE reading. Could spend hours and hours in Barnes & Nobles or my local library. One day I was browsing through the card catalog looking for a fresh new author. I put in the subject of "African American fiction" and the search kept returning James Patterson. I thought "James is of the Caucasiuan persuasion. Why does his name keep poppin' up?"

I finally decided to investigate. I just knew that the library had made a serious error. Low and behold, I picked up a book called Cross. The main charcter of this literary treasure is Alex Cross who is an African American psychologist/law enforcement agent who solves grisly murders in the DC Metro area. The killings are typically committed by some type of psychotic killer who leads Alex on a cat and mouse game throughout the story. I couldn't put this book down. It gripped me from the prelude and kept me suspended to the very end.

Patterson actually created a series of Cross novels for the readers's enjoyment. Some of his work has actually made it to the big screen. The most memorable one for me was Kiss The Girls. If you like suspense/thrillers, than you should grab some popcorn and a cold drink and check this one out. Arguably speaking, it can't compare to actually reading the book though.

This is another engaging series about 4 kick butt-and take names later-professional woman who solve the city of San Fran's murder cases. These four ladies ain't no joke!! One is a cop. Another is a medical examiner. The third is a journalist. Lastly, there is an attorney who is added into the mix. These women are referred to as the Women's Murder Club. Each novel in this particular series is numbered like the above sample. If you're not much of reader, it's cool cuz James set up each chapter to be only about 4-6 pages in length.

If you're a serial reader (like me) or this would be a brand new undertaking for you, I encourage you to explore Mr. Patterson's books. I think you might be pleasantly surprised.

Talented Man/Troubled Soul

2009-07-20T22:43:00.011-05:00

"What's R&B without the R?" Robert Sylvester Kelly. He breezed into the world of R&B and turned it UPSIDE DOWN. When he first hit the music scene, I was in my freshman year of college. Yes sir. Him and his croonies (Public Announcement) singin' bout that "Honey Love." Man, the DJ's used to rock this one at our weekend parties. If you just happened to be gettin' your slow drag on with a lil' cutie, it would be in your best interest not to back up into those walls because they would be so, so SWEATY.

The group didn't make him who he was though.Obviously, the man was an amazing talent who could definitely hold his own. I think it was a fantastic strategic move for him to pursue a solo career. He took chances with his music and I admire him for that. Unlike most, he colored OUTSIDE of the lines. His music done his way. Yet, I have to admit. Some of his songs were just way beyond my scope of understanding. For instance:

Sorry fellas. But if a man told me that I reminded him of some type of automobile, I can't say that I would be overly impressed. Yet his musical strengths weren't just heard on his own cd's. He reached out and touched others. As a result, these other artists may have had a one hit wonder or two:

Sparkle (She can't stand him no more..*smh)

We definitely can't forget about Nivea croonin' bout takin' Kellz to the "Laundromat."

How 'bout JS? (Wonder what ever happened to them?)

Rob was on top of the game. I mean, his 12 Play cd went platinum 6 times. I could see why though. There were some songs on there that will forever be immortalized. Seems Like You're Ready is the one that stands out most in my mind. Thanks to that song, me and my ex practiced makin' babies on as many occasions as we could. Lol. But I'm sure I'm not the only one. About three kids later, he dropped TP2.com. What an impact!! In my humblest opinion, this was by far the hottest cd he EVER compiled. The first song TP2 was a brilliant 2 minute musical prelude as to what Kellz had in store for his listeners (This was actually one of my faves).

Oh, how the mighty can fall. HARD. Sigh. 'Bout two years after the birth of this masterpiece, someone leaked that infamous sex vid to the Chicago Sun-Times and it was on and poppin from there. Mr. Kelly vehemently proclaimed his innocence. The teen porn star and her fam also actin' like they had Alzheimer's and amnesia. Hollerin' bout it's not their daughter in that homemade skin flick.

I never was able to view this X rated movie. Not sure that I really wanted to. Yet, like the rest of the public eye, I formed my own opinion. Rob had a thing for young meat. No secret there. He met the beautiful R&B songtress Aaliyah when she was just a tender 12 y.o. Some three years later they were wed on the hush hush (there was a marriage certificate that was later produced).

After everything that has gone down, I still find myself drawn to his music. I gotta say though. I'm not proud of that fact. Will he forever be crowned the King Of R&B? I guess that depends on who you ask. Me? Well, I might not see him as king, but he definitely holds a seat in the high courts.

Hip Hop/R&B Needs You Gurl!!

2009-07-20T08:51:00.008-05:00

What happened? Why? She took the musical world by STORM. Her lyrics were up lifting and positive. Tried to always encourage sistas' to be respectable and proud women. To never let a man disrespect us. To be proud of our culturally rich heritage. Black pride at it's finest. I imagine if she would have been alive during the times of Malcom X and Eldridge Cleaver (leader of the Black Panther party) she would have proudly been pumpin' her fist in the air right beside them.

Being one third of the Fugees basically gave her the extra push she needed to jump start her solo career.

Her cd The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was sheer artistic genius. Evidently, I'm not the only one who thought so. The Recording Academy presented her with five Grammy's for her hard earned and well deserved efforts.

Hip/Hop hasn't been the same since she's been gone. Her voice needs to be heard again. Lawd, I miss her. Obviously, I'm not alone. Kayne even spat a few lines about her in his song: Champion.
"Lauryn Hill say her heart was in Zion,
I wish her heart still was in rhymin'"

Like all fairy tales go, she met the man of her dreams, Rohan Marley. They married and had bouncin' babies. But not too long after, Lauryn started a noticeable downward spiral.

When her relationship seemed to become rocky, that's when she seemed to be become visibly unglued. I mean..

And lest we forget this sad display:

It has been inferred that Mz Hill had some type of emotion and/or mental breakdown. Possibly. But I believe that greatness still dwells within her walls. She's a rare talent that has just gotten sidetracked by her own personal problems and issues which could easily happen with any one of us. We as normal people have the luxury of grieving in private when we are hurting. Whereas with her..well..her pain was put on display for the whole world to see.

Come back to us Lauryn!! Hip hop is already on life support as is. But get well first. Take good care of YOU. Like the words in one of your anthems said:
How you gone win when you ain't right within?

Lauryn was the truth. Here's proof:

For Old Time's Sake..

2009-07-19T20:25:00.003-05:00

It's Sunday!! Time for reminiscin' to some old jamz from back in the day.
I really feel this song but she kinda turned out to be a one hit wonder. Sigh.
That's alright, cuz I still rock to it!!

Songs That Make Me Shiver/Shake

2009-07-18T16:31:00.002-05:00

I'm a HUGE fan of R&B. That is the type of music that helps set me in motion. It defines me. Although I have many fav artists in this genre, there is one that definitely stands out from the rest. He needs no former intro. His lyrics. His melodies. His flow...well..speaks volumes. This particular song(really the whole cd) has a 50's -60's Motown feel. If you like listenin' to the do-woopin' and croonin' of the Temps, Delfonics, Delles, etc. then you MUST cop this cd if you haven't already. Brothas and sistas...Mr. Raphael Saadiq.

Liked it, huh? Check it out on his cd entitled: Raphael Saadiq.

My Date With Larry Lunchmeat

2009-07-17T09:07:00.007-05:00

Once upon some Saturdays ago, I decided that I would visit one of the many social networking websites in which I am a member. What can I say? I was bored. Was looking for a little cerebral stimulation.

Anywhooo... I was checkin my messages when what to my wondering eyes did appear? Why, it was the IM window telling me that some unsuspecting gentleman wanted a piece of my time right then and there. I noticed his picture and was neither impressed nor revolted. That could be a good thing, right? I mean, one doesnt have to look like Reggie Bush in order to have decent, stimulating conversation, right? (Although that would be a MAJOR perk). I decided to go for it. Our conversation started off basic: name, age, blah, blah, blah. You know. Typical stuff. Nothing earth shattering. I decided to check out his profile page while we were in the heated throes of IMing. Larry (not his real name) had a few pictures avaialble for a woman's viewing pleasure. Since we lived in the same area, he asked me if I would like to accompany him out for that evening. Uh, don't think so Mr. Eager McBeaver!!

After a few more minutes I told him that I would have to bid him adieu. He revealed to me that he would like to continue the convo later on. He gave me his number. A couple of hours later, I decided to give Larry a buzz. We proceeded to dish on various subjects:kids, marriage, so on and so forth. I'm assuming by this time he was feeling a little more daring because he proceeded to ask me out for the night AGAIN. I mean, you got to give it to the guy. He was persistent, if nothing else. I thought "what the h-e-double hockey sticks? I'll give it a shot." What's the worst that could happen?? I could end up sliced and diced in a food processor since I'm about to go out with a man I barely know. But hey! There's nothing like a potential crazed serial killer to add a little spice to the weekend!!

After poring over the cinema's mundane selections we finally decided on one. Since I wasnt crazy about the idea of this guy knowing where I lay my head at night, I decided to meet him outside of his home. As I am finally ready for this improptu date, I curiously begin to wonder: "Is this guy going to be the same gentleman that I saw in those pics or will it end up being his cousin Jaheim from Philly?" Way to think positive girl!! I arrive at Larry's humble abode. My heart is pumping above the legal limit. I ring the doorbell...(Jaws theme song playing in backround)...I fluff out my hair...(Music louder now)...Tapping my foot..FINALLY!!! THE MOMENT WE ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!!! HE OPENS THE DOOR AND...(Collective sigh). I want to cry. I want to run back to my car. I'm even willing to tell this guy that I have a serious case of the hershey squirts just to get out of this date. What's the prob you might ask?

Let's just say that he looks very similiar to this fictitious name that I have given him. I decided to just go for it since:(a) I kinda wanted to see this movie anyway and wasnt going to have to pay (b) Was looking kinda cute with a side helping of scrumptious. The ride to the theatre was pleasant enough while the sounds of Lil Wayne and Drake provided our backround. In the middle of the flick, my date asked if he could hold my hand. C'mon dude, are you serious? I sucked in a serious gust of air and mumbled incoherently. Well, then he wants to lay his head all up on my shoulder! I'm like "Sorry Tito but this isnt that kind of party." We headed back to the house so that I could get to my car, QUICKLY. By this time, I've had it. I did my charity work for the month. He had the conversational skills of a ficus plant. He was overly critical of my "dark" nail polish. Once the car stops, I almost twisted my ankle trying to get out. I think that his radar picked up on the fact that I was turned off by both his personality AND his looks. He gingerly asked if I was going to come in for a minute or just go home.

Ok. Now my stomach is screaming "toilet please." I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and agreed that I would come in for a minute. Curse me and my gelatin heart!!! After about 15 minutes, I told him that I needed to leave. You'll never guess what came next...Well, maybe you can...He tried to...(fanning my hand in front of my face)..KISS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, I declined as politely as possible. I mean, I know he's a man and the whole fragile ego thing. Thankfully, I managed to escape with most of my sanity in tact.

Songs That Make Me Shake/Shiver

2009-07-15T22:30:00.002-05:00

Ever had a man or woman that made you almost completely lose yourself? Crusin' by they crib late at night to see if there is some unfamiliar car parked in the driveway? Ditchin' your friends and fam cuz he or she called at the last minuto to say that they wanted to see you as soon as possible? I'm not proud to admit it, but..yes. This has happened to me. More than once. I have made myself look like a dizam donkey all in the name of some man who was so, so undeserving. Ashanti is feelin' me. That's why she's singin' this song. She can't believe that some man has her actin' like her momma raised a fool. If this is you, don't fight it. Just throw yo' hands up and rock wit' it.

This can be found on her cd: Chapter II.

It's So Much Fun Bein' Scared!!

2009-07-15T21:10:00.002-05:00

It's just me and my 15 y.o. man child. Sunday evening. As usual, our cable network has provided very little for us to be entertained by. Had a serious case of niggeritis too. Just ate good and didn't feel like goin' 2 the vid store. I'm sure you can relate. But then I realized that as part of our tv goody package, we had movies on demand. Yes!! Time Warner is enabling our need to be lazy and sluggish!

We both decided we wanted a lil' excitement in our lives. As a result of this decision, we chose to watch Friday the 13th. When I was a teeny bopper, me and my chickies use to huddle on the couch together in our jammies and scream till we just about broke the sound barrier watchin' Jason chop and shred unsuspectin' folks to smithereens. Ah. Those were the days. My boy and I decided to set the mood and watch it at night. Big mistake.

Now, I'm gone keep it really real. I wasn't scared. I thought that the story line was lame and TOTALLY unbelievable. I mean, since when does Mr. Vorhees start his slicin' spree durin' the day??!! Uh...no. But there are the same similarities from other horror flicks. Horny teens copulatin' like rabbits in the middle of the woods. Dizzy broads runnin' for they lives duckin' and dodgin' Jason in between them trees only to trip on invisible sticks and branches.

My son however was TOTALLY spooked. Whenever he heard any kind of sound, his head would immediately twist to the back like the demon possessed chick from The Exorcist. By the time the show was over, I had to ask him if he wanted to camp out in my room that night. He slowly declined. But just for good measure, I left the dining room light on downstairs. Ya know. Just in case. Hey, ya never know. But for serious though. My boy Jason has been at this for a lil' over 16 years. I think it's 'bout time that somebody merks this dude PERMANENTLY. Give some other vengeful serial killer a chance to reek havoc, ya know?

Sorry 'Bout That!!

2009-07-14T22:45:00.002-05:00

For all those who have been tryin' 2 comment and haven't been able to...I apologize.
To all those who have been readin' the posts but just haven't bothered to comment..shame on ya!!
I was havin' some serious techie issues, but my bloggie is all better now!!

Songs That Make Me Shiver/Shake

2009-07-13T11:16:00.003-05:00

Mellow magnificence. Goes down smooth. Cool, flowing chocolate streams of jazz infused sweetness. I've had the pleasure of bein' fed his musical candy for 'bout the past 5 years. Trust me. This is one indulgence you won't feel guilty about. No. He's not croonin' bout birthday sex. He's not confessin' bout' the best he's ever had. He's found someone special, but he's afraid to love her because he's been hurt. He communicates to her that they should take this crazy, bumpy ride of amore...together. Have you closed your heart to something deep and meaningful? Let Kem open up the realm of possibility.

Like what you heard? You can find this gem on his cd entitled: Kem:Album II.

What Did Y'all Think About This One?

2009-07-12T11:03:00.003-05:00

Saw this while I was crusin' in cyberland one day. Reading. Is. My.Passion. Had to have it, but wasn't ready to pluck down my hard earned dinero just yet. Decided to go to my lovely local library and save a few bucks. (Hey, when funds are low you've got to use your noggin and get creative!!). I couldn't wait to get my hands on this one. A literary collabo with 2 of my fave authors. Can you say...deelish??

Had to be placed on the waitin' list. HATED THAT. The library was takin' way too long to call! Gimme that book or I'll...Ok. They finally called. Couldn't wait to dig in. Took me 'bout 2 days to finish it. What's my verdict? Wellllllll...

This novel was basically split 2 ways. Mary Morrison wrote one. Wasn't impressed at all with what she had to say. Felt a letdown once I finished it. Maybe her strengths lie in novels as oppossed to short stories. Noire should've been the leadin' writer. Hers was more true to form. She's branchin' out into that naughty-bad gurl erotica and she's KILLIN' it. In my humblest opinion she has surpassed Zane with flyin' colors. Noire's novella is indeed short, but from the first sentence she had me captured. Left me pantin' and wantin' more. Sorry Mary, but you was sleepin' on this one. Maybe next time.

I'm 'Bout To Throw Dem Bows!!

2009-07-08T09:38:00.003-05:00

;">What in the name of blue flamingos has gotten into my son?!! He is becomin' a walkin teenage NIGHTMARE!! Sick of the fact that he's lazy and unmotivated. Tired of him treatin' his younger siblings like he is the Don Godfather and they are his ring-kissin' groupies. 'Scuse me but I need to take a cleansin' breath 'fore I start runnin' 'round with some scissors (inhalin deeply). I know that bein' a teen comes with some serious challenges. I was there once. So, I try to be sensitive to him and his adolescent needs. But I'm afraid he's takin' my kindness for weakness.

Lately, its been like the Battle of Bunker Hill in my crib. I ask him to clean his bathroom. Sometimes he sits there like I'm speakin' in some type of Arabic dialect and he needs a translator. Other times he's sighin' and takin' such deep breaths that it sounds like he's 'bout to go into cardiac arrest. Last week he almost made me late for my court mandated therapy session which is CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT all because he said that he just didn't feel like goin'.
Boy, I'm tellin' you it was 'bout to be on and poppin up in here!!

Recently, he and I had reached an impasse. He had been puttin' hands to my 4 y.o. daughter. Now that's bad, ain't it? But what really made me mad enough to kick rocks is because his lil' sis CAN'T TALK. Damn, the girl is amazingly autistic for heaven's sake. Her skin is very fair so all her bruises were right there on display for the world to see. To turn a novel into a short story, I told him that he would have to go to mandatory counseling or I would have to call Child Protective Services. He told me to do what I had to cuz he wasn't talkin' to no therapist and I couldn't prove that he had been slappin' his sister around.

Well, it doesn't take a mathematical genius to figure out my next move. CPS was called and they showed up with our local boys in blue. The police officer told me that even though CPS wasn't goin' to take any action, he said that I could press charges and it would be considered a felony. Didn't want to have to do it, but my son was unapologetic and surprisingly cocky. I couldn't have him terrorizin' my baby gurl, now could I? I put my John Hancock on those papers and wouldn't you know it?? My 15. y.o. Mr. Mouth All Mighty himself had a sudden change of heart. He's in counselin' now. But he's back to his old ways. Not movin' when I tell him to do something. Distressingly disrespectful with his mouth and his actions. Here's my message to him:

Wonder What It Will Be Like?

2009-07-07T10:23:00.002-05:00

Normally, I LOVE runnin' my mouth on the phone. Can do it for hours and not grow weary of it. But this mornin' I received a call that shocked me back to reality. It was my daughter's social worker (Sounds so weird sayin' that). She was remindin' me that we will be gettin' together on Friday. No, it's not so that we can go grab a couple of mango magaritas and get blissfully inebriated. This pow wow that she buzzed me about is gonna take place in front of a judge who would rather be anywhere else and a room full of parents who's kids have been snatched up by the long, menancing talons of the State.

Mz. Case Worker told me that the plan is to get my daughter's level of care stabilized so that they can eventually transition her to a foster or group home so that she can be closer to her familia. Great news, huh? I'm thrilled about her progress. But there's somethin' that stays on my mind like a depressin' love song. What happens if history repeats itself once she's well enough to come back home? Will I have to stash all of our carving and steak knives in a secrect place so she won't carve up her own legs or anyone else's body parts?

If she gets angry(which at some point she will), will she understand how to deal with it in a positive way or will she run away and stay gone for 10-12 hours at a time like before? Will one of the three voices that she heard before come back and seduce her to camp out on our roof again?

Will she confide in me about her murderous musings? Who wants to hear their child tell them that they aspire to be among the ranks of Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer?? Geez. There's a part of me that's scared for her to return. What will it be like? Will we all return back to walkin' on eggshells not knowin what to expect from one minute to the next? Will our home have some semblance of peace? Tranquility? WHAT'S IT GONNA BE LIKE??!!

Songs That make Me Shake/Shiver

2009-07-06T10:29:00.002-05:00

Flat tops for the fellas. Just about all the ladies were tryin' to cop Halle Berry's short, pixie style cut (includin' myself). Ahh. The 90's. A revolutionary time for fashion as well as for music. Now I'm about to admit somethin' that I'm not real proud about. Sigh. If I had SEEN this twosome before I actually HEARD them, my ears would have been denied a true musical treasure. In other words, I wouldn't have bothered to listen to this song. Shame on me!! It's a beautiful masterpiece that expresses the essence of a man who's spirit and heart have been shattered by someone that he loves immensly. Touching. I guess there are instances when a man can fall hard and deep. Does anyone else remember this song?

Wanna add this to your own collection of personal faves? Easy. Just check out the Boomerang Soundtrack.

If It Ain't One Thing..

2009-07-05T09:27:00.002-05:00

I love him. Like my Father says, he's fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm tryin' to realize that. But sometimes...I gotta be real about it. I just don't UNDERSTAND him. I don't get the way he thinks. His sense of logic seems light years away from his counterparts. He's disturbingly destructive. Impulsive. Reckless. If you were in his presence, you would swear that I had just given him a speed with extra sugar sundae. I mean, he's like Dash from the movie The Incredibles.

He's a 10 y.o., but his attention span is that of someone half his age. During the school year, the teachers and the principal were consistently and constantly blowin' up my phone lookin' for some type of tent revival-medical textbook- miracle from me. Well, they didn't get it. My mommy alert senses were goin' into overtime though. I had a feelin' I knew what the issue was, I just was too much of a coward to face facts.

As I've explained in previous posts, I already have a schizo affective daughter who no longer is able to live with us until she can become somewhat stable. My other princess is amazingly autistic and considered low functioning. I felt like their problems overshadowed my 10 y.o.'s obstacles. He got pushed to the back and that was unfair to him. He deserves a mom that can give him the full attention that he so desperately needs. I talked to a head doctor and did some research. It looks like my son may have ADHD (Attention Deficient Hyperactive Disorder). Sigh. When it seems like I can catch my breath for a sec, here comes another major dilemma which sucker punches me and knocks the spit clean out my mouth.

Dramatic Fact of The Day Is..

2009-07-02T19:19:00.005-05:00

The acid in your tummy is strong enough to dissolve razorblades!!

How is this possible? Well, we have what is known as HYDROCHLORIC ACID in our stomach.It can dissolve not only the burgers and fries you had for lunch, but it can also eat through several types of metal!! If you're wondering why this acid doesnt burn through the stomach, it's because our tum-tums are lined by a protective mucas lining. How people can say there is no God is beyond me. Our bodies are wonderfully and marvelously made!!

Even though a razorblade parfait may sound scrumptious, please DO NOT try to see if this fact works or not!! Lol..

Songs That Make Me Shiver/Shake

2009-07-02T18:10:00.002-05:00

Let's face facts y'all.It doesn't matter how swaggerific you think you may be. Regardless if you have enough cash to rain on the entire human population. This soap opera that we call life gets...hard. Overwhelming. Whenever I'm feelin' like this, I grab my headset, turn up the volume, and let her minister to me in song. It's like havin' one of my homie-sista-gurls sittin' right in the same room as she tries to encourage me that things will get betta. Grab a glass of white wine. Dim those lights. Let Kelly massage your damaged emotions and your fractured heart. I deserve it. You do too.

This one can be found on the soundtrack for the movie Life.

Songs That Make Me Shiver/Shake

2009-07-01T21:01:00.004-05:00

This dynamic duo is often overlooked. In my eyes, they are the modern day Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrel. Peaches and Herb. Their music is soulful. Heartfelt. It keeps me encouraged that REAL love can coexist between a black king and his queen. Although I enjoy listenin' to many of their songs, this one has to be my all time fav. Maybe after seein' the vid and listenin' to them make love to each other through the power of their words, it might come to be one of your fav's too.

If you would like to add this cd to your personal collection, it is entitled: In This Life Together.

I Gots To Tell It!!

2009-07-01T18:22:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm moonwalking through my own life. Anybody else feel me? There are other days when it feels like I'm walkin' through sewage sludge mixed in with hot molasses and a squirt of Krazy Glue. Deep sigh. I love my kids. There's no mistake about that. But sometimes...sometimes, this parenting gig is the PITS!! Pass me the classifieds!! I want a new job!! There are days when I want to concoct myself a nice Vicodin/Prozac/whiskey cocktail and take a flyin' leap into a crocodile infested lagoon.

I'm not gonna blow a hole in you ear by tellin' you 'bout each one of my kids and their struggles. Nah, not today. (Sidebar:Check out my blogs entitled "Will She Ever Come Back?" and "What You Gonna Do When They Come For You?" and it will help you get to know my other young ones.) Right now, my tunnel vision is focused on the 4 y.o. baby of my squad. My lil' banana cream pie. My pint size Sweet Tarts. My....hey..is anyone else feelin' kinda snacky right now? Sorry(clearin' my throat). She's wonderfully and amazingly...autistic.Ok. I said it. AUTISTIC. Wanna know what's that's like? I have to still hang out in the baby aisle at Wally World to make sure that her Pampers stock is on point. There are times when we as a family can't go hang out at the mall or sit down and grab a bite to eat because at any given moment, she may give a blood curdling scream that sounds like some sort of mating call that you would hear on Animal Planet.

For those of you who may not know exactly what autism really is, please allow me to give you a 3 second explanation. Basically, it's a brain disorder that hinders social interaction and communication with others. They usually are also characterized by the fact that they will REPEATEDLY do the same things over and over. For example, my daughter has no speech. Instead, she makes the same sounds or noises one after the other. Several times in a row. Day in. Day out. She doesn't understand how toys work or what she's supposed to do with them. Like an infant, just about everything makes a beeline directly to her mouth. She sometimes eats her own poop which is a REAL showstopper.

I often wonder what goes on inside of her cerebral cavity. Is she silently screaming the way I often do? I LONG for my baby to be normal. To be able to play with other kids and not have them stare at her like she's an experiment in a Petri dish. To have her siblings understand her handicap and embrace her in the package in which she was originally wrapped in. But in all fairness, am I able to lovingly accept her flaws and all? Do me a solid y'all. The next time you're in a grocery store or shopping center and you see a parent tryin' to handle an out of control youngster, don't automatically assume that the child is just a lil' bad azz who needs to be whooped. Perhaps the baby has some serious problems or issues that you have no knowledge of. Give the parent a HUGE Kool Aid smile. Trust me. They could probably use it.

Chew On This...

2009-06-30T18:26:00.004-05:00

Disclaimer:What you are about to read is the REAL DEAL. If you can't appreciate raw honesty and truth, then perhaps this particular post just isn't for you. Come back and visit again. But for those who can appreciate a lil Henney with no coke, then I think you may be in the right place. Welcome.

I'm tired of hearing about it. Every major news channel and even those in between, have been buzzing about it. The passing of a legend. Another musical icon is about to be laid to rest. Michael Joseph Jackson. There was never one like him and nor will there EVER be. But chew on this for a sec. Where were his REAL fans when he was still walking around among the living? When he was being accused of being a perverted pedophile and his character was being stabbed, kicked, and pounded by the media and public opinion, where were the candlelight vigils then? When you were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic,did you hear every other car blasting "Billie Jean" from their Alpine speakers so loud that your windows were shaking and vibrating? I would venture to say probably not.

Almost every other blog post I see has some type of story dedicated especially to him. Pictures and videos galore. Folks hoopin' and hollerin' bout how they loved Mike and will miss him and how he was the greatest.(Sidenote: I wrote a story about him too, but the focus was on how he died).MySpace pages have become Michael Jackson SHRINES. BET even dedicated their '09 award show to his memory. Why now? The man is GONE and won't be coming back. He needed our assurance that he was irreplaceable when his album sales were no longer shooting through the cosmos. When he was on trial for his life and his integrity was being eaten for breakfast, lunch AND dinner, he needed our love and support to be TIRELESS. While the current displays of admiration and loyalty are gut wrenching and touching, the fact is Jacko can no longer appreciate it. The beautiful and colorful arrangement of flowers that will more than likely surround his casket he won't be able to smell. The expressions of adulation and devotion he won't be able to hear.

My point here is simple. Don't wait until an individual crosses over to the spirit realm to express your admiration. Show them that they are one of a kind despite any hang ups they may have. Life is uncertain. Let's start living like we know that already.

Songs That Make Me Shake/Shiver

2009-06-29T19:53:00.002-05:00

It was late at night. I was on my cell chattin it up with this honey flavored specimen I met. While we were vibin on the celly, I heard this sexy sonnet coming from the television. Who IS this guy, I thought. I took a gander at my boob tube and the name of the artist rang no bells. Didn't matter. This song was DEFINITELY becoming part of my private collection. Please show love to my boy:

If you bob your head when you hear Jon B., I think you'll return the fav for this songster. You can check this one out on his cd entitled: Tomi.

Dramatic Fact of The Day Is..

2009-06-29T11:09:00.003-05:00

We are about 1 cm taller in the morning than in the evening!!

The cartilage between our bones gets condensed by sitting, standing and other daily activities as the day goes on thus making us a tad shorter at the end of the day!!

Sidebar: This incredibly tall gentleman that you see pictured here is Bao Xishun who is now the world's 2nd tallest man coming in at an impressive 7"9 inches!!

Dramatic Fact of The Day Is..

2009-06-28T15:01:00.002-05:00

It is IMPOSSIBLE to sneeze with your eyes open!!

When you sneeze, it affects different parts of the body like the neck, abdomen, chest and face.
During a sneeze, the impulses that travel through your face cause your eyelids to blink. This response is totally automatic.

In the past I've tried to keep my eyes open, but it didn't work!! Lol.

Dramatic Fact of The Day Is...

2009-06-27T10:44:00.002-05:00

A brand of condoms was named after the Egyptian Pharoah Ramses. This amigo had more than 160 kids!!!

(Durex is the company that carries the Ramses brand).